Destructive Duo
by Sabby-Sama
Summary: Cloud and Zack JUST might get seriously injured and humiliated after what they've done... Rated T for language. Collection of Cloud and Zack stories where anything happens!
1. Fun and Notes?

Warning: Language, absurdness. Also, never try this. The prankee would be PRETTY outraged.

Disclaimer: Writing this little line makes me sad. I think you all should understand why.. ;w;

This is one of those Zack Fair-lives-what-could-have-been stoires. I doubt something EXACTLY like this would happen in the game, but I think it's something they would do just based off their characters xD This is the happy, non-angsty Cloud. The setting time... Crisis Core? I love the friendship that these two have together~ **I just MIGHT turn this into a little collection of Zack-Cloud friendship stuff, with humor of course!** Maybe another 2 or 3 stories? I already have prompts that I think would be GREAT. But it all depends on Reviews, once again~

Side note; This is one of three other new short stories/Drabbles/Oneshots, whatever tickles you fancy, I have written for Final Fantasy 7. Check it out!

~Sabby-Sama

* * *

><p><span>Fun and Notes?<span>

"Dear God, I'm sweatier than a fat man who walked up half a flight of stairs. Darn ShinRa for making us wear these black uniforms!" Zack Fair moaned as he plopped down on the curb outside of the ShiRan building, in a slouching position.

Cloud, who was sitting next to him, laughed. "Hey, It could be worse. We could be the ones lugging those shipments, right? Especially in this heat. The good thing of being a 1st class is the treatment, huh Zackie?" Cloud, who had finally worked up from a Infantryman to a 1st class SOLDIER, smirked.

Zack looked next to him and shoved Cloud. "Aerith's the only one who can call me that!" The two of them were best buds.

Just then, Kunsel jogged over to them from the unloading trucks. "Hey, slackers!" He shouted and waved from a distance.

"How are you liking unloading all those boxes, Kunsel?" Zack asked with amusement at the sight of the exhausted and sweat-drenched Kunsel.

"Ha Ha. Now get off your asses, you need to help too, you know!"

"Aww! But, Kunsel, Zackie and I are 'supervising'. That's a pretty important job." The blonde said while making air quotes. He looked up at the other man while shielding his eyes from the August sun.

"Well you and 'Zackie' have to do something, so chopchop!" Kunsel clapped.

"Alright, alright. Don't get your thongs in a bunch." The black haired Soldier said jokingly. Kunsel patted them both on the back and jogged away. Cloud stood up and started to stretch his limbs While Zack stayed seated, a devilish grin slowly forming on his face. Cloud stopped his stretching and looked back at Zack to see if he was coming along.

"Hey Cloud. . .How about we have some. . . fun?" an almost demonic voice left Zack's mouth as he saw the look on Cloud's face.

"Okay, first off; never ask if I want to have "fun" with you. That sounds pretty gay. Second; what do you have in mind?" Cloud crossed his arms and a small smile forming on his face. Whatever Zack was thinking, it had to be good. All of Zack's idea's were awesome. Well, except that one time when they decided to play golf in the ShinRa halls with their swords and some experimental materia.

"How bout we play a little trick. On Tseng?" That didn't sound good.

"But Kunsel said to help.."

"No, No. He said to 'Do something.' he never specified." Zack said while wagging his index finger back and forth.

"Whatever you're thinking, let's do it!" Cloud cheered, pumping a fist in the air without hearing the details. He was like a dumb little sidekick who would do anything asked of him.

* * *

><p>"So, why Tseng of all people?" The blue eyed blonde asked.<p>

"Cause, my silly little Cloud" Zack ruffled Clouds blonde hair, "He can't get us in trouble!" The 'Puppy' answered energetically. The two of them were standing in the ShinRa employee parking lot.

"Alrighty, so here's the plan. I'm going to put this note under Tseng's car's windshield wiper, then we're gonna stakeout behind that bush over yonder," Zack stopped with his fancy words mid-sentence and jabbed his thumb to a tiny, half dead bush about seven feet behind the car that lined the lot, "and with these binoculars we'll spy on Tseng to see his reaction!"

"Where do you get these ideas?" an intrigued blonde asked his dark haired friend in wonder.

"I saw something like it on Jackass the other night. Plus, I get bored at work sometimes patrolling the grounds." Zack shrugged.

"I'm kinda nervous. What if someone finds out?" an innocent sounding Cloud whispered, as if there might be spies around. He just got promoted and didn't want to jeopardize his position.

"Poor Cloudy. Take a chill pill, bro!" Zack rolled his eyes. Cloud was such a weenie, already chickening out. Zack did a manly skip to the bush that could hardly hide a malnourished squirrel, forget about two buff, grown men. He crouched behind it, spiky black porcupine-like hair popping out over the top and sides. Cloud looked around, nervous as to what to do when Zack left. He clearly forgot the plan.

"Pssst! Cloudy! I forgot to give you the note. C'mere!" an almost yelling voice came from behind the bush.

Great whispering skills, Zack.

The shorter man rushed over to the bush and snatched the note out of his hand. "Why me?"

"Because it'll build up your self esteem. Now _go, go, go_!" Cloud nodded wildly, rushed over to Tseng's fancy-schmancy expensive looking car, and put the note under the windshield wiper. He rushed back to the puny bush and hid behind it like Zack.

"Good job, buddy! Self esteem points for you." Cloud smiled, he felt this strange feeling. Rebellion, was it called? He couldn't put a finger on it. He wasn't much of a bad boy like Zack. What a good influence he was being on poor Cloud's younger mind.

"Tseng's gonna have a coniption when he see's that note." Zacks voice was shaky, on the edge of bursting into a maniac laugh like Hojo.

Shit, Cloud didn't read what it said. His blondness made him forget. Before he could ask Zack, said person spoke."Oh, Tseng's coming! Shh! Take this!" Zack shoved a binoculars into Cloud's shaky and sweating hands.

The guys were in position, binoculars peering from around the bush on each side, legs jutting out in different directions, not to mention their shoulders. They must have looked like a pair of Peeping Toms to anyone who would be passing by. It must have been a miracle Tseng didn't notice them behind this sad excuse of a hiding spot. Even a blind person could have found them if they were playing hide and seek.

* * *

><p>Tseng walked over to his car after a long and stressful day at work. Reno just had to break his coffee maker and it didn't help that Rude inhaled all the donuts at the meeting. He dug into his pockets and fished his keys from his pocket. As he was about to unlock the doors to his prized possession, he noticed the note, face down on his windshield.<p>

"Hmm?" A ticket?" He took the note and flipped it over. The paper was a crudely ripped page from some sort of record book. In a messy scrawl was written: _Sorry I hit you car._

Tseng began to freak out. Someone smashed into his baby? His pride and joy? His replacement of a wife or girlfriend? Tseng shook that last thought out of his head. He started to fluster around his car, searching for a dent or scratch among the pristine surface. After ten minutes of scrambling around his car, his eyes fell upon the note that was still in his hand. He uncrumpled it as he realized there was more;

_Call me: 1-800-I Don't-Give A-Fuck._

_-Love, Zack and Cloud._

When he found those two... When he found them he would shove his freshly pressed black suit jacket down their throats, kick them until they spat it up and then he would force them to wear an apron and re-iron it. Realization of something woke Tseng up from his creepy punishment plans.

_Wait a minute. _He thought. _They put their names on the note? THOSE FOOLS!_

* * *

><p>Zack and Cloud, who had been watching Tseng for the past ten minutes, started laughing, desperately trying to muffle their sounds.<p>

"Run!" Zack hoarsely whispered. They both ran around the outside edge of the lot, jumped the short fence, and were back at the ShinRa loading port.

"What did you write on that note? You got him good!" Cloud replied clutching his stomach, still laughing at Tseng's reaction. His laughing stopped when Zack told him.

"You _what!_?" Zack! You put OUR names on it? Dude, how stupid can you be!" Cloud cried out. Tseng knew he was involved.

"We can't have someone else taking credit for that prank-" Zack was cut off by Cloud's hysterics.

"You could have put _your_ name on it! I cannot believe you dragged me into this!" Cloud cried. A whole year of going up ranks, down the drain...

"Well... whoopsies? I mean, you could have told me."

"ZAAAACK!" Cloud lunged at Zack, a bloodthirsty look in his eyes.


	2. Ice cream

Heh, I really like this story! Mostly because it's based off of one of my own experiences. (Yes, I commited the same crime Zack did. Shoosh! Trying not to give any spoilers about this "crime" xD) Enjoy!

~Sabby-Sama

* * *

><p><span>Guilty Ice Cream<span>

Zack couldn't wait to get away from Cloud. During the whole ride to the Midgar Mall the blonde had been singing along to the radio in the car. Zack wanted to slap Cloud in the head so badly when the younger man was howling and screeching along with Katy Perry and Britney Spears, but he had to keep both hands on the wheel.

How did he even get hassled into driving Cloud to the Mall? Oh yeah, the Midgar Mall has the best ice cream. EVER. Zack clenched his fist, the things he would do for his beloved ice cream...

The SOLDIER locked his car with the car remote. He jogged to the other side of the car where Cloud was and tugged on his sleeve repeatedly demanding in a whining tone,"Gimme some Gil for my ice cream~!"

Cloud rolled his eyes and dug in his pocket and pulled out a crumpled 5 and handed it to Zack saying, "Don't think about keeping my change." The man squealed and said, "Yay! I would so kiss you right now! But i'm not gay, or Tifa so I'll pass." and hastily made his way to the entrance not even waiting for the blonde.

Cloud stood there in the parking lot watching the hyped up raven-haired man as he almost slammed his face in the glass doors as he scrambled to open it.

Zack was the oldest of the two, but also the youngest in many ways.

The Infantry man shouted to his best friend, "I'll be in Gamestop, meet me there!" while cupping his hands to his mouth. Cloud shook his head and sighed when he saw Zack turn around and nod his head like an excited bobblehead. He was such a child...

Zack made a sharp left and ran up the 2 flights of stairs to the second floor. He rushed past people, squirming and conforming into different shapes trying not to run into anyone. Mainly because he had is ridiculously huge Buster Sword on his back and didn't want anyone getting hurt. His eyes widened when he finally saw the neon purple sign that read "FOOD COURT". He ran towards it with a huge grin on his face.

He made the familiar twists and turns around tables and other food vendors until he came to the little shack pushed in a corner. At that moment it was like Heaven was shining briliant white lights down on him. Zack muffled another squeal. It wouldn't be manly if he did such a noise out in public. Not manly at all.

Luckily, there was no one in line. He scurried up to the middle-aged women at the counter who smiled at his familiar face.

"Hi! Umm, Can I have a large chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone please? Sweet! Oh, I want that chocolate shell stuff on it too." Zack ordered in a rush, not even waiting for the women to ask what he wanted. She smiled and got him his icecream. He paid and left a tip and scurried to Gamestop on the other end of the giant mall.

Zacks ice cream was HUGE. The small sized ice cream the vendor served was two scoops, the large was five. The man stopped at a column and started to bite the chocolate shell off the ice cream. Once he succeeded, with melted chocolate all over his mouth, he started to shuffle his feet to the store where Cloud was at, trying to keep the ice cream scoops from falling.

_**I wonder what the proper teqnique to eating an icecrem this big is? **_Zack thought.

_**Do I lick Down-Up, or Up-Down?**_

Zack pondered about this for a bit, while keeping a death grip on his cone with both hands. He tests out his theory.

_**Definetly Down-Up. Much more strategicle.**_

Zack was almost at Gamestop. While he was walking, people where aware not to come too close to the SOLDIER (They noticed the uniform) and his icecream for fear of bumping into him, knocking his icecream over and possibly getting their head sliced off. The citizens of Midgar gave him funny looks; A grown man eating an icecream cone like a child, and ice cream scoop tower that practically covered his whole face but allowed his porcupine-like spikes stick out from the top.

The SOLDIER was halfway done with his iceream when he arrived at the small game store that was packed with nerds. He noticed a familiar blonde tuft of hair and shouted, "Hey, chocobo boy!" while waving an arm at him letting him know he was here. The other people turned and stared at the man grinning who had melted icecream and saliva all over his mouth.

Cloud looked at him, and quickly looked away sulking. He was so embarrassed.

Zack made his way to his friend and stood next to him, completely engrosed on his sweet treat. It wasn't everyday you could eat something sweet when you were a SOLDIER, it was strictly against the rules. Cloud was talking to one of the employees about the latest Square Enix rumors and game releases.

Zack, who was listening, rolled his eyes. Cloud was such a geek at times. Not that Zack didn't like videogames. He just didn't want to discuss stuff that would take a bit of brainpower. He just wanted to kill a ton of goddamn Nazi Zombies without questions being asked.

As the two of them starting rambling on about their dork stuff Zacks eyes roamed around at the shelves of games. Not being focused anymore, he didn't see the top scoop of icecream slide off the other one. He heard the mushy 'plop' when it landed on the carpet, though.

Zacks eyes snapped back to his cone, and then to his feet where the creamy goodness rested in a lumpy mess on the carpet, mocking him. He gasped softly in shock. He started to feel his eyes starting to water.

_**Nooo! My icecream...!**_

Zack threw out his bottom lip, pouting and wimpering like The Puppy he was. He remembered he was in Gamestop though, where outside food (and crying grown men) wasn't even allowed.

He panicked. What was he supposed to do? ShinRa never trained him for a situation like this! Only common sense could save him now.

_**Oh no, this isn't good. This isn't good at all. This is BAD. I'm gonna get caught, get my icecream taken away and be banned from this mall until Cloud dye's his hair fluorecent orange, however the hell that's supposed to work.**_

A million different thought flashed through his mind, some of them were:

_**Should I just smear it into the carpet with my foot like a bug?**_

_**Am I supposed to clean it up? Shit, I didn't take a napkin!**_

_**...Do I lick it off the floor?**_

Thinking he should do the last option like the idiot he we was, Something else popped in is mind.

_**OH GOD, Are there any witnesses?**_

Zack frantically turned looked around. Nope, coast was clear. The nerds are distracted. He looked to the side of him, the employee had brought Cloud over to the 'New Releases' shelf, facing away from him.

He sighed in relief.

_**Gotta leave the scene of the crime. Goodbye, my beloved icecream...**_

He dramaticly looked back down to his brown glob of icecream, blew it a goodbye kiss and ran out of the store, waiting outside the entrance.

Zack scoffed the rest of icecream down, getting rid of the evidence.

After an agonizing, guilt-filled silence, Cloud finally came out of the store.

"Are you ready t-" Cloud started but got cutoff.

"YES. Now lets go!" Zack said quickly and rushed to the exit. The blonde was confused but followed after his dark haired pal. He noticed how Zack was walking, brisk and stiff with his arms glued to his sides. Zack looked over his shoulder at Cloud who was about 15 feet away.

"What ever you do, do NOT swing your arms." He shouted to the blonde far behind him. "It's SUSPICIOUS." he finished, whispering loudly through his teeth. Once again people stared at Zack, but not bothering questioning what crime he commited (That's what they were getting the impression of) noticing he was a SOLDIER.

He then started looking around him, scanning his surroundings like a paranoid psychopath. The guilt was eating at him.

Cloud stupidly did what he said and started walking like him out the mall.


	3. Blackmail

This story, unlike almost all of my others, IS NOT based off of personal experiences. If it was, then... Anyways! Enjoy.

~Sabby-Sama

* * *

><p><span>Blackmail<span>

Cloud and Zack were climbing the giant Oak tree that was outside of the old, rundown, suspicious looking building in the middle of the night, the only light coming from the dinky porch light below them.

According to Zack, they were on a mission appointed to them by Lazard. Cloud was exciteded to be teamed up with his best friend on another mission.

Cloud was brought out of his thoughts when Zack spoke. "Alrightio, so we need to get into the house by that window" He paused to point at a dirty window towards the right, "and we gotta spy on the people in there." Cloud nodded.

"Simple enough." the blonde replied.

Zack reached a foot out to the roof of the porch and made his way to the window. The boards creaking underneath his weight. He made his way to the window, signaling for Cloud to do the same.

The blonde nodded and did what he was told, walking lightly to not make any sounds to where Zack was standing. He grabbed the window and slide it up carefully, cringing at the shrieks it made. The SOLDIER peeked his head into the window and muffled his laughs.

Cloud narrowed his blonde eyebrows in confusion and anger. Why was Zack laughing? They were on a mission and they had to be quiet about it or they would get their cover blown!

Zack, who was still laughing motioned once again for him to come to his side.

"Look, man!' He said grabbing and shoving Clouds head into the window, the blonde trying to wiggle out of the tight hold with his eyes shut. He let him go and Cloud opened his eyes, squinting in the darkness.

He finally made out a room that looked like it belonged to a little girl. Pink walls, stuffed animals everywhere, and posters of Justin Bieber on every square inch of said pink walls. He looked back at Zack, flustered.

"Zack, what are we doing here? We can't spy on a little girl from her window! Do you know how pedophilic this is?"

The tanned man laughed again, a bit louder this time. "Dude, look at the bed." He jerked his head up, nodding in the pink and white bed's direction. Cloud looked and squinted his blue eyes. He saw what looked like a trail of mesmerizing silver on the top of the blankets, and a big body was underneath the frilly sheets.

"What the hell?" Cloud murmured, looking at Zack for an explanation. The man with the intense Mako eyes motioned for him to go inside and take a look with a sparkle in his eyes. Cloud knew that sparkle. It meant Zack was up to no good.

He sighed, knowing Zack would keep pestering him if he didn't, so he climbed into the window and made his way to the bed, Zack watching him with amusement.

Cloud stumbled a couple of times on the big, fluffy abominations that were stuffed animals, Zack chuckling everytime. He was now at the bed side of the mysterious young girl and looked down at her waiting for his eyes to adjust. His eyes widened as he saw her face and made his way back to Zack in a rush, his eyes as big as the moon.

Zack was grining madly at Clouds shocked, and scared expression.

"Dude, are you shitting me?" Cloud partially hissed.

"Heh, nope! That there, in the girly bed, is the almighty Sephiroth!" Zack smiled.

Clouds assumptions were true. But this can't be right. What's Sephiroth doing sleeping in a girly bedroom? What a creeper! Zack made his way through the bedroom and dragged Cloud to the side of the sleeping Sephiroth. Cloud stopped him.

"We're not on a real mission, are we?" He asked Zack, pissed off.

"Of course not, silly chocobo, you!"

Cloud was fuming," What are we doing here then? Why did you bring me with you!"

Zack was trying to muffle Clouds light yelling with a cow plushie but almost suffocating him instead.

"Hey, quiet! Yeah, ok, it's not a real mission from Lazard. Ya got me. BUT! If Lazard truly loved us he would have given us this 'mission'. This is gonna be fun, Cloud! Look at what we already now about Sephy." Zack whispered loudly, motioning to Sephiroth.

"Plus, it's not even 8:00 o'clock and he's already fast asleep! It's like he's got a bedtime, that pansy."

The blonde was the only rational one here and he was worried about 'Sephy' waking up, and strangling the shit out of them.

"What if he wakes up and see's us.."

"Don't be such a stick in the mud, Cloudy! We won't get caught. We're too awesome." Zack folded his arms and grinned. Cloud sighed. He won this argument. Zack pumped his fist in victory and pulled out a camera from his pocket when he was finished gloating.

"What's that for?" Cloud asked in a worried tone.

"Camera. Blackmail." Zack spun around to Sephiroth, taking a picture quickly before Cloud could object. They both blinked rapidly at the sudden flash. There on the digital screen was the silver haired wonder curled up into a ball, with a sleeping mask that read "Sweet Dreams" and snuggling a purple bunny with pink sheets all around him.

Cloud sighed. Might as well let Zack do what he wanted. He didn't want to deal with an angry Zack who was having a temper-tantrum like a 4 and a half year old.

Zack continued to take more pictures of his room while saying things along the lines of "No ones ever gonna believe the almighty General who always seems like he's got a board covered in barbed wire shoved up his ass would be into all this crap like a loony."

Zack chuckled evily. He's got dirt on Sephy. Cloud on the other hand was horrified. When he found out what they did...

The infantry man spoke up from his spot near Sephiroths bed, he was looking down at the man in a thoughtful-dreamy-like-state.

"I guess it kinda makes sense for someone with such awesome hair to be into all this stuff, right Zack?"

The SOLDIER looked at Cloud with a face that said 'WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?' Cloud noticed Zacks disgusted face and looked away, embarrased. He could hear The dark haired man rummaging through things.

"Oh yeah! It's his Masamune!" Zack whispered in a gleeful voice at the discovery of Sephiroths killing doo-dad. Picking up the long sword from it's resting spot of stuffed fluffies, he started swinging it around hazardly in awe.

"Whadaya think he needs such a long sword for?" Zack asked intrigued.

"To kill who ever sneaks into his room at night and takes pictures of him sleeping.." Cloud answered.

Zack ranted, mostly to himself, "Nah. Hey! It reminds me of something you would stab a colorful pinata with! Or, not so colorful since Sephy's not such an adventerous person. And the pinata doesn't have candy in it. Sephy's not into stuff like that. There will be emo band CD's in this depressing pinata." Stated matter-of-factly.

"Ya know, the kinda CD's you have in your car?" Zack added with a raised eyebrow and a smirk knowing this would piss his friend off.

Clouds ears perked up at the mention of his prized music. "Bullet For my Valentine is NOT an emo band!" he whispered in angry denial, narrowing his eyes at Zack.

"Sure, sure." Zack rolled his electric blue eyes.

"OH! We still need to sneak on the rest of his family! Almost forgot!"

Zack made his way to the door to the rest of the house. Cloud had no other choice but to follow. They made their way through out the hallway (Zack humming The Mission Impossible theme song) until they heard voices coming from the living room on the first floor. Zack looked at Cloud and Cloud shrugged. They silently made their way down the stairs.

The duo leaned against the wall near the living room, out of sight, but they can hear and see what was going on.

Another man with silver hair, that was cut short sat on the raggedy sofa that was in the middle of the room, turned away from Zack and Cloud. It sounded like the man was crying at what was happening on the television.

"Noo! You can't be in the hospital! You have a fiance at home. Please don't die.." the silver haired man sniffled loudly through his tears.

Just then, another man with silver hair, but shoulder length walked in from what appeared to be the kitchen. _**His hair isn't as nice as Sephiroths... **_Cloud thought, but shook the idea fiercely out of his spike covered head when he realized how gay that sounded. He had a light yellow frilly apron on and a whisk in his hand.

"Loz..." The man spoke quietly yet emotionlessly.

The man on the couch, Loz, wiped his eyes with a nearby tissue and snapped his head in the other mans direction. "I am NOT crying, Yazoo! Now go away!" Loz's deep voice responded.

"Okay... Just be quiet...Brother is sleeping upstairs. I'll be in the kitchen taking the muffins out of the oven. And Loz.." The short haired man looked back at Yazoo with bloodshot eyes and a runny nose. Yazoo continued, "i'm telling Mother your acting like a baby instead of a big boy, and stop watching soap opera's..." and with that he turned around and re-entered the kitchen.

After that little episode, Zack and Cloud were left clutching their sides, gasping for air and trying to stay quiet. After a couple of minutes their laughing died down while Loz's crying escalated in the background.

"Those are his brothers." Zack explained in between small chuckles.

"Doesn't he have another one?" Cloud inquired wiping the tears from his eyes.

Zack responded," Yup, Kadaj. But he got checked into a mental hospital a while back."

Cloud raised an eyebrow. "That somehow doesn't suprise me after seeing everyone in this family. I think it's time to leave this house of freaks."


	4. Conference Blues

Conference Blues

The loud voice boomed throughout the large, silent room creating an echo. Zack sat at one of the tables in the room, his fist smothered against his cheek in complete boredom. He didn't even know why he was needed at this stupid thing anyway, but Angeal insisted that he come because it was "important".

Even though Zack was hardly listening to what was going on, nothing struck him as important. All he heard was a ton of sentences containing big words, and even small words, that he didn't know the meaning to.

Zack was in a large room that Shinra used as a kind of auditorium, where all the employee's, from secretaries to SOLDIERS 1st class were rounded up to listen to company news and announcements. The loud booming voice belonged to the President as he was rambling on about some kind of achievement with a reactor, or something.

So basically, everyone was forced to come here when they could have gotten mail about this news. A big waste of time and a hassle in Zacks eyes.

Right now he could have been in Angeals office testing out the new materia he fused on his mentors furniture possibly destorying the room, for Goddess sakes! He would gladly have gotten in trouble with Angeal if it meant he would get away from this torture!

Zack was siting at a round table somewhere in the back of the room. This table was specialy reserved for the First's; Angeal, Genesis, and Sephiroth. Since Angeal was Zacks mentor he got to sit at the table with them. Cloud was also allowed to sit with them since he had ties with Zack.

Zack noticed how far away Cloud had pushed his chair away from the menacing Sephiroth. So far, that he was practically sitting on Genesis's lap who also wasn't comfy with the Infantry man in his personal bubble.

He stared gloomily at his blonde friend sitting across the table from him.

Cloud, who was intently paying attention to the President felt like someone was staring at him. He slowly looked over his shoulder and saw a zombiefied Zack staring at him, non-blinking.

Cloud felt uneasy and he swallowed loudly trying to look away from Zack and around the room instead, pulling at the colar of his uniform.

Zack kept staring at him unfazed.

He loved seeing his blonde friend squirm in discomfort. Zack nearly grinned at that but tried to keep a straight face. He wanted to see how Cloud would react.

Cloud cleared his throat and looked back at the President, but then sighed and dropped his shoulders when he knew Zack won't stop staring at him.

Doing the most logical thing he could think of, he turned back at Zack with the same expression the black haired man had and stared at him from across the table.

An eerily-serious staring contest started, no one blinked, spoke or cracked their expression.

The person who broke their concentration was Angeal, who was sitting next to Zack. Angeal noticed that his Puppy was being surprisingly well mannered.

He looked over to his apprentice and shook his head when he was staring at some Infantry man with dry red eyes. Angeal slapped the teen in the back of the head and spoke in a flat tone, "Stop scaring the poor kid, you might give him the wrong impression. Pay attention, this is stuff you need to know."

Zack scowled at Angeal and held the back of his head in pain.

"But this is stupid! I have no idea what the Old Man is going on and on about!" Zack whined and pouted. Angeal just gave him a stern look and turned his attention back to boss of the company.

The teen rolled his eyes and looked back at Cloud, who was blinking his eyes in an owlish fashion to remoisten them. Zack gave a goofy grin, idea's to entertain himself coming to his brain that Angeal insisted that didn't exsist. And Cloud would be his accomplice.

Zack hastily searched the many pockets in his uniform for a piece of paper and a pen. He found them and started scribbling on it, folded the paper and chucked it at the back of Cloud's head.

Cloud jumped, somewhere in the back of his mind thinking it was Sephiroth petting his hair. The silver haired man really irked him for some reason. Cloud turned a questioning eye to the silver haired ban but noticed a piece of paper fell from his spikes.

Zack motioned for him to open it. Cloud did what he was told, nervous to read what it said.

_i think angeal farted._

Cloud scrunched his eyebrows. What the hell? Zack was really going to bother him at this important meeting with a stupid note? Wait, purple ink...? He wrote back;

_Zack, leave me alone. Pay attention to the President._

He tossed the note back to Zack. Zack frowned when he read it. Cloud could be such an Angeal Jr. sometimes. Killjoy. He ignored Clouds message written in his usual block type writing and wrote.

_i think he 8 lasania last nite. smells like it._

Zack nearly blinded Cloud when he threw the note. The blonde once again read the note.

What the hell is 'lasania'? He shook his head and hoped this wasn't how Zack wrote his reports for Lazard. Cloud resoned that he might as well go along with the whole note thing since Zack wouldn't stop pestering him if he didn't.

_Sounds deadly. Just make sure Sephiroth doesn't get into Chick Mode again and make him dinner._

Zack grinned at Clouds note. It was funny because it was true! Sephiroth was always cooking for Angeal who couldn't even pour cereal in a bowl of milk to save his Buster Sword.

Zack tossed his responce at Cloud, who almost toppled out of his chair trying to catch it. Zack may be good with a sword, but his aim really sucked moogle ass. Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis all looked at one another with a silent, 'Don't bother' and ignored the two of them.

_yup. hey! i got n idea. lets play mercy!_

Cloud grimaced at Zack's purple colored chicken scratch writing. He hated mercy. Zack always won and had him shrieking. How where they supposed to play anyways?

_Now hows that going to work? I'm sitting across from you and I can't reach._

Zack sighed. Silly, silly little chocobo boy.

_we kick each other. duh! plus i dont want 2 hold hands with u in public. 1st one 2 make noise loses + has to be the others slave for a week. deal?_

Cloud gaped at the note. Kicking each other? That was supposed to be fun? Not to mention that if he loses he had to be Zacks bitch for a week. Cloud shrugged to himself and pursed his lips to the side.

He was already there. Might as well try and have the slimest chance of Zack doing whatever he said. He liked that possibility. He wrote with a smile;

_You're on sucker!_

And with that they started their game. Cloud had to admit, it was kinda fun.

From under the table Zack lashed out his foot at Cloud knee. Cloud muffled an intake of breath at the pain. Damn it! He forgot that Zack had steel toed boots!

Zack gave Cloud a cocky grin that said, 'Get ready to do as I say!' knowing what his blonde buddy was thinking.

Cloud shot him a 'No way, asshole!' look.

Cloud got Zack in the shin. Zacks eyes widened in surprise at how hard the midget kicked him. And how much it hurt.

Cloud realeased a barrage of kicks at Zack. The black haired teen noticed with amusent how much Cloud looked looked like an angry chocobo trying to buck someone off their back. The blonde was gripping the bottom of his chair that he was jumping up and down in trying to angle his too short legs at Zack to hurt him.

Zack narrowed his eyes at him in a dark way. What was once a silly game was now war. Zack jerked back his leg and put all the force he could into his kick. He didn't see a reaction from Cloud. That confused Zack when he saw Cloud failing to kick him from across the table unharmed.

Sephiroth turned to Zack, fire burning in those dangerous cat-like eyes. Zack however didn't noticed and continued with the game. He looked like a child having a fit with the way he kicked his legs and had his eyes scrunched.

The general shook his head, jaw clenched in a pissed off way. He snatched a piece of paper from the middle of the table and wrote on it. He pitched it at Zack aiming for his eyes.

The corner of the paper poked him in the eyelid. He immedietly wanted to shout at Cloud for being a jackass but didn't want to lose the game. He opend the note to see what was so important that Cloud had to interupt him with.

_Kick me again and Masamune will carve your face like a pumpkin._

Zack froze. Those twelve words just about made him shit a brick. He looked up cautiously in Sephiroth's direction through his black spikes and quickly looked back done at the note.

The silver haired "angel" was staring at him in a way only the devil could. Zack wrote on the paper.

_not the face, anything but the face! i won't do it again, promise!_

Sephiroth wasnt amused with the note but ignored Zack. By this time Coud stopped his kicking in a desperate attempt to win. He stared at Zack with wide baby blue eyes. Cloud mouthed at him from across the table.

'Pumpkin threat again?'

Zack nodded. They both knew what happened to the last guy Sephiroth threatened that way. They shuddered.

"Now what?" the blonde asked from across the table. He assumed the game ended in a tie.

Zack rubbed his stomach. "I don't know about you, but all that kicking made me hungry." He whined to Cloud in a way that let his friend know to do something about it and pull a sandwhich out of his ass.

And Cloud did just that. Sort of. He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a package of Grips and slid it across the table to Zack. Zacks eyes lit up and he hungrily ripped it open with his teeth.

"You're welcome" Cloud said sarcasticaly at Zacks ungratefulness. There he was, being a caring pal by giving Zack his only snack and he didn't even give him a lousy thank you.

Zack responded by tossing a mini cookie at Cloud. But missed. Horribly missed.

The cookie got lodged in the silver mass of Sephiroth's hair. Zack gulped, a guily looked on his face while he innocently held the package of microscophic cookies.

The both of the froze and waited for the general to turn and plunge the football field length sword into Zacks face.

Apparently, he didn't notice. Thank Gods!

"Okay..." Zack drawled in a relived exhale. He pushed the snack back to Cloud. If Sephiroth did somehow notice, Cloud would be framed and Zack wouldn't get hurt.

Cloud didn't realize the truth behind Zacks offer as he was quietly and slowly enjoying the snack meant for him.

Thinking the fun was over, Zack whipped out his DS that he remebered was kept in his pocket and started playing. He started it up and began clicking away on it. Angeal, Sephiroth and Genesis were pleased with the quietness from the two.

"Come on Angeal, gimme paw! Gimme paw! THAT'S A GOOD BOY!' Zack gushed.

Everyone at the table broke their necks at the speed they whipped their heads around to stare at Zack and Angeal. Their faces all said 'What. The. Fuck is going on!'

Zack was sitting in his chair, knee's pulled up to his chest playing on his DS. He looked up at everyones questioning stares.

"What? I'm playing NintenDogs...Don't judge me!" Zack added as Genesis started to chuckle behind a gloved hand.

Angeal spoke up in a disturbed voice. "Zack... what were you talking about before?"

The black haired teen tilted his head, "Huh? Oh, that! Well in this game you get to adopt these puppies and teach 'em tricks. I named mine Angeal cuz I thought it'd be good pay back for you always calling me a puppy!" Zack beamed. Angeal on the other hand wasn't sure to be flattered or insulted.

Cloud, Genesis and Sephiroth tried to laugh quietly at Zacks view of things.

Zack was confussed. "What's so funny? I named puppies after you guys too," He showed them the screen of the portable game. They stared blankly at the puppies that were named after them, and, ironically looked like them. "i had to put you guys in the kennel because I didn't want you guys anymore." He continued.

Cloud felt crushed, Genesis and Sephiroth wanted to kill Zack.

"Sephiroth..? I do believe there is something in your hair." The auburn haired Soldier spoke.

Zack dropped Angeal the Puppy. Oh no, oh nonono. Fucking Genesis!

Sephiroth raked his hands through his hair , "Hmm?" He stared at the cookie in between his fingers. He immedietly looked over to Zack who was already prepared with an accusing finger pointed at Cloud.

Cloud was shocked at the betrayal as he scrambled to hide the package. He was too late.

Sephiroths eyes blazed in fury.

The silver haired man pointed Masmune at Cloud and then Zack, "You better start running" He ground out from clenched teeth.

Not wasting a nano-second, Cloud snatched Zacks arm and started to dash out of the auditorium dragging his friend with him. Once they were perfectly safe behind a giant leafy plant, a ficus by Cloud's observations, Zack snapped.

"ANGEEEEAL! THEY HAVE ANGEAL! I GOTTA GO BACK AND GET HIM!" Zack cried refering to the virtual puppy. Cloud wrapped his arms around the others waist and dug his heels into the ground to prevent the SOLDIER from going back into the room.

"Zack, you can't go back in there!" He spun Zack around and clasped his hands firmly on the taller man's shoulders.

"It's too late for Angeal." The blonde said in a dramatic yet sympathetic voice. Zack looked like he was about to cry at the fact that the SOLDIERS were holding his puppy hostage.

* * *

><p>Sephiroth had calmed down and decided to let the teens live thanks to Angeal. The three of them chatting quietly after the conference ended. The auburn haired SOLDIER noticed what Zack left behind.<p>

Genesis leaned over and picked up the glowing device on the ground and started to fiddle with it.

"...Paws of fluffyness and cuteness spread afar-," He spoke, somewhat quoting LOVELESS. He cut himself off. "Oh, Good Genesis! Are you not such a cutie? Yes, you are! Roll over!"

Angeal and Sephiroth sighed and started to massage their temples.

* * *

><p><strong>I was thinking about abandoning this, since I have a lot more idea's, but decided to go on with it because of zexydemyx66.<strong>

**Why I was planning on stopping this fic is because; Reviews.**

**I know I've gotten atleast 350 visits to this fic, and even if a fourth of those people reviewed and told me what they thought, I'd be grateful.**

**Because, how else am I to know if people actually love this and want to see this going on? I wouldn't want anyone to be dissapointed.**

**With that, I hope you enjoyed this one. :3**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	5. Glue

Glue

It only took Zack to speak those three, painfully hard words to Cloud.

Not THOSE three words, yaoi fangirls. Sorry.

Those three words were;

"Where's the glue?" Zack said, shifting his eyes around in a suspicious manner. He was worried about how Cloud would react to the suspicious question, making it hard for him to swallow his guilt and ask.

Cloud looked up from Motorcycle Weekly to raise an eyebrow at Zack.

**Crap**, Zack thought.** He's onto me.**

The chocobo haired teen was afraid to ask but did anyway,"...Why, Zack?"

Said black haired man started to scratch the back of his head. Cloud noticed his friends nervous habit and glared at him, knowing he was up to no good.

"Zack?" Cloud questioned again, a little bit more angrily when he didnt get a responce. Zack noted his 'Tell-me-what-the-hell-you-broke-now.-Or-else-' tone of voice.

He fumbled around for a lie "Umm, I uh, wanted to make Aerith a card, for her birthday. Thats coming up. Cuz, ya know, girls find homemade gifts...romantic." Cloud snorted and returned to his magazine, obviously falling for the horrible lie.

"Middle drawer, on the left hand side in the kitchen." The blonde spoke from behind his magazine, once again losing intrest on the outside world while he was reading about milleage. Zack dashed to the kitchen, vaulting over the couch (not to mention Clouds dangerous spikes) in the process. He searched for the mentioned drawer only to look back at Cloud on the couch with a confused expression.

He opened his mouth to dumbly say he didnt see the drawer, when Cloud practically heard his distressed friends' thoughts from his miniscule brain. He shouted from across the room to be heard, without glancing up from his magazine, "The drawer with the pot holder on the knob. Do you need a map, pal?"

Zack ignored the other man's sarcasm as he found the drawer and held the glue stick up in a victorious way. He threw open the door and made his way out of the shared apartment and into Shinra's employee garage. Standing in front of their garage, Zack fished in his deep pockets for the keys to him and Clouds shared garage. He pulled the metal door up and whimpered at what he saw.

What he had left behind to find the glue.

What he CAUSED.

In front of him sat Fenrir. Torn apart in a million different parts, strewn across the concrete floor. The way the garage was dark, except for the single spot light on the discombobulated motorcycle just added to how much the poor thing was just screaming, 'Why Zack? WHY?'

Zack looked from Fenrir, to the tiny glue stick in his hand, back to Fenrir.

Cloud was going to kill him.

**Welp**, Zack thought gravely, **might as well get to work...** The man sat down glumly in front of the heap of pieces and whipped off the cap of the glue stick with his teeth. Zack sat hunched, light illuminating him, and carefully tried glueing the metal contraption back together with the weak, washable, childrens elementry glue.

* * *

><p>Cloud had finished intently reading his magazine about ten minutes after Zack left.<p>

WHICH WAS OVER 3 HOURS AGO.

Zack hadn't told him where he was going and was worried sick. Cloud started to pace around the room, resembling much like a worried housewife, minus the bathrobe, fuzzy slippers and hair curlers. He tried calling 'the Puppy's' cell. Over FOUR times. Each time leaving a voicemail when the raven haired man didn't pick up. He even called Angeal!

For all Cloud knew, his SOLDIER friend could be held hostage in Hojo's Lab while Sephiroth slowly sliced him open with Masamune with Hojo cackling insanely in the background.

The blonde stopped his pacing momentarily before rushing out of the apartment when that thought popped into his mind. Zack had come close to that almost happening before when he had made fun of Hojo's dorky glasses and Sephiroths squeaky boots and the two decided to gang up on him.

After building up the courage to ask the intimidating looking people around Shinra for a while, he found out that some people witnessed the usually perky SOLDIER dash to the garages.

Cloud made his way there and opened their shared garage door with the spare set of keys he had.

His jaw dropped.

Fenrir was...gone. And in it's place was a pile of rubble, that was strangely colored like Fenrir; shiny black and silver metal.

As his eyes were oggled, just staring at the disaster in front of him in a trance, Zack came out of the shadows and hesitantly placed his hand on the shorter mans shoulder. Cloud jumped, being brought out of his daze at the unexpectedness. He slowly look over his shoulder. His jaw was clenched, face red and a vein was popping in his neck. Not to mention his eyes held a hint of berserk-ness in them.

Zack thought he looked eerily reminecent to the girl from The Excorcist.

In a way, Zack started to think how he could some how turn a corner and conive his way out of this mess when the awkward silence commenced between them two.

"You, are DEAD."Cloud spoke finally, voice demonic, like the possessed little girl from Zacks favorite movie. The tone in the shorter, but deadlier, man's voice made Zack flinch the smallest bit, but he had more important things on his mind:

He KNEW Cloud was hiding something from him. Cloud really did get possessed like Zack had suspised about a week ago!

Cloud was still staring at him, fantasizing about ways to torture the SOLDIER by only using his beloved black locks in the process, while boring holes into the mans chin, since Zack was so much taller than him and his neck couldnt lift higher.

"It's not what it looks like!" Zack quickly said practically feeling the skin on his jaw melt from Clouds glare. Noticing Clouds toruture plans just by his expression.

Zack continued, clenching his eyes and fists shut, "I JUST WANTED TO SEE HOW THE TOTALLY AWESOME TURBO YOU PUT ONTO FENRIR WORKED BECAUSE IT'S SO AWESOME I WANT IT FOR MY SCOOTER SINCE THATS THE ONLY WAY I GET AROUND THE CITY AND I ALWAYS GET MADE FUN OF FOR HAVING THE LITTLE BASKET AND BELL UP IN FRONT OF IT SO I THOUGHT THE TURBO BOOST WOULD MAKE IT SEEM MORE MANLY AND I COULD RUB IT IN RENO'S FACE BUT I GOT DISTRACTED BY THE SHINY-NESS OF FENRIR AND KEPT TAKING IT APART-" Zack stopped to take a deep breath, "BUT I SWEAR, IT WASN'T ME NO MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS AND OR SOUNDS LIKE!"

Zack cracked one eye open to look at Cloud only to notice that the blondes expression didnt change.

It was obvious that Zack had just lied. It didnt take a genius to also notice the glob of clear-ish glue on Zacks face and all over Fenrir, not including the empty, very mangled glue stick tube lying defenselessly on the ground.

Cloud jabbed a finger up at Zacks face, the ravenette going cross eyed (If that were possible when only having one eye opened) by idiotically following it.

"You better sleep like that from now on." The blonde finger-pointer ground out threatningly and turned around in a huff to stomp out of the garage.

Zack stood there amazed. He took that better then the raven haired man thought he would.

But lets face the facts, Zack was never right.

* * *

><p>Sorry for the super late update! I just started school (story of my life..), been super busy with friends and family, and JUST got my laptop back from getting repaired. I hate updating late, I really do, because I know how it feels when authors dont update for a majorly long time and I don't want people thinking the same about me. I know this ones a bit on the short side, but i've come up with a a few other prompts for the future during the process. So, tell me what you thought of this chapter by reviewing. And oh!, before I forget, feel free to leave idea's for prompts in a review also if you would like to see me write your idea up. I would really like that, (I know you guys out there are uberly creative and funny!) and of course, credit for the idea shall be given (:<p>

~Sabby-Sama


	6. Monster of a Time

Monster of a time.

When AVALANCHE takes a trip to a monster themed mini golf place, they don't just go to putt for fun. Oh, no. AVALANCHE goes to WIN, even if they don't follow the rules like they should.

Either that, or they just overrun the place and possibly burn it to the ground. Maybe even both.

Yup, it's definetly both.

As everyone stepped into the dark building they noticed the only light coming from the purplish UV lights above, making neon paint on the walls portraying different scenes glow. Not to mention a certain blonde's hair.

"Haha, Cloud! Your hair is neon blue!" Yuffie said in an abnoxious voice, mocking Cloud's hair while trying to ruffle it. When she realized she couldn't reach his now blue spikes, she handed him a pocket mirror. Cloud started to panic

He peered into the mirror, afraid at first. Hoping his eyes were lying to him he shouted,"Wh-what do you mean my hair's BLUE?" He said hysterically while shaking his head violently as if the color would pop out of his hair making it blonde again and waltz out the door.

Zack chuckled, "Relax, Cloud. It's no big deal!" Cloud's jaw dropped.

"NO BIG DEAL? OF COURSE IT IS! MY HAIR IS BLUE." He clutched his spikes while going bug eyed. Zack just shrugged his shoulders and walked off to a nearby racing arcade game, holding a giggling Aerith's hand bringing her along.

Cloud looked over to his girlfriend, Tifa. "Please tell me it'll wash out" He begged, pleading with watery eyes. She only laughed at his sillyness. A deep, frustrated sound came from Vincent who wasn't looked at until now.

"Cloud, your hair is of a light color, thus making the light react with it turning it a blue hue, It's only temporary because of the lighting." Everyone stared in shock at Vincent. But it wasn't for the reason that he was smart enought to explain UV lights.

He continued with a sigh at their looks,"Like me."

And there Vincent stood, his usually unearthly pale skin (Being his face since the rest of his body was covered with his infamous attire) was now glowing a light blue.

Everyone was looking at him like he was a four headed chocobo with their mouths agape. Including Zack who was engaged in a heated game of Need For Speed was now frozen, the game going on without him.

It took a minute for it to sink in until everyone burst into stitches, including Cloud.

Yuffie spoke in between gasps of laughter, "Oh, Vinnie! -gasp- You're, you're -gasp- such a dork!" Everyone laughed even harder, a couple of teens and parents of younger children looking towards them, each questioning if the group of howling people were just released from the nearby asylumn, especially when they noticed the odd man with the glowing skin.

Barett, who now had not-so-manly tears in his eyes, even if they were from laughing, was doubled over, literally 'ROFL-ing'. Cid was hunched over, resting an arm against the wall trying to huff some air into his smokers lungs. Vincent just stood there and frowned while everyone laughed at his expense.

Usually quiet Aerith wasn't so quiet now as she snorted a sly remark through her laughter, "Are you sure you're not a vampire Vincent? You have Twilight skin!" Everyone just ERUPTED, including some snickering passer by's.

Vincent just continued to stand there, arms crossed and foot tapping waiting for everyone to stop making fun of him. It astounded him how they had just gotten there and they were already causing mayhem and most likely going to get thrown out and banned forever, their pictures lining the black walls like mugshots.

It wouldn't have been the first time.

A few minutes, tissues, and deep shaky breaths to regain from the mini roast later, they were more then ready to get their clubs and glowing golf balls and wait in line to enter the course.

Zack nudged Cloud in the ribs, "Hey, hey, aren't these some awesome BALLS?" He said holding out his neon pink golf raven haired man started to snicker at his own perverted joke while Cloud just rolled his eyes at his immaturness.

The doors opened, and they all rushed in, Barett adding a booming "OH YEAH, LET'S DO THIS!".

They went off together and played in teams, Barett and Cid, Yuffie with Vincent, Tifa with Aerith, and sadly, Cloud with Zack.

Cloud and Zack were the last group to ambush the indoor course.

"Ugh, what's with all the kids?" Zack complained as he saw a couple of little snot nosed kids runing around hazardly swinging their minature clubs around, while their mothers approved of the delinquent behavior.

Cloud was going to answer with a snarky comment, preferably something about Zack being a pedophile and he shouldn't mind all the children, when a little girl scurried up to Cloud and stared up at him.

Cloud, not knowing what to do as the little girl eerily stared deadly lazerbeams of what Cloud imagined to be unicorns and rainbows at him. Zack was giggling off to his side. Cloud raised his hand to wave and say hi. But when the little girl screamed bloody murder and ran away screeching, "MOMMY! THE BLUE CHOCOBO MAN TRIED TO TOUCH ME!" He stopped, Zack and Cloud stared at each other.

Until they noticed a quite buff looking soccer mom wielding a deadly golf club stomping their way, fire burning in her eyes and smoke fuming out of her nose as the little brat stood behind her grinning connivingly at the two men.

"RUN!" they both yelled as they made a mad dash in the other direction, skipping Holes 1,2, and 3, Hole three almost becoming Cloud's very cramped and shallow grave as he tripped when his foot got caught in it. Zack dragged him up and along.

When they thought they were safe, they stopped and bent over, hands resting on their knee's trying to catch their breath.

Cloud panted to Zack, "Did- was I the only one who- noticed how-creepy that...that little girl looked- at me?"

Zack nodded wildly. He started to cough up his lungs," Like, like you were some sexy, delicious blue candy she wanted to take-take a bite out of!"

"And the mom!" They both screeched simultaneously, cringing at the thought of them almost getting bludgeoned to death by a seemingly harmless golf club.

Zack looked up, still in his hunched over position to see where they were. Apparently, they ran into the right direction, far away from the murderous mom and closer to the rest of AVALANCHE.

The two of them noticed that Aerith and Tifa were motioning for them to get over to where they were, so they obeyed like the good little boyfriends they are and staggered over.

"Where were you guys? Me and Aerith were starting to think you got eaten by that big clown back there!" Tifa exclaimed, motioning to the giant clown head on the other side of the room.

"Well, sort of." Zack responded. When Aerith opened her mouth, Cloud spoke while waving a hand, "Just, don't ask. Please." The girls crinkled their brows but didn't push them any further.

"ANYWAYS, look at the goofs over there!" Aerith said while pointing a pink painted finger nail in a different direction.

The four of them watched their friends struggling to play mini golf, and getting defeated but the little holes of pure evil.

Vincent was standing in one corner of the room three inches away from Hole 5, using all his concentration to get his little neon green ball into the hole with a slight putt so he can proceed. He stupidly looked like an old man the way he was practically breaking his back from leaning over to use the too small golf club. Each time his concentration was broken by a certain ninja, making him hit the ball against the little little wall that was behind the hole, missing it and starting over again with strained patience and restrained rage at the defenseless sphere of heavy plastic.

Cid, who had given up a long time ago was now apparently pretending to be a southern stripper by using a fake brick column used to give the appearance of a haunted house. He waved an imaginery lasso in the air as he did his thing on the 'pole'. Barett was watching him, joking along by whistling and throwing arcade tokens at him, aiming to hurt the man more then to pay him with free rounds of Wheel Of Fortune for his efforts.

The four of them laughed at their friends, making fun of them individually like the wonderful friends they were.

Tifa and Aerith left the two boys behind to catch up on their own games, clubs and golf balls in hand as they waved a goodbye.

"We should probably catch up on our game too, huh?" Zack suggested. Cloud shrugged. That's what they were here for after all.

They started to play mini golf; or soccer the way Zack was doing it, with Cloud chanting 'cheater cheater, pumpkin eater!' at him the whole time.

The men stopped playing when they heard a surprised. "Oh shit!" and a round of gun fire going off from Barett. The two looked over to see what the commotion was all about.

Tifa and Aerith were now in their fighting stances, ditching their clubs. Cid, who now was wearing his shirt in a very stripper-friendly, but a not so mini golf course with a lot of young children-friendly way stopped gathering his tokens like a measely beggar, courtesy of Barett's kindness.

And Vincent, who had gotten so irritated by his golf club, blaming it for not putting the ball into it's home, had just fashioned it into a heart using his inhuman strength and gave it to Yuffie. Yuffie, who thought a kiddie germ infested golf club contorted into a heart was the most romantic thing ever, covered her mouth with her hand as she looked at Vincent lovingly. When they heard Barett's shout of surprise, they whirled around to face him, Vincent weilding Cerberus and Yuffie weilding her new gift like a shuriken.

Apparently, Zack and Cloud were the most unprepared as they stood there, bent over their clubs staring dumbly up at Baretts direction.

The firing of Barett's machine gun infused arm set off a mass hysteria. Mothers worriedly grabbed their children by the ears and hurried off to saftey (Which was out of the building and in their cars) Employee's scrambled about to their own saftey, not even daring to try and kick out AVALANCHE.

What caused Barett to flip out you ask?

A door got kicked in so hard it flew off it's hinges and into a ghost decoration hanging from a wall, knocking it off the nail it was suspended on. Zack wondered if a donkey on Mako was the cause of the violated door.

But it wasn't a donkey sky-high on Mako.

It was something worse, as impossible as that sounds.

In came the Mini Golf Legends. Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal.

They were SO good at the manly sport of mini golfing that the golfing place let them get in for free, since they were the Legends. Not that their weapons had anything to do with it.

AVALANCHE gave their nemesis's dirty looks.

As the trio walked in, Sephiroth's and Genesis's hair and coats were fluttering about in a dramatic way, while Angeal was the odd one out eyeing them enviously.

"Hello." Spoke Sephiroth in his bone chilling voice. He smirked deviously at the group.

Zack, being the one who was a few sandwich's short of a picnic strut up to Sephiroth with a goofy,innocent smile."Hey, Sephy. Long time no see!" As Zack reached out an arm to make an attempt at a man-hug type gesture, Sephiroth growled at him, his cat like eyes glowing. The raven haired man held up his hands in surrender and backed up to rejoin his group which were now shaking their heads at his stupidness.

Genesis whipped out a red golf club that looked like Rapier from a special club holder within his coat. "We challenge you to a duel, OF MINI GOLF!" The redhead announced. Angeal and Sephiroth nodded in agreement as they too whipped out their own special clubs that resembled their swords.

"So do you accept?" Angeal inquired, sizing up the group for competition.

"Hell yeah!" Barett spoke up pumping a fist in the air. Everyone agreed excitedly.

"If we win, the three of you have to dress like women and walk around the Shinra building all day." Zack demanded. His friends shot him distressed looks and shaking their heads, 'no.' knowing what was going to happen. But Zack didn't seem to notice.

"And if WE win, you and Cloud shall have to do the same." Sephiroth replied. Before anyone could stop Zack, he shook on it with Sephiroth, ignoring the protests and threats coming from the blonde.

"Don't forget the fake boobs, LADIES." Zack said emphasizing the last words as he was shaking the Generals hand. Sephiroth just smirked. There was no way they were going to win!

"And tell Cloud not to forget his dress."

"Hey! That was a one time thing and I only did it to save Tifa!"

The general stepped back to rejoin his posse.

"And, now, feel the wrath of Masamune Jr.!" Sephiroth shouted, swinging a 7 foot golfing club. The members of AVALANCHE had no choice so they too got out their clubs (Except for Vincent who just stood there glowing)

It was a fierce, well fought battle. One filled with cheating with materia and tripping a few people in the process. But the victors were...Sephiroth's team.

After the dust settled from half of the building getting destryoed in the process, and it was obvious that AVALANCHE lost the game of mini golf, Cloud turned to face Zack, jaw set.

"I hate you." He spoke sourly and smashed his club as hard as he could into the the thick skull that was Zack.

* * *

><p>I am SOOO sorry for not updating a new chapter in a while! D:<p>

I've been busy with a couple other one shots and my new story "Homework" But I PROMISE I'll have another chapter up soon to continue with the madness! I mad this one a bit longer than usual to try and make up for it though. Also, sorry if this was a little on the Crack/OOC side xD

~Sabby-Sama


	7. Silky Demons

(Thought I should put one here xD) Warnings; Language, childlike behavior. Undies.

Silky Demons

"WHAT." The black haired man started

"THE." A blonde next to him said

"FUUU-" Cloud and Zack cut themselves off at the stern, blood chilling look they received from Tifa. She could make some scary looking faces that even Sephiroth would piss his pants.

Aerith giggled to herself at the frozen, scared expressions on their faces. Tifa glared at the two child-like men with her mahogany colored eyes.

"No swearing in my bar!" She barked, verbally abusing them. The last thing she needed was Marlene and Denzel picking up a cussing habit. It's bad enough she already had to worry about Cid. Zack snorted.

"Kinda ironic, no? Theres always a bunch of drunks here swearing like sailors but yet you scold us non-intoxicated's." Cloud elbowed him in the ribs for talking back to Tifa. She opened her mouth to give a fresh reply but Cloud spoke up.

"Wait, so umm..Let me get this straight," He started to scratch the back of his head making his pale blonde spikes bob wildly. "You want...lingerie for Christmas?" Cloud asked. This was what started the swearing close call.

Tifa stood there, arms crossed. "Thats right." She said in an even tone, a serious expression on her face. Aerith, who was standing next to her nodded slightly with a shy smile.

His next question made Tifa wonder why she was even dating Cloud. "But why?" He stupidly asked like the dense blonde he was.

"To play hockey with! Really, what do you think Cloud?" She rolled her eyes at him.

Zack to the rescue, but mostly for his own selfish reasons. He, like Cloud, really didn't want to go lingeire shopping. Fuck Cloud, he wasn't going down with him!

"But most boyfriends don't get their woman lingerie for Christmas! They get them... a puppy, or a cheesy card or something."

"Keyword is 'most' Zacky-Kins!" Aerith exclaimed, happy at the point she made.

Zack looked up to the Heavens, or what could have been mistaken for the Heavens. _**Seems like Cloud went holiday lights-happy when he was decorating the bar for Tifa, **_Zack thought as he took deep huffy breaths, on the edge of throwing a tantrum.

"Those 'most' men are creeps. If you see a man holding those fancy pink bags you're not gonna think, 'Look at that guy! I bet he bought his girlfriend some panties. Such a thoughtful boyfriend.' No. They're going to think 'Gross, that dude just bought himself some frilly womanly bra's. Lets run.' " The black haired man said in a patient, yet whiny tone trying to explain to Aerith as if SHE was the child.

His girlfriend looked down at the ground, dissapointment on her face. Zack hated to see her like this.

_**Don't break, Zack! Be strong! **_He told himself.

Tifa noticed her closest friends defeat and she glared at Zack, "You are going wether you like it or not," She turned to look at Cloud and spoke through her teeth, "Or else you want me kicking your teeth down your throat."

She narrowed her eyes at him. Cloud shuddered, there was no arguing with an angry, determined Tifa. She WILL go through with her threat. The blonde learned that lesson far too many times.

The two men sighed in surrender. Cloud got his car keys. There was no way them two we're going to ride together on Fenrir, Zack clutching onto Cloud from the back seat. That would just complete the gayness. But it wasn't like they could ride the motorcycle, because Zack MUTALATED it. Zack followed him out the door. Tifa and Aerith celebrating behind them.

* * *

><p>The two of them were finally in the shopping plaza that contained the lingerie store from Hell. Cloud clicked the alarm to his little red smart car rental, or as Zack liked to call it, the GAY-Mobile. When Cloud drove up to 7th Heaven for the first time in it, Zack cracked jokes. Mostly about how the car sounded like an angry mosquito when Cloud drove it around like a "Pimp". Than Zack had made a bet with Cloud that he could pick up the little Matchbox car. Zack won with the help of a certain redheaded Turk who was drinking in the bar at the time.<p>

They stood outside the glass doors of Victoria's Secret hesitating on what to do next. Zack pushed Cloud forward, the blonde almost toppling ungracefuly into the snow.

"C'mon Chocobo Butt, you go first." Zack egged him on. He didn't want to go first.

Cloud whipped his head around to look back at Zack, his eyebrows narrowed,"My hair is NOT that butt-ish!" He complained, trying to defend himself. His friend laughed realizing he struck a nerve. Again.

"Right, but your face is!" Zack started howling with laughter at his own comeback. Cloud frowned and his shoulders slumped. He could never win with Zack and his constant rashings and remarks. But that's what made their friendship odd and different. In a good way.

Cloud sighed heavily and opened the glass doors, a sign to Zack that he was caving in. When in doubt, crush Clouds feelings. He smiled triumphantly and followed Cloud in. They both froze at the entrance.

Everything hit them at once;

Pink. EVERYWHERE. Half naked models on posters. And ladies were staring at them like they somehow mistaken the lingerie store for the sports store next door. Some of the women were whispering to one another about the perverts who just walked in.

"Oh Gods. What have we gotten ourselves into." Cloud said, more of a statement then a question since he knew the answer.

Zack snapped out of his frozen state, a confused look came over his face. "Now what? Do we take a number or something and wait in line like at the Deli?" He half frowned in his confusion.

Cloud answered his friend. " I-I think we just grab something and pay for it."

"Whoa, WHOA! We have to touch those things?" Zack said, as he pointed to a bin filled with some kind of sparkly material. He looked as if someone told him that materia came from flying monkeys poop.

He ignored him and selfconciously walked over to the drawers stuffed with the horrid delicate material. He beckoned Zack to come over. Zack obeyed.

"Dude, look at this!" Cloud held up a huge, lacey blue bra that would probably fit Tifa. Clouds face looked giddy, a goofy grin plastered on his face. He looked like a teenage boy whose hand accidently brushed against a girls butt.

"Can't you picture Tifa wearing this? It's totally hot!" The blonde said to his friend. Zacks mouth hung open at the lace.

"Yeah, yeah I can..." He was practically drooling. Cloud glared at him. If looks could kill, Zack would have died atleast 32 times. Zack noticed this.

"Well don't think about it." The blonde snapped. The black haired man raised his hands as if to say, _'Don't swing your sword at my gorgeous hair!' _The boys momentarily forgot about their fear of the lingerie.

At that moment, Cloud noticed two familiar faces over his friends shoulder. He panicked.

"Oh SHIT!" the blonde whisper-yelled. He yanked Zack down behind the drawers of lingerie forcing him to sit. In the process of doing so, one of the mannequins on the dresser toppled over and made a loud noise when it collided with the ground. A couple of women suspiciously looked their way.

Cloud plopped down next to him. The ravenette was about to kick him in the face for his actions until he heard the familiar voices.

"Why the hell did ya bring me in here? Couldn't I just stay in the car?" someone groaned out in annoyance.

A deep sigh was heard. "No, you couldn't. I need your opinion! How does this look?"

Zack turned to Cloud, "What are they doing here!" He whispered fiercly to Cloud as if he knew the answer. Cloud shrugged, wide-eyed. He was referring to Reno and Elena, who were just 10 feet away from them. Luckily, the couple didn't see the two men.

"They can't see us here! What do you think they'll think? Those goddamn turks.."

The blonde told him to 'shh' as he held up a finger and listened to the couples conversation.

"Ya owe me, 'Lena. You yanked me away from that cute little goat at the petting zoo jus' so you could come here before this lame sale ended." Reno said gloomily.

Her boyfriend could be so...odd sometimes. "That furry creature was ugly. It kept trying to hump me!" Elena complained. Reno chuckled.

The redhead forgot all about his selfish sorrow,"Exactly why I named him Reno Jr." He winked at Elena. She elbowed him to remind him they were in a public place.

Zack and Cloud stayed where they were, their butt cheeks starting to hurt from sitting on the cold, hard tiled floor of the store. Cloud noticed that the tiles had sparkles ebbed in them. They listened to the somewhat disturbing talk that the couple had until they heard them pay for some stuff and leave the store. Zack peeked out to check if the coast was clear.

Zack picked up the fallen mannequin and chucked it at Clouds head, it bounced off the others forehead making a sickening thump. "You fucking suck." Zack said as he stiffly stood up, rubbing his probably bruised butt freely out in the open.

Cloud ignored him as he rubbed his head, rapidly blinking his bulging eyes, trying to clear the spots and white light he was seeing. He hopped he wouldn't go blind from the object.

"Stop trying to copy a toad and get up." Zack said from above him, he stretched a hand out to Cloud and he took it.

Cloud checked his watch "We wasted 45 minutes and we still haven't gotten them anything." He rubbed his temples. This was not going well.

"Maybe if you weren't being an ass we could have already boughten something and ditched this place!" He said blaming Cloud.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever," the blonde said as he was grabbing a handful of mis-matching stuff from the bins and jamming them in his pockets for safe keeping until he paid at the register. A couple of people noticed this, alarmed, but didn't say anything, noticing their swords.

"Hey, man. You can't be doing that. We can't let people see straight men touching...Those things!" Zack said, nervously looking around not refering to Cloud looking like a criminal. Cloud looked at him with narrowed eyebrows as he put the stuff back.

"Are you saying we have to be gay?"

Zack grinned, "Look at you using that brain of yours! We need to play Gay." He explained as if they were going to play House and Zack was the puppy and Cloud was the pet Chocobo in the family.

The blonde shot him an incredious look.

"You want us to play Gay." He repeated, confirming what he heard. Zack responded with a 'DUH!' face and added, "For the sake of our straightness!" Cloud exhaled deeply shaking his head slighty at the completely stupid thing Zack just said. It made no damn sense.

"Okay, fine. How do we do this?" He asked, irritated.

Zack, strangely, looked happy that Cloud was going through with this plan. Well, what other choice did he have? Zack spoke.

"It's simple, just do it." He sighed at Clouds unsatisfied face at his answer. "Just follow me." Cloud nodded slightly in agreement. Zack walked over to the opposite rack of bra's and picked up a purple one. He called for Cloud in an attempt to fake Aeriths voice, "Oh, yoohoo! Cloudy! Look at this!"

Cloud took that as his cue. He akwardly skipped to Zack crossing his fingers that he was playing the part well.

"Oh my gosh, so cute!" The blonde uneasily said in the same high pitched voice as Zack, wincing at the end realizing the torture of this situation. Zack seemed unfazed by all this. He put the bra up to Cloud's chest as if seeing if it would fit him. Cloud jumped back and shot a look at him. The other women around them, however, didn't notice this but smiled at the 'couple' and went about their buisness not giving them a second look.

Zack grinned and whispered, "It's working! Turn it up a notch!"

Cloud grimaced but did as he was told. He twirled over to another set of bins and sifted through them as if he was intrested. He got a couple of panties and waved them in the air like he was signaling planes to land. He shrieked out, "Look Zacky-Kins!" Using Aeriths pet name for him. Zack enthusiasticaly gave him a thumbs up, approving of the lingerie. Cloud hung on to them for Tifa, not even bothering to look at the sizes.

Zack shouted from across the room to his blonde friend in his regular manly voice completely forgetting about playing the part. Cloud looked at him wide eyed, sharply shaking his head. Zack didn't understand. He started to shout again from his corner of the room asking what was up with Clouds neck.

Cloud grabbed a handful of flimsy fabric and pelted Zack with them. He didn't understand so he angrily tossed some back. Cloud resisted the urge to throw some more back but since he WAS the more mature of the two, he decided to flip Zack off.

Zack laughed, "Bold actions! Save that for the road, mail man!" Cloud scrunched up his face

"I'm a delivery boy!" He practically cried out, somehow remembering to speak in his pretend gay voice. That didn't help the situation at all. The ravenette clutched his cramping stomach from laughing so hard. Cloud clenched his jaw and balled up his fist.

Zack had been laughing for a good minute or two now, Cloud couldn't stand it. He was over here making fun of him in public. Need he mention that they were in Victoria's Secret?

He reverted back to tossing more bra's and undies, he even tossed some nearby hangers like shurikens to shut Zack up. They both went at it, a fullblown silky war. Whenever someone walked into their little secluded part of the store they would stop and pretend to be like normal citizens, glaring at each other. As soon as they left they would go back to their childlike behavior, switching from abnoxious lingerie throwing men to playing Gay.

Cloud finally had enough. He knew that his older friend could do this for hours. He once again tried to tell Zack by gesturing to him to highten his voice. He did this by poiting at his own voice box and raising his hand over his dangerously sharp spikes and pretending to be a screeching Opera singer.

Zack scrunched up his face and tilted his head to the side, puzzled, until he finally breathed out an 'ooooh', the realization hitting him.

He shuffled over to Cloud while kicking up the lingerie.

"Are you almost done?" He asked Cloud. Cloud shook his head and noticed how much of the delicates Zack was holding for Aerith.

Most of it was twice the size of what Aerith would have worn. She would break down crying on Christmas taking it as an insult. Tifa would then have to kick his ass after comforting Aerith about how it sucked to have big boobs. Not to mention that she shouldn't let it get to her because Zack was a jerk.

One of the employee's came up to them and she tried to smile warmly despite the mess everywhere and asked, "Is there anything I can help you two with today?" Zack put on a sugary sweet smile and nodded. Cloud stood off to the side trying to slyly kick everything under a changing stall nearby.

"Can you help us pick something out for him?" Zack asked gesturing to Cloud (who was now finished getting rid of the evidence) speaking in the feminine voice again. Zack continued, "He's just soooo confused on what to get. Theres so many choices!"

The sales woman laughed and nodded, "There really is, it's a good thing I work here though because I get discounts!" They both giggled, Zack playfully swatted the girls hand as if to say,_ 'Oh, you!'_

Cloud scratched the back of his head wondering what to do so he walked up to Zack and akwardly put his arm around his friends waist. Zack stopped laughing with the woman and looked at him to say, _'You're going way too fucking far.'_ Cloud backed away.

After a while, the sales woman helped pick out some stuff for Cloud. She said a polite 'Have a nice day' noticing the suddenly clean floor as she left them to go into the back of the store.

Cloud looked at Zack and spoke, "Do you practice being gay or something? Your pretty good at it." Zack punched him in the gut.

Since the employee picked stuff out for them, they went up the register and dumped all the "junk" on the counter. Cloud nudged Zack and he turned around. Cloud jerked his chin at the Victoria's Secret cosmetics section.

They both walked over, leaving the register lady to ring up the gazillion items they were going to purchase. Cloud picked up some glittery silver eyeliner and took the plastic and cap off, something you weren't supposed to do, and quickly smeared it messily all over Zacks eyelids before he could object.

The man was first taken by suprise, but then he growled, baring his teeth.

"What did you just do." He ground out through his teeth. Cloud chuckled, Zack looked like a diva!

Cloud responded after his laughing died down. "Playing the part, remember? We haven't left the store yet!" Cloud chuckled again, "'For the sake of our straightness!"' He repeated the absurd thing Zack had said. Payback for making Cloud do all this in the first place.

He continued to open up more cosmetics and smear it all over Zacks face. Some shiny lipgloss on Zacks cheeks, and a tad bit of foundation on his chin, and some eyeshadow on Zacks lips. Cloud had no idea what the fuck he was doing, he'd only seen Tifa put on makeup once and she did something close to this. Or not.

Cloud finished with his human masterpiece and stepped back taking a look. Zack looked...Monstrous. He didn't tell him this though and tried his best to restrain a loud laugh from breaking out. Zack turned around and headed back for the counter where the lady was almost finsihed.

The lady looked up, completely bored with her job, and jumped at the sight of Zack, possibly making her job a bit more exciting. After all, it wasn't everyday you say a man with makeup smeared all over his face buying lingerie.

She started to say something, but couldn't get it out so she looked back down with wide eyes and continued to check in all the stuff. Zack was confused (He had a bad case of short term memory lose, hence forgetting the crap smeared all over his face) but brushed it off assuming she was stunned by his uber sexiness.

_**Sorry ladies, I'm gay for the day **_he thought, all high and mighty despite what he just thought.

Cloud made his way back over to Zack, just having grabbed anything from the little plastic containers of makeup and tossed them onto the counter.

"This too, please!" Cloud chirped trying to sound peppy. He wanted to punch himself. He nudged Zack again and whispered, "This is so going to get us brownie points with Tifa and Aerith!" Zack high fived him for the idea. **_They never told them to buy makeup, it was a bonus! Leave it to Cloud to come up with a great idea! The girls so weren't going to expect this. _**Zack thought.

Yup, just what Tifa and Aerith needed. About 13 tubes of the same exact lipgloss, an assortment of eyeliner, ugly eyeshadow shades and foundation atleast 4 shades too dark for Tifa and Aeriths complexion. Most of the stuff was half gone. The other half being on Zacks face.

* * *

><p>Back at 7th Heaven...<p>

* * *

><p>Tifa and Aerith were giving eachother mani pedi's when the front door slammed open, nearly denting from the force. They looked up from the hardwood floor they were sprawled on.<p>

"You better like the crap we got you." Zack spoke. He quickly walked to the staircase of the bar clutching the handles of the many pink striped bags, going up to his room. His shoulders were hunched, brow creased and a giant frown on his face. "I'll be in my room brooding. Don't bother me." Zack said without turning around. "Unless it's about dinner being ready." He added. Zack earned an A+ in making a dramatic entrance like a typical, hormonal, teenaged girl for the day.

Cloud followed in after him. "We're never going back in there." He too angrily stomped up to his room with about 27 little bags in his hands._** Why couldn't they make some bigger bags? These are too goddamn small!**_

Tifa and Aerith just followed them with their eyes, surprised at how fast everything just happened. Aerith turned to Tifa with wide, deer like eyes.

She spoke in a breathless voice,"Did Zack just have ma-?" Tifa cut her off.

"I..think so.." Her garnet eyes reflected the tone in her voice. Tifa shook it off as the two's regular antics.

"Just take Zacks whored-out face as an early girft for now." she said all in a deep sigh.

* * *

><p>I love Zack and Cloud in embarrassing situations xD Review and tell me what you thought please! Not sure when the next chapter will be up, maybe in the next week since my schedule's inda screwed up now. But Reviews will give me the drive and motivation to update earlier ;D<p>

~Sabby-Sama


	8. Groceries

Groceries

After being distracted by the light that would flicker on everytime he opened the fridge and trying to figure out how it worked, Zack remembered why he walked into the kitchen and over to the fridge in the first place.

It was lunchtime. AND HE WAS DYING FROM STARVATION.

He opened a draw where the sandwich meats were kept and stared at the empty drawer in disbelief, mouth gapped open.

He swore to Minerva that there had been extra slices of Chocobo's-Head brand oven roasted turkey meat left in there from the last time he made a sandwich. He knew he didn't eat all the turkey, with every fiber of his being.

There was only one other person that lived in Seventh Heaven that liked turkey.

And that person was a certain blonde named Cloud Strife.

Instead of confronting the gormandizing blonde for eating the turkey that should have been his sandwich, which should have been consumed and already residing in his tummy, he went to the next best person. Tifa.

He sulked around the corner to Tifa's home within her home. Behind the bar counter.

"TIIIIIFA." Zack whined. The curvy woman turned her attention from a very drunk customer to Zack with a raised eyebrow, only guessing what he could have been complaining about now.

With sagged shoulders and a kicked-puppy expression-and a starving puppy at that-Tifa's heart almost broke. ALMOST, and that was a far almost.

"Your man ate all my turkey and now I can't make a sandwich to feed my empty belly. Then I'm going to die and Cloud will get arrested for man slaughter leaving you all sad and lonely. LOOK!" Zack said to her while pulling up his black shirt to show his still obviously toned stomach even after trying to suck it in to show exposed ribs, exaggerating his statement.

Tifa rolled her garnet colored eyes. "Fix it!" Zack pressed on once again whining and whimpering.

"Zack just go get something else to ea-OH!." Tifa stopped mid sentence, her eyes brightening at remembering something. Zack was confused. As always.

"That reminds me!" Tifa spoke,"I needed to do groceries sometime this week."

At Zack's, 'Yeah, so?' look, she explained. "The bar is PACKED this afternoon so I can't go with Aerith, since she has flower orders to fill." She looked at Zack suggestively. Zack got the clue.

"No, I can't! And I won't!" He declared. Tifa put her hands together in a pleading way.

"Oh come on, please Zack?," She asked nicely. Zack still wasn't convinced. "Either you go with Cloud to the grocery store and buy your turkey or you starve." She said a little more forcefully and blunt. The raven haired man sighed in defeat, releasing his hold on his shirt which was held up throughout the whole argument.

Tifa smiled and thanked Zack. She grabbed him by the forearm and lead him back to the empty fridge and ripped a paper off a memo pad that was stuck to the side of it and handed it to Zack.

He read the heading of the pink and flowery paper: Grocery List

He shrugged and quickly scanned over the approximately dozen items, not entirely reading what was written on it. This should be easy.

With another 'thanks' from Tifa, Zack left to go find Cloud who was out back in the garage attached to the back of the home. Cloud was crouched next to a newly fixed Fenrir, tightning some parts with a wrench.

"Hey, fat-so!" Zack called, walking deeper into the garage and to stand near Cloud. Cloud raised his eyebrow at the new nickname. Seeing Zack coming closer, he held the wrench like a weapon to fend him off.

"Whoa, whoa! Ok, I won't call you fat-so anymore, my goodness!" Zack said eyeing the deadly wrench the blonde was wielding from his odd crouching position. Cloud faintly reminded him of Smeagol from Lord of the Rings. But a more crazed version with the wrench that could pound the ravenette to death.

"Stay away from Fenrir, Zack!" Cloud warned. Ever since the whole 'dismantling Fenrir' mishap, Cloud made sure to never have Zack come close to his beloved baby ever again. Zack chuckled realizing that was the reason for the odd behaviour.

Zack flicked the list in his hand, drawing the blondes attention to it. "Since you ate all my turkey, Teef's is sending us out to get some more along with other stuff."

"Your name wasn't on it." Cloud said childishly. Zack, wanting to avoid getting into a bitch-fight with Cloud over the damn turkey, wanted to leave the bar A.S.A.P to get the grocery's and make some food. His stomach growled feircely as a friendly reminder.

"Yeah, ok whatever. We still have to get the supplies that sustains our lives. Get Tifa's car key's. You'r driving since I'm too weak and frail thanks to starvation." Zack said impatiently. He opened the garage door while Cloud got the keys hanging from a hook on the wall and unlocked the car's doors.

Key in the ignition, and Cloud and Zack sitting in their rightful seats, they set off to their mission to the super market.

* * *

><p>Pulling into the parking lot and getting a spot as close to the entrance as possible, the mission began. Cloud ordered Zack to get a carriage while he was getting some fruit that was written on the list in his hands at the fruit's section near the entrance.<p>

Cloud was about to daintily pluck a perfectly ripe and juicy looking tangerine from the bottom row home of the citrus fruits' when a loud screech and car sound effects started to hurtle toward him. It broke Cloud's concentration and made him jump making him abruptly yank the tangerine out of the pile, upsetting the perfect pyramid thus making all the fruit tumble to the floor.

"Like my wheels?" A familar voice shouted. Cloud turned around slowly, his whole body clenched in anger and shoes now covered in fresh tangerine pulp.

Behind him, with a goofy grin, was Zack. Both his feet were on the bottom rail of the carriage, where you were supposed to stand, and was bent over the handle bars. No doubt that he wasn't walking the carriage like a normal civilian, no. He probably scooted around everywhere at an unstoppable speed to get there.

There was also a problem with the carriage.

It was the kiddie carriage, the type with a car attached to the front. The type that you get when you have demon-seed children that wanted to ride around everywhere inside of it, adding extra weight to the carriage that would break your back from lugging it.

Yes, it was that kind. The car attachmet of the carriage where said demon-seed children would ride in wasn't the regular looking car. It was the girly butterfly patterned car kind.

_Deep breaths, Cloud, deep breaths._ The blonde thought to himself while staring coldly at the doofus who still had that grin on his face.

Instead of resulting to physical violence with his fist's, he opted to kicking a tangerine aiming for Zack's crotch.

Zack dodged it easily while still perched on his carriage. He chuckled.

The fiery blonde got even more heated with his friends annoying laughter. Cloud pushed him off the carriage, Zack toppling into the nearby florist's pretty table of petunia flower arrangmenets. Swiping all the pots off the table while swinging his arms wildly trying to regain his balance in the process- the pots fell to the now earth covered tile with a wilting crack and shattered.

Taking advantage of Zack's momentarily dazed state, Cloud gripped the bars and barreled down the aisle with his manly carriage trying to get away from Zack. Atleast he was able to get the fruits and veggies before Zack stepped in to make a fool of himself.

Shaking his head in a way that would give him whiplash and worsen his state, Zack cleared his mind and jumped up. Realizing the pimple-faced teenaged employee glumly walking his way with a mop-shaggy haired head drooped-, Zack couldn't help but feel guilty. But that didn't mean he would stick behind to take the blame. He hurried off after the blonde retreating around a bend.

Not even 20 minutes into the errand they already were causing mayhem, destruction, and might possibly want to make a teen quit their minimum wage job.

Jogging up to Cloud and slowling to a brisk pace to match the still pissed off blonde's, Cloud spoke stiffly to Zack. "Tifa has Jumbo Shrimp on her list."

"Oh, I love shrimp!" Zack giddily replied and clapped. "I'll go get it for you!"

Cloud shouted after the masculine frame happily skipping-jumping away to the frozen seafood aisle,"Remember, JUMBO shrimp, ok?"

Zack threw his arm up and gave Cloud a thumbs up in understandment.

Throwing open the freezer door covered in a sheen of ice, Zack couldn't help but stare in awe at it's contents, not minding the sudden chilly air gushing in his face. He couldn't help but think of NARNIA of all things when looking into the freezer.

Rubbing his chin, he decided to pick the most eye catching (colorful) bag of Jumbo Shrimp he could find. Which also happened to be the most expensive.

Returning to Cloud who was picking out spices from a nearby rack in the aisle not to far away, the murky tank filled with lobsters caught Zack's Mako blue eyes.

"Hey, CLOUDY!" He shouted to the blonde about 25 feet away while waving his hand quite recklessly with the bag of shrimp to catch his attention. At his voice, Cloud almost crushed the innocent bottle of garlic flakes in his hand in annoyment. With gritted teeth he slowly turned noticing some bystanders watching.

"For a hundred Gil, wouldya pull down your pants and stick your ass in the tank of lobsters over there?" Zack jabbed a thumb at the tank with the lobsters who looked bored with their fishy lives as they crawled around slowly on the bottom of it.

At the swear word Zack shouted, some nearby mothers covered their childrens young ears. The garlic seasoning bottle was crushed and was deposited on the floor. Stomping over with the butterfly carriage being pushed in front of him-face red with fury or embarrasment, Zack couldn't tell-, Cloud was a funny sight even though he looked like he wanted to murder the ravenette creativly by using the bag of shrimp in his victims hands.

"Ow ow ow. OWWW!", came from the raven haired man when Cloud reached for his ear and started to yank on it, dragging him along to avoid anymore embarrasment, and hopefully shape him up to be a better behaved child than the toddler currently crying and throwing a fit in aisle 5 wanting his mother to buy him Poptarts.

After letting go and ordering Zack to stay by his side, Zack spoke,"Jeesh, Cloudy, why do you hurt me so?"

"Dont call me that." He said rashly. Zack whistled while nursing his swelling red ear with the frozen shrimp.

"PMS Alert." This earned him a punch in the gut by Cloud.

Getting some other items requested on the list, Cloud finally gave up in refusing Zacks constant begging and pleading and foot-stomping to allow him to wheel the cart around for awhile.

Bad idea.

**Bada-rump!**

"Zack.." Came the first warning from Cloud.

"Well, sooorry, walk faster!"

**SHIIIIEK!**

"Oops, sorry ma'am..." Zack sheepishly said after colliding head-on with another woman's carriage. He swerved the carriage.

**Clunkclunkclunk.**

"Damn tissues don't belong on a shelf out in the open!"

**Bada-rump!**

"STOP RUNNING OVER THE BACK OF MY FEET, ZACK!"

"YOU'RE JUST TOO SHORT, I CAN'T SEE. GOSH."

Wheeling around to attempt grabbing onto the cart and stop Zack from running into shelfs, other civilians, and over his poor bruised and possibly bleeding heels, Zack ran over his toes.

"Holy fucking shit, ZACK!" The blonde screeched while jumping up and down on one foot caressing is shattered beyond repair toes on the other. Some gasps left the mouths of other women-and one man, at the foul language in public.

"I like it when you shout my name." the man with the name thats been shouted atleast 82 times cooly replied with a smirk.

It was official, he was never again running errands with Zack.

Taking control of the carriage, Cloud just sighed and started to limp. Not being able to walk properly created a unique patern;

Hobble, stop. Push cart. Hobble, stop. Push cart. Hobble, VEAR TO AIM AT ZACK'S TOES FOR REVENGE, stop and wallow in not succeeding.

After a minute or two in a peacful silence that was antics-free, Cloud spoke. "Just... go get some sliced bread, ok Zack?" Zack nodded wildly at the joy of being given a privlege of scampering off again to retrieve items like a child would for their mother.

Wait, Cloud being his MALE mom would just be odd. Even if Cloud was somehow female it still would be awkward, period.

At the bread aisle.

Not being told what kind of bread to get, Zack contemplated all his options.

Wheat, honey nut, white, WHOLE wheat, 7 grains, 50% more fiber, potato, sourdough...

Ah, what the hell.

Stetching his arms widely, he hugged the bread on the shelves and lifted them, no doubt crushing the fragile slices in the process, and waddled back to the carriage.

"Hey, I wasn't sure what kind to get so I just brought a whole bunch." Zack dumped them in the carriage. "Atleast we have a variety, right?"

Looking down at the filled-to-the-brim carriage of squished bread, Cloud blinked. And then exploded.

"ZACK, YOU GET THE KIND WE USUALY HAVE BACK AT THE BAR."

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHAT KINDA OF BREAD IT IS?" Zack shouted back trying to defend himself at the sudden outburst.

"BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY EAT IT!"

"YEAH, BUT MY TASTE BUDS AREN'T MAGICAL,-WIZARD HATS AND BEARDS INCLUDED- TO KNOW WHAT KIND IT IS!"

"THE NAME OF IT IS ON THE PACKAGING!"

"LIKE I STUDY THE PACKAGING?"

Curling his fingers in a mime-ish way that looked like he was trying to strangle Zack, he ended the argument (That was collecting interested stares and worried glances) with a simple, "Gaah! You're unbelievable!"

Rubbing a hand through his black spikes, Zack blew out air from his cheeks. He leaned over Cloud's shoulder to glance at the list he was occupying himself with to avoid looking at Zack.

"Sooo... Can I get the eggs?" Zack asked calmly while tapping the list.

"Yes, please. Go far, far away and get the eggs. Get out of my hair for TWO MINTUES-and get the eggs. It should be simple enough, there's only one type of egg." Cloud's strained patience tone was border-line 'on the verge of a mental breakdown'. This sent off warning bells in Zack's brain. It would be best to frolick away quietly and get the eggs.

Returning from the section with the eggs-previously leaving a very stressed blonde behind to do whatever it was blondes did, (In Cloud's case it would be to sniff a mini vanilla scented tealight candle he always kept in his pocket because he claimed it calmed him in tough times)- something startlingly colorful cought his eye.

Snowballs. Those sweet gooey balls of pink coconut dusted evil. Those addicting bitches were so damn delicious and the appearance was so damn tempting. Which is what earned them Number 1 on Zack's enemy list, swiping first place from right under Angeal's creepy Christmas sweater's, coming in 2nd.

There had been a time where Zack had been hooked on the deadly carb and sugar filled, heart attack inducing lard balls.

Zack had gained eight pounds that week, making his bicep muscles saggy and flabby looking(to him, anyways).

**_Turn the other cheek, Zack. It's not worth it. Especially if that cheek gets saggy too._** A little voice in the back of his head told him. Zack frowned and reached to pat his butt cheek checking for firmness.

_**That's right. Don't want your sexy bod to get out of shape, right?**_ Zack bit a side of his bottom lip thoughtfully and shook his head.

_But...One won't hurt either though. I'll just do some squats after._ He argued back with himself.

_**True. But we both know how lazy you are.**_ Zack pondered this, then frowned.

_Hey, it's none of your buisness! Now go away!_ Zack mentally pushed his conscience away.

Salivating terribly, he greedily snatched as many Snowballs as he could and balanced them in a pile on top of the carton of eggs he held with both hands on each end.

He just succumbed to the most evil invention of mankind.

"Oh gods, what does he have now?" Cloud muttered to himself at he saw Zack coming his way.

As if somehow hearing him, Zack carefully lifted the egg carton, snowballs wobbling on top, and beamed. "Snowballs!"

Cloud covered his face with his hands, elbows resting on the bars of the carriage. He was NOT going through the same drama as last time. He had to endure Zack moping around about a 'spontaneous' weight gain that wasn't spontaneous at all.

Cloud shrugged. He actually didn't care anymore. Zack getting some squishy fat on him would be an excellent punishment.

He motioned for the carriage and Zack dropped the carton of eggs in it, while carefully placing and arranging his junk food in a secluded spot isolated from the other items to prevent being smothered.

Without any other words between them, thankfully, they made their way to the Deli to get some more turkey and other various cold cuts and cheese's. Standing in what Cloud thought was the line, he realized people kept cutting him and made their way to the front and started to give their orders to the worker. He turned to Zack and the man shared the same lost look.

As a woman who looked to be in her mid-seventies cut them, Zack spoke up and put an arm in front of her chest that was dragging along with her slipper-clad feet on the floor.

"Whoa, ma'am. This is Edge, and as a civilian of this city, I have rights. One those rights is to not be cut by an elderly woman." Zack paused to take a breath. Atleast Zack was kind of using his manners while somewhat aggresively updating the old woman on the memo. Zack wasn't done yet with his unneeded speech,"This is a supermarket, and in supermarkets, you wait in line like you did back in kindergarten."

The old woman was more surprised at where Zacks arm was positioned instead of his actual words.

Cloud noticed the startled wide eyed look the lady was giving Zack's arm. Instead of whaming Zack into next 'senior's eat half off' night at the diner nearby with her purse that was no doubt filled with denture shattering hard candies, the crusty old crone BLUSHED.

She looked up and gazed into Zack's electric blue eyes.

"Oh, um, r-right. Sorry about that..." She stuttered out in a croak and skurried off still blashing madly.

Cloud just face-palmed. Zack was pleased that the lady backed off and not picking up on surprise.

"Next?" the employee asked. Zack rushed forward and rattled off what was written on the list.

The aisle that challenges every man's courage, strength, and love for their girlfriends/wives.

The feminine needs aisle.

Zack gawked down at the aisle, shelves packed with. . . ITEMS. He then looked back down to Tifa's print on the list and rubbed his eyes hoping he wasn't seeing what he was.

"Err, Cloud do we have to-?"

"No, Zack. We do not and never will."

"Phew, good." They both walked away with stunned expressions.

-A dozen items later -

"Damn it, Zack. Why did you have to get this gay carriage? It doesn't have room for jack crap!" Cloud complained while trudging behind a heavy carriage.

Blue eyes rolled,"Fine, I'll just get one of those basket things."

Treking down an aisle to get some toilet paper, and lots of it, Zack returned shortly after. And he definetly made an entrance.

With his jacket off his body, the hood part of it resting on his spikes, he skipped hazardly towards Cloud while shouting, "Guess who I am!" and swung the basket whose handles were rested in the crook of his elbow.

"I don't care, help me reach the toilet paper up there." Cloud turned away and pointed to a high shelf.

Zack pouted and answered for him. "Little red riding hood, jerk!" But he still went to reach for Zacks requested items.

The hilt of his sword got stuck under the shelf's downward sloping edge. "Freaking...shelves!" He grunted while trying to jerk his shoulder in order to get free.

Popping out of the shelf's vice grip, he got the individual toilet paper rolls and chucked them at Cloud face, which was looking the other way.

"Think fast Cloudy!" The first roll pounced softly on Clouds face and he reacted with a startled jump. He looked at Zack with a deadpanned expression.

"You do realize you'll need to come over here and pick that up since I obviously have no room in the cart, right?"

"Oh..." Zack meekly rubbed the back of his head and chuckled softly.

Good thing Tifa gave them her credit card along with the rght amount of money that should have been needed. Adding a couple of extra things that weren't on the list really added up.

When Cloud whipped out the little lilac clutch Tifa had handed them with the money, and millions of coupons out, Zack started to protest.

"Nuh-uh, man. Put that away. It's not cool to be using coupons openly in a place like this, out in public!"

Cloud just tuned him out as he handed the rubberband bound coupon's over to the lady at the cash register who had a raised eyebrow.

Items bagged and sitting in the cart, the duo walked out of the grocery store.

"Let me ride in the cart, man."

Cloud looked at him sideways with a narrowed glare.

"No." Cloud said bluntly.

"And why not?" Zack pressed.

Cloud snorted,"This carriage already weighs a ton, adding you would be the death of my arms."

"Hey, i'm not that heavy! Besides, I've been good, right? That's the only reason why I got this carriage cuz I wanted to ride in it. I never rode in a shopping cart before even as a kid."

At his sincere tone, Cloud caved and gestured to the front of the cart. Zack whooped.

"I feel so alive!" Zack cheered from his cramped position in the butterfly/car portion as Cloud slowly pushed the cart, struggling with the extra weight. Zack started to wriggle around roughly.

"It's kinda cramped tho- OUCH!"

All his violent squirming caused the cart to tip over to it's side, painfuly abrupt. Right in the middle of the parking lot.

Not being taken down with the cart, Cloud was still standing. He watched his tangerines roll slowly out of the bag that was knocked out of the cart (along with all the others) and complete a maze around the other scattered groceries.

* * *

><p>I now it's been awhile (Thus the length of this new chapter), but blame this new chapter, it was so hard to write! I don't know why though, but it took me a good 10+ spread evenly throught a couple of days (And not to mention 4 hours straight just today). Sooooo here you have it, the next chapter! Kinda running low on idea's now, so if you want to see this live on write a review with any thoughts and idea's you have! ;D<p>

See ya soon!

~Sabby-Sama


	9. Fun in the Sun Part one

Fun in the Sun: Part 1

A sigh."I miss my couch." Cloud said as he dragged a heavy red cooler in one hand and a couple of fold out chairs in the other.

Zack stopped cold and stared at him in bewilderment, also carrying various items. "Dude, are you crazy? We get to see our girls in bikini's!" Cloud rolled his eyes.

Aerith, who was walking behind them slapped him in the shoulder "Your such a pervert, Zack." she said teasingly. He grinned and bent down to kiss her on top of her bangs.

Also joining the party was Tifa who jogged up to the trio having come back from parking the car. "That's why I love my Cloud, he's not going to be a gross pervy sicko when he grows old, am I right Cloud?" The blonde chuckled and nodded in agreement. Tifa struggled to hug him around his chest while he carried the objects.

It was a hot and humid day hovering near the hundred's, but not quite so. The sun was blazing tauntingly and the skies were a crystal blue, matching perfectly with the ocean that glimmered like sapphires just up ahead of the group.

Every once and a while the four of them would arrange a one day trip to Costa Del Sol to catch a wave or two while soaking up some sun. Or, more accuratley, catch a glimpse at Aerith and Tifa's bodies.

Being the first to step on the white sands of the beach, Zack jumped and alarmed the rest of the group. "Ooo! Ah, h-hot!" he yelled as his the skin on his feet (which were not wearing sandals, he walked barefoot from the car to the beach. Why? It remains a mystery) practically oozed off the bone beacause of the skillet-like heat the sand generated from the sun.

Now, mind you, he was walking barefoot on scorching pavement earlier that was hotter than the sand while in the parking lot. Zack's just strange like that to react now..

Doing a little dance, he skiddley-dooed further down onto the beach while flailing his arms around and swinging the beach utilities madly, accidently hitting himself occasionaly. About midway he threw a towel that was in his hands at the sand and bent down at the waist while hopping from foot to foot as he carefully unrolled the beach towel.

Behind him, his friends were laughing at how stupid he looked as he plopped down on the towel and crossed his legs, bringing up a foot to blow air on it. Aerith held up Zack's sandals (which he had her carry during the car ride. His foot odor almost killed everyone and in turn would make Tifa swerve off the highway and into a ditch.) and waved it around making them laugh even more. Zack turned to face them and frowned while blowing more air on his feet.

"You guys are so mean!" He whined as the others joined him. Cloud shrugged and opened up the top of the cooler and pulled an ice cold beer out. He popped the cap and took a gulp.

"Oh, Zack! I forgot to have carry something else from the car. Can you do me a favour and go get it, please?" Aerith asked nicely, her soft green eyes giving Zack the look he'd be willing to do anything for. Even shave his head bald if that made her happy.

Taking a sip from his own beverage, Zack smirked playfully. "Do I get a kiss in return for completing this deed, fair maiden?"

Aerith giggled and tapped his nose. "Hmm, maybe." Zack beamed and nodded. After being told what to get, he got up and ran over the sand and out into the beach's parking lot just a little ways off. Cloud watched in amusment as Zack did his little hot-sand dance again, not learning his lesson the first time and leaving his shoes behind on the towel with him, previously right in front of his face.

"How do you deal with him?" Tifa asked Aerith and shook her head. Aerith just smiled as she watched Zack's retreating wiggling butt.

A couple more sips of refreshments, and some chattering later Zack returned with Aerith's requested item (that looked pretty heavy) not to with wide eyes and bubbling beet colored feet.

"What's the matter, did a pissed of Genesis chase you back here or something? Cloud asked with a raised eyebrow and tried to peer around Zacks body. It wouldn't have been the first time he's seen Zack like this after offending Genesis about LOVELESS.

"Well, first off, I came here to relax, not CARRY FURNITURE!" Zack explained while dropping a lawn chair that looked thrice the weight of the others Cloud was carrying before combined. He continued to complain,"Not to mention on .SAND." He lifted a foot and pointed to it angrily for emphasis and then dropped it back on the soft towel carefully.

"Your shoes _were_ right over here." Tifa said while picking up the sandals trying to hold back a laugh at Zack's emotion-muddled face. Zack ignored her to continue his exaggerated ranting.

"And as I was walking on the hot coal's of death, I kept having this feeling that a creepy monk would pop out of no where and say, 'concentrate, my son.' while I was hopping on the sand!" Zack mimicked the imaginary monk's accent.

Zack was saying the honest truth, not even trying to entertain anyone like he usually did. Which led him to be angry as his friend's, and girlfriend, mocked him.

Wiping tears away from her eyes, Aerith asked,"So will that kiss make it all better?" At the enthusiastic nod, she deadpanned sweetly,"Well too bad. You threw my chair on the ground and it got dented, mister." defeated, he plopped down next to the shared towel with Cloud.

Nearby, a couple of girls were setting up a volleyball net and started to play. And that meant they were prancing and jumping around to spike the ball. In nothing but their bikini's. So naturally, no matter how committed to boys were to Tifa and Aerith, they couldn't help but have their eyes stray and then flicker back to Tifa and Aerith as to not get caught in the act.

...They failed.

"Hey!" Tifa snapped while clapping her hands to get Zack and Cloud's attention. "No checking out girls, we're right here you know!"

"Yeah!" the flower girl agreed,"Unless they're us!"

Zack raised an eyebrow,"But you said not to because it's perverted."

"You did say that." Cloud said.

Tifa stuttered obviously jealous, "W-well yes, but we're your girlfriends!"

Ignoring Tifa, Cloud continued,"So instead of checking out other chicks you want us to check out guys, is what your saying?" Before either of the girls could respond, Zack stepped in, picking up Clouds thought process.

"I think that's exactly what their saying. And not that we don't have experience at that either, right Cloud?" Zack spoke the last sentence with his fake high pitched voice, referring to the time him and Cloud played Gay.

"Right!" Cloud responded in the same voice. "Oh, Zack look at the hunk over there!" Cloud exclaimed while pointing in another direction. Zack covered his mouth and gasped in a mocking way.

Tifa and Aerith's mouth were resembling the fish out in the ocean in front of them, not knowing what to say or do at the suddeness the harmless event turned into.

"Hey, Cloudy, lets go build some sandcastles!" Zack said in a way that resembled a diva. Cloud shrugged. Both of them stood up, Cloud stripping off his clothes down to his swim trunks, while Zack hesitated.

Looking at Zack after taking off his shirt Cloud asked, "What's up?" Zack blushed slighly and pulled Cloud away from the others, closer to him, and whispered anxiously in his ear.

"Remember how we got those Snowballs? Well, I kinda...Ate them all. At once. And I don't want to look...mushy in front of Aerith." Zack mumbled softly. It took a while for Cloud to realize what he had said.

"Snowballs aren't going to make you fat instantly. Didn't you say you were going to work out afterwards too?" At the guilty look Zack gave at his slightly charred feet, the blonde knew the answer was 'hell no'.

Tapping his foot, arms crossed, Cloud just studied Zack impatiently. "Do you want to make sandcastles or not?"

"W-well, yeah, I want to-"

"Then take off your shirt! You can't go swimming in it either, you know." Zack was still not convinced. Cloud spoke a little louder and more forcefully.

"Do I have to undress you myself?" He said a little too loudly... He got some stunned and questioning stares from other beach bums, not to mention Tifa and Aerith. Cloud blushed madly and Zack smirked as he squirmed out of his shirt forgetting his earlier's embarrassment was convincing enough.

Turning back to the girls sitting on the towels who were still staring at them strangely, a bottle of water frozen at Tifa's lips, Zack shouted "Well, see ya later gurrrls." And waggled his fingers in a feminine way to match his voice. He grasped Clouds hand and they both skipped (Well, Zack was into the skipping, Cloud not so much. He was still embarrassed and was being dragged, stumbling occasionaly) off down closer to the edge of the water.

It was a good thing Aerith packed some sandcastle building supplies. She could predict Zack's future sudden urges of childish things as easily as Tifa could predict when Cloud was confussed just by hearing him call her from across the room. Zack dropped the bag filled with the items and crossed one foot over the other while still standing and plopped down, becoming an instant pretzel. A recent trick he learned from Marlene.

As Zack was excitedly unpacking the castle molds, shovels, and a little baggie of plastic green toy soldiers and chocobo's like a 4 year old would at the crack of dawn on Christmas day.

A tiny crab scuttled by near Cloud's hand which was laying flat on the sand.

Now, this little crab was camouflaged to match the tones of the sand. A good teqnique for hiding from terrifying predators. So usually the crab wouldn't have been spotted.

But that wasn't the case for Cloud. Either he had an excellent eye, or the camouflage didn't work on him.

After all, how was someone as adorable and innocent looking as Cloud-blue eyed with tufts of soft golden hair-be a terrifying predator?

Another valuable life lesson I will teach you today is that no matter what anyone says, 'They're more afraid of you than you are of them.' Is a complete, utter LIE.

Cloud shrieked and retracted his hand from the crab who was attempting to travel up the foreign mountains that were Cloud's fingers. He stared at the crab in horror.

Looking up from shoveling more sand on his foot than in the bucket in front of him, Zack saw the thing of the blonde's distress and let it crawl up on his hand.

"Aw, hey there buddy!" Zack cooed. Cloud stared at him like he was insane and that the crab would give him STD's.

Zack chuckled as the little crab in his hand squirmed in responce to Zack fawning over it. Bringing his face closer to his palm Zack spoke again. "What a cutie you are! You have some awesome legs, too." Zack prodded one of its back legs. It made the crab jump.

Zack 'ooh'-ed in awe and continued in poking its leg to make it jump.

"Uh, Zack, I wouldn't anger it if I were you-"

"Hear that, Fluffy? I don't think Cloud likes you very much." Zack leaned in a bit closer and began to whisper to it. "I think he's afraid of you~!" He said in a sing-song way.

Cloud face-palmed. He wasnt afraid of crabs. And Fluffy? He would have to re-schedule that appointment for Zack again...

With one hand, Zack pried Cloud's hand off his face and the ravenette thrust his other one in his face. Cloud yelped and scooted back, startled by the closeness of the demon-spawn and his face.

He saw his REFLECTION in the evil things black beady eyes.

Zack howled, almost dropping the crustacean from laughing so hard.

"Do you have a phobia of CRABS, Cloud?" Zack asked in disbelief. Cloud's face was definetly kodak moment-worthy.

"N-no. Squids scare me, not crabs." Cloud said, possibly giving away more information than necessary.

Letting the crab crawl from hand to hand, Zack grinned deviously. "Squid, you say?" He started to affectionatly pet the crab with his devious grin and narrowed eyebrows.

As Zack was looking like a creepier version of a mafia leader and his pet, Cloud started to mentally poke his eyes out.

**_How much stupider can I get? I can't believe I just told him that!_**

Doing what came naturally to him when he was nervous, Cloud started to ramble and rattle on about petty things hoping it would distract him and hopefully make him forget the blondes darkest secret.

"This sand is so amazing, an awesome light color, not like other crappy mud colored beach sand, eheheh... Oh! Look at the cloud! It kinda looks like a giraffe, without the neck, right? Oh and that..!"

Cloud stopped when he noticed Zack was peacefully building a sandcastle, completely oblivious to Cloud's mad scientist rantings. And that familiar prank-face was gone too. He seemed perfectly normal, like the whole conversation before was forgotten.

Cloud sighed in relief.

They were silently building a _sick_ kingdom of sand when Cloud jumped from an outburst from Zack.

"Gah! Ow! Fluffy! How could you? You betrayed my love and trust!" Cloud looked up in time to see Zack fling Fluffy through the air as he shook his hand angrily, looking like her was trying to cool it after burning himself. Fluffy started to scurry to the safety of the beach water.

"Nuh-uh, I don't think so!" Zack crawled to where the crab was just about to begin his sea voyage to freedom. Right when the crab was about the take it's first step into the sea, the ravenette plucked him back up, between forefinger and thumb. Cloud noticed a red welt on Zacks finger. Blood.

Cloud muffled a snicker. Zack got pinched!

Mid-snicker/cough, Zack pitched Fluffy in the half full bucket of sand and began to cover it with more of the white grains and pack it tightly and forcefully with some sea water. He flopped the castle-shaped bucket over, forming the perfect building, confining Fluffy inside.

"Ha, take that you bitch! You pinch Zack Fair, you get sent to a sandy lifetime of prison!" And with that, Zack slammed down a green toy soldier into the sande at the front of the castle, no doubt acting as a guard.

Cloud once again stared in horror. What Zack just did was so twisted!

"Now, If you may excuse me, I need to get a bandaid from Tifa." and with that Zack stomped off while sucking on his finger and grumbling something about extra Pokemon bandaids.

* * *

><p>Thanks so much to <strong><em><span>HazzaTL3<span>_** for this beachy prompt! So many idea's sprouted in my head when they gave me this prompt. So many, in fact, that i'm making this chapter into two parts! Yay! Stay tuned for part two, coming to a theater soon near you! (Sorry, I couldn't resist. The ryhming words just rolled off my finger tips xD) As always, leave a review to tell me what you thought of this chapter!

~Sabby-Sama


	10. Tidbits of Randomness 1

(**A/N:** Please read the extra Author's notes at the end of the story thoroughly)

~Tidbit's Of Randomness~

** #1**

* * *

><p>"Knock that off. You're gonna fall and get hurt." Cloud chided. Zack turned to stick out his tongue at the blonde.<p>

He continued to carefully walk along the curb, arms outstretched to balance himself as he wobbled, ignoring Cloud's advice.

Cloud closed his eyes and shook his head. With a sigh he opened them again to witness Zack's tight-rope walking actions fail as he teetered off the edge and plopped into a muddy puddle.

Cloud didn't break his pace walking on the sidewalk like a normal human being when passing Zack.

"H-Hey!" Zack shouted. The ravenette pulled himself to a crouching position, than carefully straightened himself being cautious to not put weight on the knee that just slammed into the wet pavement with a sickening thud.

He drew a sharp intake of breath through his teeth as pain surged in his knee and bolted up his thigh. "Ouch!"

Precariously standing mostly on one foot, Zack shook out his soggy and weighed down baggy cargo pants. He than proceeded to shake out his mop-top of hair.

Grumbling, he marched-hobbled back to Cloud, avoiding the curb. It was difficult to catch up at the speed he was going, but soon enough he was walking beside his blonde friend.

"Well don't you look lovely" Cloud said sarcastically with a tinge of humour while looking over Zack. The man was wet from head to toe, muddy sludge smeared randomley on his clothes, not to mention streaked on his face and in his hair.

Zack shook his head some more, flinging liquidy muck at Cloud. The blonde snorted at his half-hearted attempt.

"Why didn't you help me up? I thought we were bro's!" Zack cried feigning hurt. Cloud snickered and then spoke.

"First of all, according to Aerith we're more like an old married couple. Second, that's what happens when you don't listen to me. You're too stubborn!"

Zack was silenced.

It was currently around 10 o'clock at night and the two men were currently walking back to the bar. Edge was definetly the place to go to if you wanted to see the strangest things at night. Earlier, Zack had pointed out a stray man crossing the street with a three year old child dressed in a chocobo suit and wrapped in a blanket. At ten at night. Echoing Zacks words of, "That is definetly not normal."

Neither was the hobo lady with the clown-ish makeup tossing a pineapple up in the air while laughing like a duck. Yes, a _duck_.

Continuing on with their journey to their destination, an ominous truck started to rumble up beside them slowly.

Taking notice of this out of the corner of his eye, Cloud was on his toes and ready for anything to happen. It was common in Edge for people to pull up beside someone, mug them, and then speed off. Zack on the other hand was too occupied with stepping on as many cracks in the pavement as possible, playing a little game with himself.

Coming to halt at a corner, Cloud stopped. Zack ran into his back, his gaze being cast downwards. Over his shoulder, Cloud murmured to Zack," I think that truck is following us." He jerked his head subtly to the side indicating the vehicle. Face turning serious, Zack nodded. The last time Zack was walking alone in Edge at night, a bunch of middle school teens popped out from an alley to say hello and wedgied him.

Pausing briefly at the corner and praying that the truck would continue to pass on, Cloud started to sweat when instead, the passenger window slowly rolled down with a whur.

Frozen and hiding behind Cloud for safety, Zack saw the man at the passenger window come into view from behind the tinted glass.

The man smirked-seductively?- at the two and spoke softly, "Hey, ladies. Do you, uh...need a ride somewhere?" The driver of the truck was practically drooling over the other mans shoulder.

Zack and Cloud paled.

Stuttering in shock, Cloud squeaked out in a high voice "U-um, n-n-no we're fine. . ." not even bothering to correct the man the they were_ far_ from women and that they were misunderstanding.

With an 'oh' of dissapointment, the truck drove off.

Zack turned to face Cloud and they both shared the same selfconscious thought;

'Do we_ really_ look like hooker chicks?'

* * *

><p><strong>Clearing things up, this is NOT a continuation of the last chapter. I haven't even started writing the next chapter to be honest. So in the mean time I thought I'd right down this mini plot bunny thats been nagging at me for a while now as like a short to put randomley in between chapters. For now i'll be calling them 'Tidbits of Randomness' and will be numbered. I might do a couple more of these short moments because I personally think it's fun to do and a nice break in routine xD<strong>

**So what do you guys think? Like it? Should I do more Tidbits of Randomness? Review to tell me what you think and I promise I'll get back to Fun in the Sun part 2! xD**


	11. Fun in the Sun Part 2

Fun in the Sun part 2

Abandoning the sandcastle's following Zack's hissy fit, Cloud went back to where Tifa and Aerith were sunbathing

Squinting his eyes in the sun, he swiveled his head around, searching for his raven haired friend.

Fearing the worst, he asked suspiciously, "Tifa? Where's Zack?"

The girls were stretched out on the chairs tanning. Turning their heads to face him, stopping short of their giggle filled conversation to see Cloud with a worried expression.

Normally, Cloud would have halted dead in his tracks and gawked at Tifa wearing nothing but a fluorescent pink bikini, her already slightly tanned skin shimmering from the tanning oil.

Aerith spoke nonchalantly, "He said something about a bandaid for a 'war wound', flipped out when we didn't have any and he took the car keys to go to the drug store and get a box."

That calmed Cloud down and with a worry-free 'oh' he sat down under the umbrella away from the sun and cracked open the cooler.

"Do we still have some sandwhich's left?" Cloud inquired while roughly shaking the cooler with both hands to shift things out of the way.

Stopping his cooler-quake, Tifa scolded him. "Don't shake that, Cloud! The beer bottles will shatter like that and the food will get squished." Cloud mockingly mouthed out her words as she spoke leading Tifa to bop him on the head lightly and smiled.

Pulling the cooler closer to her she pulled out a plastic baggy and handed it to Cloud, "Here. Turkey." she also tossed him a snack sized bag of chips.

"There's an extra turkey sandwhich in there, right?" Cloud asked warily while eyeing the cooler. Zack would definetly kill him if he ate the only turkey sandwhich. He learned from that mistake already. Tifa laughed loudly while Aerith was confused, not knowing what they were talking about.

"Don't worry, got it covered." Cloud sighed in relief and took a chunk out of his sandwhich ravenously. You can always count on Tifa. "Actually, I made three extra sandwhich's specially reserved for him." Tifa added with a slight chuckle, still talking about Zack. It was Aerith's turn to laugh out loudly. Whenever Aerith invited her boyfriend over to her house and cooked for him, it was like cooking for an army of starved BAHAMUT'S! She swore, that man had a tape worm inside of him!

Shortly after Cloud ate his food, Aerith and Tifa did the same once their now tanned stomachs started to growl.

Still no sign of Zack.

"Are you sure Zack didn't drive all the way back to Edge just to abandon us here? He's been gone for a while." the blonde nervously said while scratching his temple. Aerith just rolled her eyes good-naturely

"Cloud" she spoke comfortingly,"don't worry about it. Gosh, I'M his girlfriend and i'm not even all that worried! Unless. . .there's something important you need to tell me and Tifa." She raised her eyebrow questioningly at Cloud. Tifa mimicked her expression, but with a smug grin thrown in. Cloud's mouth hung agape at what Aerith was inferring.

"Wh-what? You're sick for thinking like that!" Cloud screeched in protest. Aerith just winked at him and the girls broke out in giggles.

"Oh? You think that's funny Tifa?" Cloud said with a smirk as he saw her hunched over laughing. He went after her and chased her into the ocean.

"Hey, wait up! You can't forget me!" And with that Aerith fled to the sea to help Tifa from losing in a splash-fight.

* * *

><p>Slamming the car door forcefully-the lingering remnants of his earlier agitation- Zack stalked down to the sandy beach, with a little something something in his now crudely-and overly dramatic-bandaged hand for Cloud.<p>

Zack smirked deviously. **_Oh yes, Cloud. I'm after you._** Zack squeezed the 'gift' for Cloud in his hand.

Before proceeding on with his plan, Zack fueled up with a sandwhich that Tifa thoughtfully left out and on top of the coolers lid, thinking he would come back soon, before running into the ocean.

He still had other buisness to take care of before Cloud became his victim.

Chomping forcefully on the bits and pieces of sandwich in his mouth, he began to scare and chase away a couple of stray seagulls dilly-dally-ing around on the sand. This was done by moo-ing and frog-hopping at the innocent birds.

All pumped up and ready to go, Zack sprinted into the ocean with a yell reminicent of, 'This is SPARTA!'

* * *

><p>Wading into the now waist deep water, Zack went on down his knee's and started to creep up behind the three bodies in the water that were facing the other way. All was silent, as if others on the beach were holding their breaths waiting for the totally epic Zack-Attack. Even the waters around him were now calm compared to their earlier crashing waves<p>

The salty water got deeper, and the crystal blue of the water got slightly darker. Slithering like one of the swimming snakes him and Cloud saw a show about one lazy weekend on Animal Planet, with his head slightly ducked, water coming up to his lips, he started to near his blonde target. He began to hum the Jaws theme mentally.

The appearingly ignorant, happy-go-lucky blonde was having the time of his life without Zack there. _Or so he thought._ Cloud threaded his fingers on the water's surface and flung trickles of water up into the sky while laughing and doing his best at twirling while keeping afloat.

Zack smirked. Easy target.

All too suddenly and overcome with the taste of excitement, Zack lurched forward making a loud splash. He froze as he saw Cloud's shoulders stiffen. A nano-second before Cloud whipped around to investigate the sound, fright quickly etching his features, Zack took a breath and ducked down under the water, making sure to completely submurge his spikes.

"Cloud? You look like you saw a ghost." Zack faintly heard Tifa's voice.

Aerith's higher pitched, but still muffled voice came next,"Yeah, what's wrong?"

Zack had to strain his ears under the water to hear Cloud's soft, distressed whisper. "I-I don't know! I think there's a shark in here!"

Zack opened his eyes slowly underwater and blinked a couple of times. He was close enough to see the pale outline of Cloud's frantically kicking legs as he treaded water. Quickly, but carefully, Zack swam towards it.

If he weren't under water he would have been chuckling at how evil he was.

Reaching out with his hand, he brushed a trail from Cloud's toes to mid-calf with his fingers.

Darting away, Zack got behind a nearby rock, emerged from the water and peeked around it to watch.

Cloud went _BERSERK._

The blonde was thrashing around madly. "TIFA! TIFA! IT WAS THE SHARK! IT FELT ME UP!" Zack snickered quietly at the blondes choice of words.

Tifa and Aerith, who were astounded and lost at the same time because of the sudden outburst just stared at Cloud like he was crazy.

"Cloud. . ." Tifa said slowly as if she were talking to a mental institution patient who just snapped, "There's no sharks. Trust me." Aerith nodded and rubbed the blonde's back soothingly.

"A-are you s-s-sure?" Cloud asked shakily. Tifa nodded with a sincere look in her dark brown-garnet eyes.

Believing in her, he settled down and swam next to Tifa to be closer. If there WAS a shark, Tifa would roundhouse kick it before it turned Cloud into Blonde a'La Filett. Either that or simply throw Tifa in front of him and swim as fast as his short legs could carry him. Whichever the situation called for.

Being patient and waiting for the dorky blonde to continue his splashing around like a child, Zack started to approach him again, extra slowly.

At a suitable distance, Zack brought his right hand out of the water, carrying The Object.

Cocking his arm back in a ready-to-throw position, Zack called out, "HEY, CLOUD!"

As soon as the blonde turned to face whoever it was calling out his name with a clueless, "Huh?" Zack launched the item out of his hand. The thing flew in the air. As it got closer, and closer to hitting Cloud, the blondes face started to slowly contort to horror. And ten feet of flying through the air later, it smacked Cloud squarely in the face.

The blonde froze, as did the ravenette. Why wasn't he freaking out? That was the whole point!

Slowly coming back to life, Cloud really started to freak. He let loose a blood curdling scream that sounded right out of the movies. It alerted lifeguards all the way out on the shore.

As the scream ended, he started to shout panickly, "SQUID! SQUID!"

**_Bingo._** Just the reaction he was looking for.

While Zack was at the drugstore looking for a box of bandaids and other supplies that a hospital would have and use on patients with amputated limbs, he had a feeling in his gut that he was being _called_. The _call_ directed him to the mini toy aisle that the store had.

Once he saw the little purple and green plastic toy squid with the dopey face-tenticles and all- Zack instantly knew the meaning of life.

Grinning mischeviously, he snatched the rubbery childrens toy off the shelf and sprinted to the check out.

Wildly thrashing throughout the water, Cloud made a bee-line for the shore while continually chanting "Squid! Squid!"  
>Tifa an Aerith, who were also frozen stffl until that point in time turned in the direction the squid flew from. They noticed Zack for the first time.<p>

With the furious glare he recieved from Tifa, he broke the number one rule of the beach, and peed in the water.

* * *

><p><strong>Here it is! The second and final part of Fun in the Sun! I'd like to thank <strong>_HazzaTLC3_** again for the beach prompt!**

**What'd you guys think, YAY! or nay? Tell me in a review! You know how I love them and they encourage me to write faster!**

**I'm planning to do another Tidbits of Randomness (ToR) after this chapter. If you plays your cards, (and reviews) right, it'll be up someime later tomorrow ;D**

**TA TA FOR NOW!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	12. Illness

Illness

Pressing his face up to the glass, smushing his Rudolph red and runny nose, including his chapped lips against it, he breathed out a rough, phlegmy breath.

His eyes went wide in awe from staring at the contents of the glass dome. The heat from exhaling out of his mouth (for his nose was too stuffy to breath through) had caused a spot on the crystal clear glass fog up with his germs.

No, he wasn't admiring over-the-top-sparkly-harbingers-of-blindness- diamonds at a sophisticated, highclass jewelry store that were sitting in a glass case that was getting the Zack Germs And Boogers Treatment.

Instead, Zack was staring almost lovingly at something far better, definetly a lot more priceless, and out-of-this-Planet-delicious than those shiny rocks.

Zack Fair was in a frozen yogurt shop, and he was sick.

He woke up that morning with a flu, and a horrible case of it too. But of course, we all know how much Zack loves to exaggerate.

* * *

><p>"Cl-Cloud. . .?" Zack had murmured weakly upon waking up and trying to sit up in bed. He started to hack up his lungs, not even bothering to cover his mouth.<p>

Cloud, who was pulling out a shirt from his wardrobe in he and Zack's shared room, looked over his shoulder with a raised eyebrow. It was around noon, and Zack was NOT the type to sleep in. It was the ravenettes mission in life to wake up uber early and accidently wake everyone in the household while he tried to sneak around stealthily and make breakfast. Zack also didn't give him the usuall chipper morning greeting that he always did. Something was wrong, as if the coughing hadn't already hinted at it.

"Well good morning, Sleeping Ugly." Cloud shut the draw after retrieving a shirt.

Zack just whimpered and grabbed his head. "Cloud. . . Cloud, why's the room spinning?" more coughing followed.

Cloud feigned shock and jumped into a postion that looked like he was attempting to stay standing; arms outstretched and knees slighty bent. He started to wiggle around awkwardly

"Whoa! It's an eartquaaake!" Cloud joked. Zack just moaned and and made a feeble attempt at tossing his extra pillow at the blonde.

"Don't be an ass." Zack droned out as he fell back onto his pillow and hid under the covers while shivering. Beads of sweat could be seen on Zack's forehead and his skin was pasty and almost paper like; missing it's signature glow.

"S-so cold.." he chattered and then started a fit of chest wrenching coughs and heavy snot filled sniffles.

Cloud just rolled his eyes at Zack's dramatic-ness. "I'll go get Tifa downstairs and call up Aerith to come over, alright?" a shaky nod from Zack and Cloud left the room.

The blonde tried not to act like it, but he was secretly worried. Zack NEVER, and I repeat NEVER EVER got sick. The blonde thought of it this way; Zack's unnaturally perky demeanor somehow affected his immunity system and it worked to propell the devil-horned bacteria that would in turn, cause Zack to act all moody and miserable.

Tifa's motherly instincts kicked in when Cloud told her the news. She flew from room to room, keeping a cup by the bed filled with water at all times, and getting extra blankets when Zack requested them. Aerith just panickly fidgeted and stood in the middle of the room, looking around unsure of what to do as she watched Tifa whiz by a million times a second.

When Cloud was given the task of bringing a bowl of chicken soup up to Zack, given to him by Tifa, all hell broke loose.

Sort of.

Lets just say it was a good thing Zack was sick and weaker then usual.

"NO!" Zack protested while pushing the bowl away from him and spilling a half of it on Cloud's shirt. The scalding hot soup of death seeped through and burned his chest. He gripped the bowl, almost shattering it.

Biting back threats, Cloud muttered through clenched teeth. "Zack. . .Eat the soup now." he enunciated slowly. Zack crossed his arms and shook his head defiantly, like a child refusing to take their yucky tasting medicine that their parents tried to convince them to take saying that it was chocolate flavoured.

"Nuh-uh! I don't want chicken soup! Whoever came up with the idea that it makes you feel better is a big fat fibber. If you were on the brink of death, stupid soup won't bring you back to life." Zack continued to rant with his ridiculous stuffed up voice. Cloud rolled his eyes.

To take the initiative in having Zack eat the soup, Cloud angrily gripped the spoon.

He wasn't going to ask nicely (as hard as it was), no.

He was going to use _old fashioned force_.

But Cloud was a kind man who gave second chances.

"Hey, buddy." Cloud said with strained calmness. Zacks ears perked up but he didn't turn to look at the blonde, continuing to have a stare down with the wall next to him.

Cloud continued in the same sugary-sweet caramel-coated voice, "If you eat just half the soup, I won't have to force the _entire_ thing down your throat, alright?" Cloud smiled

Zack brought a hand up to his mouth and let loose a congested sounding giggle. "Cloud, your so dirty! 'Shove it down my throat'. . . teehee!"

Ignoring Zacks remark, the blonde saw his chance. Quickly ladling some soup onto the spoon, Cloud rammed the spoon into Zack's mouth once he was in mid-giggle, and fulfilled his promise of shoving it down his throat.

Zack's eyes shot open in surprise and he started to frantically wave his arms around, causing the bed to shake and creak as he gagged. Cloud pulled out the now mucus covered but empty spoon from his mouth with a pleased smirk.

His smirk plopped off his face as soon as soup was spit in his face. It was Zack's turn to smirk.

"I learned how to bring back up food like llama's a week ago thanks to Animal Planet." Zack explained proudly.

Being beyond grossed out, Cloud finally broke down and started to beg Zack, asking what it was that he WOULD eat.

And that's why they were here, at the yogurt place.

According to Zack, it was his 'last dying wish' to get some frozen yogurt. Tifa almost had a bird when Cloud told her, Tifa objecting that he shouldn't go because the cold yogurt will make him even more ill.

"Uh, sir, can I help you?" a teen behind the counter interrupted Zack in a surfer voice. Zack slowly withdrew from the glass, leaving behind a cloud of fog and a dribble of spit. Zack wobbled frailly.

Zack swiped the back of his hand under his nose and wiped it on the the sweater he was wearing (which was borrowed from Cloud). Cloud saw him and made a mental note to force the sweater upon Vincent for Christmas. No way was he wearing it ever again, even if Tifa bleached it.

"Can I have an extra large cup of yogurt; one scoop chocolate fudge brownie, the other coffee, the other one mint and. . . wait did I already mention the brownie kind?" at the sigh from the Surfer Dude, Zack thought that as a yes.

Zack started to hack in a way that would make anyone cringe and affect them, feeling pain in their chest. Cloud even clutched his shirt at the chest and grimaced feeling that same rough dryness Zack was feeling.

"Oh. So I want the other two scoops to be orange creme, and pistachio then, please." Surfer Dude scrunched his face at the mention of the odd flavours, as did Cloud, but started to prepare Zack's yogurt anyway.

The blonde part of the Duo was now sitting at a little table and was looking out one of the shops window's, admiring the pretty flowering tree's.

The two of them were the only ones in the shop, luckily. Especially since something mindblowing and embarassing was about to go down.

Zack was keeping an eager vulture eye on Surfer Dude as the employee grabed all the necessary utensils to prepare the yogurt.

The ravenette brought his arms into Cloud's sweater sleeves and started to whip the sleeves around his body by twisting on the balls of his feet. For a sick person, he was antsy.

Cloud jumped, his phone flying out of his hand just as he finally steadied his hand and was about to snap a picture of the tree's pretty flowers.

"No, no no." the silence was shattered by a congested Zack. Cloud pinched the bridge of his nose in agitation and retrieved his phone. Leaning on his elbow on the table, face in one hand he decided to watch in an unintrested fashion at the madness about to go down.

What he saw was Zack swinging around an empty sleeve in an attempt of a threatning finger waggle at the teen.

"As your elder, I deserve respect." Zack spoke while a trail of wet boogers escaped and dribbled out of his red and peeling nose. Cloud rolled his eyes. His appearance was definetly demanding respect.

Surfer Dude was puzzled and grossed out, "Umm, sir? Like, what are you talking about brah?"

'Brah' pointed his tissue/sweater sleeve at the tupperware bowl-sized yogurt cup.

"That! That is a DISGRACE!" At the last word Zack jerked his head into a dissapproving shake of his head.

Seeing that the employee was even more confused, Zack did the unthinkable and clumsily vaulted himself over the counter to fall in a heap behind the counter with Surfer Dude.

Surfer Dude was shocked, "Sir, you can't be back here!" He said uneasily, a hand hovering over a nearby phone to dial 911 thinking Zack was a robber about to jump him for his puka shell necklace.

Zack got up and just waved him off. "Calm your tits, I'm a professional.

Cloud was trying his hardest not to laugh and embarass the blushing teenager. Zack was rowdy when he was sick!

Grabbing a scooper with both hands, Zack messily dug into a carton of one of his desired yogurt flavors.

NOW Cloud was interested. Instead of intervening and dragging his friend out of the shop, apologising to the teen saying Zack had the flu and it went to his head, his eyes were wide in glee with raised eyebrows, a grin on his face.

"See? THIS is proper portion sizes. Not that little crappy spoonful you put in there." Zack said while pointing out the tiny clump of yogurt in the humongous bowl with his chin.

"Hey, are you paying attention? Important life lesson here if you want to succeed in life, ya whippersnapper." with the forceful nudge of the elbow Surfer Dude recieved from Zack to get his attention, he nodded agressively; and to Cloud's humour, observed everything Zack did as if taking mental notes.

Zack dumped big softball sized scoops of his yogurt flavours into the bowl.

Satisfied with the serving size, Zack grinned victoriously.

And of course, Zack can't do anything right without making a complete mess of the room. He brought a finger through a clump of stray frozen goodness stuck on the wall and licked it.

"Same with the toppings." Zack continued on with his very professor-like lesson.

"I'f i'm going to be paying 50 cents per topping, i'm gunna get the best out of it. Right Cloudy?" Zack shouted to Cloud as loudly as he can for a person with a sore throat. After all, the _blonde_ was paying for Zack's frozen yogurt craving.

Collecting different toppings, which included hot fudge, sprinkles, peanut butter cup pieces, whip cream, gummy bears, and a variety of fruit pieces, he began his next lesson.

Gropping the squeezable bottle of hot fudge, Zack shot a squinted eye look at Surfer Dude whose eyes were straying away. "Paying attention, I presume?" Zack asked dangerously. Surfer Dude bristled and nodded tensely.

Zack smiled and started to squeeze hot fudge on top of his yogurt while he spoke his words of wisdom with his hoarse voice.

"Has anyone ever told you as a child to sing the ABC's in your head while you brush your teeth? Well, that's the key with getting the _perfect_ amount of hot fudge onto your yogurt. But instead, you sing it twice. First you sing it forward, and than he sing it again but in reverse, like so." Zack demonstrated as he threw up his head and howled in song and swished his head back and worth to the wonderful rythm that was the alphabet. And he sang it sloooooowly.

The whole bottle of fudge was left empty.

"NOW," Zack clapped once,"the other toppings." and he proceeded to use the same technique by dumping mounds of toppings on it.

The raventte smiled down upon his monstrous, diabetes inducing creation. He than grabbed the cup and put it under Surfer Dudes nose, making the teen go cross eyed. Zack was going to speak, but seeing the employee actually make himself go cross eyed to keep track of the cup of lumpy miscolored goo (like Zack's boogers that were still leaking out of his nostril's) was too entertaining.

Zack withdrew the cup slightly making the teens eyes going back to normal. He brought the cup forward again, the teen once again went crosseyed. This patern continued another four times and at different speeds.

He actually found someone blonder than Cloud!

**_Oh yeah, Cloud!_** Zack thought and snapped his fingers remembering his mothers words at always offering food to others as to avoid being rude.

"Yo, Cloud! Cloudy!" Zack shouted huskily to the blonde. The ravenette jabbed a goo-dripping finger at the wide arrangment of cartons filled with different flavours of yogurt.

"Ya want some?" Cloud's face contorted into disgust. Not at the colorful assortment of sweetness, no. But more at the mysterious dripping goo that was now coating Zack's. . .meal.

Suspicious as to what the slime was (for having seen Zack sneekliy stick his fingers up his nose in the car to attempt plugging the leak he couldn't stop) he held up a hand and shook his head no.

Zack shrugged. Cloud will just have to miss out!

After paying the still shell-shocked employee, the Duo left the trashed, tiny frozen yogurt shop.

Zack started to stir the now mushy yogurt creating the biggest concotion of 'eww' Cloud had ever seen. The other thought Cloud had as Zack lifted a spoonful of the clumpy mess was how interesting the color was. If they sold crayons in that mystical hue, it'd be a big hit.

"Good?" Cloud asked while eyeing the ravenette moan in delight as he savoured his poisonous looking. . .thing.

Zack smiled at Cloud, the strange colour lined his lips and chunks of peanut butter cups were stuck in his teeth. As Cloud was about to force a smile back, a strange noise erupted in Zack's throat. Zack's eyes went wide in urgency, the ravenette's face suddenly turning a wicked shade of green.

Slowly, the blonde caught on to what was about to happen. . . and he was right about the clump of 'eww' being poisonous.

For the second time that day, Zack spit up on him.

* * *

><p><strong>I'M SO SORRY.<strong>  
><strong>I know I said I was going to put up the next chapter TWO DAYS ago, but I have excuses!<strong>  
><strong>The day I was supposed to update it, It wasn't even completely typed up yet. And I had to help my mom cooke LITERALLY 5 different meals. In surprisinlgy HOT weather for September. *dies*<strong>  
><strong>YESTERDAY, fanfiction wouldn't let me upload the chapter on my Doc. Why? Because it's evil like that and new I was a day late.<strong>  
><strong>I feel so horrible and. . .dirty for breaking my promise! D: I hope you can forgive me, but if not just put me in the stocks. . . *holds out wrists*<strong>  
><strong>And I also know I promised to make another ToR. This is what the ToR was supposed to be but I got so caught up in it and by the time I noticed the length of it, the story wasn't so tidbit-ish anymore. So here you have this amazingly beautiful new chapter! (Sorry about the not so beautiful and overly DISGUSTING imagery ofZack and his cooties. What's gotta be done has gotta be done xD) So, I guess, in a way, making an extra long chapter than originally plan makes us even. . .? :D<strong>

**I won't make any promises (so I don't have to hurt anyone elses feelings) so I'll just vaguely say the next chapter will be updated in the next week. MIGHT be another ToR, since a lot of people liked those. Not entirely sure yet. I also have other projects and a completely new story in the works, also.**  
><strong><strong>

**_I'd ALSO like to announce that I want to make a Halloween edition chapter type thing for Destructive Duo!_**

**_ Not entirely sure what it should be about (The two of the going trick or treating, costume shopping, handing out candy like pedo's, going with the whole AVALANCHE gang to go trick or treating, ect ect ect.) so, thats why I need everyone that has read to review and leave their thoughts about this chapter, (and about how i'm a fail for updating so late JKJK), and their Halloween idea's! If not, then there most likely wont be a Halloween chapter. . .(and the next ToR will be slightly delayed since I won't feel loved and have no motivation to write. Like limp noodles. Analogy skills FTW)_**

**Am I the only one who noticed all the (notes) and how this A/N is huh-UUUUGE? Sorry about that -_-;;**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	13. Tidbits of Randomness 2

Tidbits of Randomness 2

Cloud chuckled to himself as he watched a video on the home computer. "Hah, women really do win fights because they're mental terrorist's!" The comedian who he was watching was demonstrating how women would win like the brain ninja's like they are. He started to laugh even more.

"Cloud? What are you watching?" The blonde jumped and quickly closed the window looking very much like he wasn't watching a comedic video. Tifa has snuck up behind him curious to see what was causing Cloud's manic laughter that was once a normal chuckle.

Cloud wipped his head around to look at Tifa as soon as he shut the page"Huh? Oh, nothing. I was just admiring our lovely screen saver." If Tifa knew he was laughing-in other words AGREEING- with the comedian, Tifa would throw out her leg in the legendary pre-argument stance and then finally say he was stupid like his father.

The barmaid, and his girlfriend, looked at him oddly and than nodded at the screen.

"You were 'admiring' the picture of Zack that he put as the background?" she asked. Cloud wasn't sure what the right answer was so he just turned to look at the screen.

The background was of Zack napping in Aerith's flowers at the church. The ravenette was twisted in an impossible and very awkward looking position as he slumbered, making him look like his spine was mutated. But that wasn't the only thing. A big bubble of drool had formed at the corner of his mouth as he was in mid-old man snore making a very grotesque sight. There was also another thing about the picture that made it even funnier/creepier, depending on your veiw of it, that clashed.

The picture was taken by Aerith herself and the kids were with the couple that day just hanging out and talking at the church. Zack apparently fell asleep in the sunny spot on the sweet smelling flowers.

Marlene _conveniently_ had a little jar of body glitter that Aerith had bought her out of the blue about a week before.

Zack's hair and face in the picture was sprinkled with pinkish-silverish shiny glitter. Marlene had also taken of her bow and tied it into Zack's hair to create a perfect little ponytail that shot right up.

To make things even stranger, Zack was a good sport about it when he woke up and Denzel had handed him a mirror. Even when the glitter wouldn't wash out of his hair for an entire month. If it were Cloud, he would have been humuliated and deleted the photo, not set it as the screen saver.

Cloud fumbled for an answer while loking at an expectant Tifa, leg already out stretched to the side in that position. That wasn't a good sign.

Before Tifa was going to force him to sleep on the couch for a week, an angel fell down from the stairs to rescue him.

"Cloud! Cloud! Code Red!" The black haired angel shouted from the top of the stairs, urgency in his voice.

Before he could completely shout another 'Cloud', just as the angel was halfway down the stairs, he tripped and heavily clonked down the rest of the stairs.

Tifa and Cloud glanced at the tumbling Zack nonchalantly. They watched him with bored expressions as he scrambled up to his feet and raced to Cloud, a paper in his hands.

Cloud's eyes shot open in surprise when Zack practically shoved the paper into his skull by using his eyeball canals as a way of passage.

"Look what he did, Cloud! Look!" Zack shouted hysterically on the verge of manless tears.

Cloud grumbled, "Well maybe if you didn't shove this so close. . ." the blonde pulled away to look at the paper.

On the paper was a picture of a stuffed animal and a pair of scissors.

Tifa looked over Cloud's shoulder to find out what was making Zack so crazed. She gasped knowingly.

"Someone has Wookie?" she said in disbelief while pointing to the tan and furry chocobo plushie. The stuffed animal was old and battered but the stuffing hadn't gone too flat.

Cloud was lost. "Hold on a minute! Who's Wookie and what's going on?" he shouted, looking for answers and shook the paper in his hand for emphasis.

Zack whimpered into his hands. Tifa spoke for him, "Wookie is that stuffed chocobo's name, and he belongs to Zack." she said softly to Cloud so Zack wouldn't hear.

Cloud was still confused. "How do you know all this?"

Tifa stared at him with a raised eyebrow. "I clean you two's bedroom, ocassionaly walking in on Zack while he's having a coffee party with Wookie because 'tea parties are gay'. I learn a lot."

Cloud, 'Ah'-ed. He started think that Zack was crying by all the messy sniffle sounds he was making behind his hands.

"So what does this all mean then?" Cloud asked. Zack lifted his head, exposing watery eyes, but none of his tears flowed over the eyelid.

"Read the back of the paper." Zack's voice shook with his unflown tears. Cloud flipped the paper over and saw the sterotypical serial murderer cut-paste letters from various magazines and news articles on the back.

If you ever want to see your precious Wookie ever again, come to Shinra Manor.  
><span>You see these sharp, gorgeously shiny scissors? Let that be a hint for what will happen in Wookie's future if you don't show up in the next 24 hours.<span>

-The Caffeine Addict & Rapunzel

**_Well, this wasn't good news. Or normal news_**, Cloud thought after he was done reading.

"Do we really have to go all the way to Shinra Mano-" Cloud was interrupted.

"YES!" Yelled both Zack and Tifa. Tifa explained at the 'traitor' look Cloud gave her.

"The last time he lost Wookie, he couldn't sleep at night so he walked all the way to Aerith's and bothered her when she was trying to sleep. I had to deal with her angry complaining rants the whole day after that. Never mind if Wookie got. . ." She looked to Zack in the distance who was reaching for a tissue on top of a book shelf and she lowered her voice, "de-stuffed".

Cloud got her drift. If Tifa was pissed because of Aerith, she'll get all moddy and take it out on _him_. The blonde sighed. "I'll call up Cid. . ."

* * *

><p>Tifa stayed behind at the bar while a cranky Cid flew them to Nibelheim.<p>

Before Cloud went to follow Zack out the door, Tifa pulled him aside and whispered, "You better find Wookie or else you're on the couch." threatningly in his ear. He gulped and she let him go to scamper off onto the airship.

"Now what?" Cloud asked as he stood near the door of the mansion, next to some stray shrubbery and foliage. Zack was pacing nervously back and forth.

A rustle in the bush's stopped them both. They stared at the shaking green's. When the two figures appeared out of them, however, their jaws dropped in disbelief.

"Hello, Zack. Cloud." The Wutain man greeted them both with a nod and a slight smirk. The cloaked man next to him smiled deviously (the world must have been coming to an end if he was actually smiling, even if it was one of pure evil)

"You're Caffeine Addict and. . .Rapunzel?" Cloud asked in disbelief. It wasn't rocket science to figure out whose aliases belonged to who.

"YOU SICK BASTARDS! WHERE IS MY WOOKIE?" Zack shouted, the complete opposite of Cloud's calm yet creeped out attitude.

Cloud held back Zack. He didn't want the ravenette to do something he'll regret later on.

"But why?" Cloud asked. This was making no fucking sense. At all.

Tseng held out a hand trying to calm them and keep from speaking out.

Vicent's monotone replied with a glimmer of hate, "Zack and his. . .nicknames annoyed me to no end." He was referring to all the vampire comments Zack would crack daily.

The demonic man, or 'Rapunzel' continued, "So, I teamed up with Tseng who was also having the same problem; Zack." Vincent gestured for Tseng to continue on with the story.

"Right. After the incident with my car," he stopped to glare at Zack remembering the cruel prank, "I thought it would only be right if I got revenge."

Cloud slapped his hand over his face. Fucking Zack made possibly the two calmest men on Gaia snap. This just wasn't going to end well.

Zack stormed up to Tseng and held the paper up menacingly in his face. "I SAID, WHERE IS MY WOOKIE." Tseng smirked and snapped his fingers.

From out of the bushes came Reno and Rude. Each of them grabbed onto Cloud and Zack to restrain them. Vincent went to a nearby tree and lowed a rope Cloud didn't notice before.

Tied to the rope, around the neck, was Wookie. Vincent produced those vile scissors from the photo from somewhere within his cloak's dark depths. He put his fingers in the holes of the handle and snipped the air with them teasingly.

"We thought it'd only be appropriate to see your precious stuffed chocobo one last time." and with that Vincent neared the hanging chocobo plushie.

A sickening _snip!_ and a dramatic shout of 'NOOOOO!' from Zack echoed throughout the vast, deserted lands near the Shinra Manor.

Cloud couldn't help but think that if this scene were in an action movie, the film would suck terribly.

* * *

><p><strong>This might be too long for a ToR, but I wanted to write some recently and this is 500 words shorter than the regular chapters, so. . .<strong>  
><strong>Anyways what do you guys think? xD Theres a reference to the first chapter of this fic in here so if you haven't read the begining of Destructive Duo yet, I suggest you do. Also, I'm still looking for Halloween ideas! (See earlier chapter's AN) If you read and liked, review to let me know! Also, thanks to **_loveless an the living fantasy_** (did I get that right?) for the tiny idea that sprouted this new chapter! You're awesome!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	14. Tidbits of Randomness 3

Tidbits of Randomness 3

He's been eagerly counting down the days. Keeping count on the calender in the bar by making large red X's on each days square (while covering up notes for doctor appointments, parties ect.)

Ever since he saw the announcment on one of his favorite geek new's sites-as Aerith called it-he had been the happiest he's ever been in his whole life in that small moment.

Zack would giddily skip down the stairs-watching out for stray dangerous materia- go to the calender and make a big, ugly, and ink blotched mark. Once the deed was finished he would then bounce to the kitchen for breakfast.

"One more day!" The ravenette had announced at the table. By now, everyone in the vicinity was able to tune out his daily countdowns, leaving Zack to talk to his plate of limp scrambled eggs and glass of OJ. Why hadn't they learned this niffty trick earlier? It would have saved all of them from a lot of trouble.

* * *

><p>Finally, it was Doomsday.<p>

Looking around suspiciously, the black clothed figure snuck down into the living room.

He searched around the room until he found what he was looking for. Aerith's purse.

Jackpot.

His girlfriend had stayed the night (In the guest room. No way was Tifa going to allow them two in the same room.) and Zack remembered seeing her leave her purse down here. More like OBSERVED her as she abandoned the feminine accesory, keeping a mental note to himself for the morning.

Tip toeing up to it, he unzipped the bag and peered inside.

**_Lipgloss, compact, shit tons of reciepts. . ._** Zack frowned as he trifled some more, not finding the item he wanted.

He grimaced at what he dug up._** Lady things. . .**_ He nudged the plastic wrapped monstrosities off to the side with a wallet not wanting to touch it.

Wait. _The wallet._

So that's where it was! Zack smacked himself in the forehead. He struggled with the millions of unnecessary buckles, snaps, buttons, clasps, and finally, the zipper to get the wallet cracked open. Zack smiled victoriously and took out some Gil.

There was no shame in borrowing money from Aerith, without her knowing. Zack had reassured himself of this last night when he was conniving his plans. Because, it wasn't stealing if he would repay her.

Anyways, she wouldn't even know it was gone! Plus, he was_ borrowing_. He'd pay her back eventually. If not with money, than maybe with a pot of flowers or something. Aerith liked flowers.

Closing the door quietly behind him not wanting to wake anyone, Zack started his journey to the garage. Another thing he'd be borrowing that day would be Fenrir.

* * *

><p>After going to a diner to get some breakfast and riding around a bit to kill some time, he arrived at the video game store at long last.<p>

Zack inhaled the familiar scent of the store after entering the magical sliding doors that lead to the geekdom.

It was a comforting aroma. Crisp and fresh from the A.C, but it also had that mysterious whiff of nerds who didn't leave the controller to shower.

He closed his eyes and smiled. This was his haven.

Finished with being sentimental, he nearly dashed to the PSP games aisle.

Hungrily searching for the awesome packaging of the desired videogame for ten minutes,going up and down the aisle repeatedly, brought him to deflate of happiness.

Zack flagged down an employee. "Do you have Crisis Core somewhere in the backroom or something? I don't see it here." he scratched the back of his head with a lopsided smile.

The employee just continued to stare at him unintrested like every other adult in the workforce.

She sighed at the now demanding look Zack was giving her.

"Give me a minute, sir." She said gloomily. The employee walked to a nearby computer and started to push some buttons. The puppy was hot on her heels as she went up to the computer. He was so close behind her it could be considered as sexual harrasment.

The woman looked over her shoulder and squinted at Zack's close proximity. He smiled and waggled his fingers in a wave. She turned back to the screen, her fingers hovering over the keyboard.

"Name of the game again." she said with the same emotionless, flat tone. Zack started to wonder if she were an android.

"Crisis Core." he replied, delayed. His thoughts about the women being an undercover robot almost left his mouth until he regained control for once.

The woman typed.

"Sorry, I don't see any results whatsoever for that game." she said haughtily. At least there was _some_ kind of emotion in her voice, even if it was rude. He looked over her shoulder to look at the screen for himself. Weren't people who worked at these places supposed to know all the names of the upcoming video games?

Typed in the search bar was 'Chris Court'.

. . .Was this lady retarded, deaf, or had shattered finger bones?

"Umm, it's _Criss Core_." Zack sounded out. The lady shot him a blasphemous look at Zack's audacity.

With strained patience, the employee bit her tongue and typed again.

"It says the game doesn't come out until tomorrow." At the look that said 'check again' from Zack, she gritted her teeth and pointed at the screen. Zack's heart dropped.

He's been counting this day down for MONTHS, and now his joy was crushed. He wanted to play that game so badly _today_, not tomorrow.

Numbly, Zack uttered an, 'Oh. . .thanks.' The woman walked away.

The stupid website gave him the wrong release date! When he got back home he was so taking it off his Favorites. But right now, he had bigger chocobo's to fry. Zack stomped off into the direction of the stores restrooms.

Duty calls for some action.

* * *

><p>Zack woke up crippled from the odd position he slept in on the toilet seats lid. He had a mini freakout at the strange surroundings, when it came back to him.<p>

He had planned to hide out in the store's bathroom overnight. The thing that woke him was boxes being unloaded from somewhere outside.

Zack rubbed his eyes and checked his watch as his back made a sickening crunching sound. He grinned at the watch.

The time on the device was before noon. The store hadn't opened it's doors. And the sounds from the outside can only mean one thing. The shipments had come.

Carefully creeping out of the restroom he observed everything going on.

There were workers in their blue uniform shirts diligently rushing back and forth stocking shelves and mopping the floor. Zack's eyes roamed about some more as they landed on an opened cardboard box. Inside the box he could just about make out the blue covers of something.

There were _stacks_ of Crisis Core games in it.

This was _definetly_ Heaven.

He slithered over to the box, occasionaly ducking behind displays and aisles when employee's walked his way. The last thing he needed was being caught infiltrating a Best Buy.

Zack reached out his grubby hands and grabbed the first case inside the box and held it to his chest. He felt like he was reuniting with a long lost lover.

Becoming on alert again, he started to make his way to the door. He outstreched his arms (videogame in hand),put his back to the wall and inched his way against it, heading towards the door. When he came to a big open space not concealed by racks and aisles, he ducked and rolled while protectively gripping the game to his chest.

The coast was clear, no blue t-shirts in sight. The door was just feet ahead of him. Zack looked around once again nervously. Would it be wrong not to pay for the game? He looked over to the cash register. No one was standing there. He bit his lip and came to his conclusion.

It'd be best to borrow the game and walk out of the store.

He set his gaze once again on the door and at the alarm censors to both sides of it. The red lights were off, meaning the censors were shut down. The ravenette sighed in relief.

Mustering up all his courage, he ran out the exit. Once in the middle of the parking lot he checked behind him making sure he wasn't being followed.

At the tumble weed that rolled by the deserted area behind him, he pumped a fist in the air in victory.

All that was left was finding Fenrir. Hopefully it was still there opposed to being kidnapped by some hooligans. Zack pat his pocket for the keys.

Empty.

**_Shit!_** Zack thought. The keys must have fell out of his pocket during his roll!

Should he risk it and go back? The consequences would have to be paying for the game (which he had no intention of doing. He would rather keep Aeriths money for himself) and possibly getting dragged off to jail. If he didn't get the keys back, Cloud would _murder_ him.

It didn't take an idiot to decide between the two options.

Zack ended up pushing the heavy motorcycle for 10 miles until he got back to the bar. Getting his head ripped off by a bitchy blonde was better then giving up his precious.

* * *

><p><strong>Finished! I've been meaning to write another chapter all week, but i've been SO busy D: The idea about Zack buying (or "borrowing" in my mind ;D) Crisis Core came from <strong>_HazzaTL3. _**I know, I said I might not be able to write that idea, but I have finally founded ToR so it fit perfectly. Plus I have experience about Zacks position xD Apparently, the new Professor Layton (any fans?) was coming out a day later then I thought. The 'blah' employee who is either deaf, retarded, or finger impared is also from my own experience on my Professor Layton journey. The dude at Best Buy typed in "Professor Lightning". =w=;**

**Anyways, hoped you liked this one! Review Please! I was thinking about going on Hiatus since I haven't been so empowered to wrtite because of reviews and such, but we'll see with this chapter. **ALSO! IF YOU HAVE ANY HALLOWEEN IDEAS FOR THIS STORY LET ME KNOW NOW! THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE!

~Sabby-Sama


	15. Halloween Part 1

Halloween: Part 1

A knock came from the door.

Genesis looked up from his bowl of soup to glare at the thick wooden door. Who _dared_ interupt him while he-Genesis Rhapsodos- was eating?

As he was about to get up from the couch with a grumble, a firm hand clasped his shoulder.

"Calm yourself, Genesis. If your eye lasers didn't already burn a hole through the door and kill the person on the other side, I don't think you kicking open the door to greet the visitor will, either.", came the soothing, but firm voice of Sephiroth from behind the redhead.

The redhead scowled and roughly shook the General's hand off his shoulder,dropped back down onto the couch and began to slurp his soup, now moodier than before. Angeal, who was across the room chuckled softly.

"Yo, First Class's!" the mischievous tainted voice shouted from behind the door. Sephiroth han't even opened the door completely before the "Goddamn Turks" as Genesis labeled them, burst in.

The silver haired man stepped aside and let the rude intruders in, holding in a sigh of annoyance. Reno strolled in and plopped down lazily on the couch like he owned the place. Genesis scooted away from the other redhead who was now peeling off his sweaty socks after removing his shoes.

Reno grinned at the grossed out face of Genesis. Always being the bold and daring one and seeing how far he could piss people off until he got injured, Reno tossed a sock and watched with satisfaction as it neatly landed in the other's bowl of soup.

It was a miracle that Genesis didn't knock the teeth out of the man's cocky grin with his heavy leather boots. After all, he would get in some deep trouble with Rufus and Tseng, something he didn't have the patience for if the two men decided to gang up on him.

"What do you two want?" Angeal asked oddly polite for the situation from his spot at the dining room table, breaking the tense air in the room. They were all currently in the burly man's apartment.

"Oh, right!" Reno exclaimed as he just remembered why he intruded and made himself at home for. Rude, who was standing in a very professional pose, took off his sunglasses to wipe the lens.

"Ya' know Halloween's comin' up, right?" Reno asked. Blank faces all around the room. He continued.

"Of course you know! This one here is just so excited about it, he's already dressed in his clown costume- OOF!" Reno instinctively hunched over after recieving a punch to the gut from a scarily calm Genesis.

Ignoring the crunch he heard coming from the Turks rib-area Sephiroth prompted, "So?" Rude remained silent and straight faced as usual.

"So? It's the month for pranking!" Reno said rather enthusiasticly while he grunted in pain. The two First's in the room were now intrigued as they were on the same page as the Turk. They knew exactly who to pull a rather harsh prank on. Angeal, however, wanted no part in the upcoming chaos as if he were picking up on Sephiroth's and Genesis's telepathic message.

_**And so, it begins. . .**_

* * *

><p>"MERRY HALLOWEEN!" Zack screeched as he bounced towards the rest of the adults in the household. He was followed by a cheering Marlene and Denzel.<p>

Cloud sighed. "Happy, Zack." he corrected. Aerith and Tifa giggled at the dance Zack did with the kids in celebration of the wonderful holiday.

Not understanding what Cloud meant, Zack said, "I know! Can't you see the huge smile on my face?" The kids laughed at their uncle's obliviousness.

Tifa took a sip from her morning coffee and then grinned, the caffeine giving her a suden energy boost. Gods knew she needed it to deal with these _three_ children for the rest of the day.

"Ok, kid's." Aerith spoke loudly over the cheering and giggling to get their attention and calm them down. The children quieted down, even Zack who obeyed. The man's eyes were popping out of his head in his usual puppy dog-eyed look. The mako blue was just _overflowing_ with contained joy that had to be released.

Cloud chuckled. Zack looked like a puppy who just completed an order given to him by his master and was now awaiting a treat.

Aerith smiled at the silence and kept quiet for a moment to savour it while it lasted. In the mean time, she took a delicate bite out of her bagel and chewed.

The kids were shaking eagerly at the suspense-filled air. The two women giggled while Cloud was reading the paper with a raised eyebrow at the headline.

"First, we're going to Uncle Cid and Auntie Shera's for lunch. After we've stayed for a while and enjoyed their Halloween party, we'll come back to the bar and eat a small dinner." Aerith layed down the plan, immedietly cutting to the chase.

With a wink, she added, "After all, you guys need to save room for some candy!" More cheering. The three of them couldn't wait to get cavities and have their teeth painfully drilled at the dentist's.

A while later, the children were fully informed on the plan for this years Halloween.

* * *

><p><strong>TIME: 7:30 PM.<strong>  
><strong>LOCATION: 7TH HEAVEN.<strong>  
><strong>COUNTDOWN: 1 HOUR.<strong>

Once the sun went down, Aerith and Tifa took the kids out to the better part of the neighborhood in Edge to go trick-or-treating.

Cloud and Zack were left at home. Alone.

It was only natural for the two of them to decide to pop in a horror movie to watch on this dark and not-so-stormy Halloween night.

"Zack, stop clinging onto me." The blonde demanded as he grunted while he pried the ravenette's fingernails that were buried deep into the flesh of his arm, and tried to push the other man away by the face. Zack stayed latched on like a leech.

"N-No!" Cloud raised his eyebrows at the shaky whisper that came out of Zack's chattering mouth.

Zack coughed and tried to cover up his wimpy voice with a more macho sounding one. "Anyways, Cloud. Don't you want to snuggle?" Zack spoke his coverup in his imitation Angeal voice. He had it nailed down since he had been practicing to confuse the Shin-Ra secretaries over the phone.

"Uh, no." Cloud said bluntly. He didn't notice any drastic change in Zack's voice.

Suddently, the lights went out. The room was painted in the scary blackness of the Unknown.

From somewhere in the room, a woman screeched.

At first, Cloud was confused. He was sure the had TV shut off in the blackout, causing the movie to end. Until realization hit him.

"Stop yelling in my ear! Gods!" a miffed Cloud shouted. He brought his fist down on Zack's thigh, hoping that it would make the ravenette release his grip that was now ten times stronger then before. It didn't work.

This was _**not**_ cool. Here they were, Zack practically peeing his pants from fright, and so close to the blonde that he was just about sitting on his lap, not to mention.

Cloud slumped back in defeat. Other than the chattering from Zack's teeth, everything was silent. Cloud could hear the muffled ticking coming from the watch on his wrist, which was now lost somewhere in the valleys of Zack's armpit.

"Will you get the hell off of me or what!" Cloud exploded into a roar. The sudden shout made Zack jump away from the blonde.

Cloud smiled in relief as feeling flooded back into his arm and was turning back to its original pale hue. SUCCESS.

"S-So, you gonna g-get a flash-flash light or what, man?" Zack chattered/stuttered from his huddled position on the cold hardwood.

"I'm a delivery boy. Not a paper boy. I don't fetch crap." Cloud glared at a dark spot that he thought was Zack in the blanket of black, but was actually the circular rug. If Zack wanted somehing, he was going to get it himself.

Zack wimpered. "But, nooo! No! I can't!" Zack whined pitifully as he looked into the vast dark space that was the kitchen. What if something jumped out of the darkness and ate his gorgeous face? He'd rather risk Cloud's hardly-there beauty then his.

Cloud hoped that Zack coudn't see his grin in the darkness. Big bad Zack was scared, eh?

"Fine. We'll just sit the darkness. On Halloween. The time of year when ghosts and boogeymen come out to play." Cloud said dramatically as he sat back and relaxed while watching Zack smugly.

Cloud didn't even reach six ticks of his watch until antsy Zack got up and sprinted into the kitchen.

"Fetch, Puppy. Fetch!" The blonde shouted after the ravenette. Cloud laughed.

**LOCATION: KITCHEN**

**TIME: 8:15 PM.**

**COUNDOWN: 15 MINUTES.**

_**Where is it, whereisitwhereisitwhereisit?**_ Zack screamed mentally. He whipped around and around in a circle until he became dizzy.

WHERE WAS THE FUCKING DRAWER WITH THE FUCKING FLASHLIGHT?

Spotting what he prayed was the drawer, he ran over and threw open the drawer. Zack jammed his hands frantically inside the black space and flailed them about, searching in the darkness. Not there.

Drawer after drawer he sought out the harbinger of light.

_**Ouch!**_ Zack withdrew his hand quickly and started to suck on his finger. Stupid knifes don't belong in there!

. . .Wait, was that just a shadow?

Zack turned his head slightly, horror slowly etching on his face. He sucked in a breath as well as his bottom lip, his back hunched.

There it was again!

From the windows in the front of the bar, a shadow was being cast eerily from the light of the moon into the room.

It was the boogeyman coming to get him!

A creak came from outside. . .

Zack muffled a yelp. It was getting closer. . .! Any minute it was about to walk in and eat him!

He fumbled some more in the kitchen quickly and found the saviour. He flicked the switched and the light came on. A light beam perfectly pointed at the window in the front of the room.

Zack let out a blood curdling shriek.

* * *

><p><strong>WHAT HAPPENS NEXT? So yeah, here's the Halloween fic! It'll be two parts. Or three, no sure. The thing I noticed with my writting, is that theres a lot of stall-time, which to me is BAD. that's why my ToR's are longer than usual, I don't cut to the chase quick enough! ;w; Sorry if you noticed this flaw, i'll try to fix it! D: This is a TEASER~ the final chapter (I hope, if it IS 2 parts) will be updated on Halloween night! So gather your Snowballs, curl up on the couch and pig out to your hearts content as you read the -hopefully- spooooooky chapter!<strong>

**On a different note, I nearly spazzed out from joy a couple o' days ago. My teacher pulled me aside (and the goody two shoes that I am, -HAHA, SARCASM!- I thought I was in trouble.) and told me that my creative writting was the best that he's ever seen in a student in his ten years of teaching. I. COULD HAVE DIED. FROM HAPPINESS. But instead, I was uberly shy and flattered I think he was more excited about it then I was! Oh God, best teacher I've ever had. He's like a kid himself! And if your asking, no. I didn't write a chapter from DD, it was a personal narrative essay xD**

**Review and tell me what you thought!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	16. Halloween Part 2

Halloween: Part 2

At first, the silence was pleasant for the blonde, but it soon became as unnerving as recieving a lap dance from Palmer.

Up until the deafening silence, the abnormal sounding ruckus (shriek included) coming from the kitchen-contrary of Zack-was normal. But now Cloud wasn't so sure anymore.

"What the fuck?" Cloud whispered to himself.

Knowing the ravenette, the man probably saw his shadow-it being the final straw for his limited fright meter- and passed out.

Cloud got up from the couch with a sigh and made his way to the kitchen. He secretly hoped within his heart of hearts (if this evil man even _had_ a soul for what he was thinking) that on his way down to have a makeout session with the tile, Zack hit his head-preferably coma inducing hard- on the cold marble counter.

Sadly, that wasn't the sight that greeted him as he stood in the doorway.

The first thing that he noticed in his line of sight was the door to the bar. Or what was left of it.

It looked like Tifa had abused the use of Steroids and got pissed at Cloud for sneakily hidding the clean laundry instead of properly putting it away since he was lazy. A heap of miserable, splintered wood ruins was off to the side of Cloud, directly in front of the spot where it should have been securely bolted by the hinges in the door frame.

Cloud almost immedietly noticed a couple of stray trick-or-treating children staring at him, mouth's agape, from the other side of the empty doorway.

Hadn't these nose picking rugrats mothers taught them that staring at people was rude and quite creepy?

Suddenly insecure, Cloud briefly looked down at himself. Thankfuly, he was wearing pants unlike he usualy did when he was at home.

A young girl dressed as an over glitterfied purple butterfly awkwardly raised her chubby arm and pointed into the room next to Cloud; the kitchen.

Out of know where, the girl screeched, "What are they _doing!"_

Cloud rushed around the corner to see what the somewhat traumatized-looking children were staring at.

And there on the ground was. . . a black mountain-like lump? It was too dark for Cloud to properly see, not to mention he wasn't wearing his glasses.

At that moment, the moon spookily shifted in the sky, sending a white ray of light filtering through a nearby curtain and landed on the pile.

Now Cloud knew why the children looked so traumatized.

In quite a suggestive position was Zack. And he was entagled with a couple of other mysterious men.

Cloud couldn't see who the strange intruders were, since Zack was sprawled ontop of the dog pile. And like the blonde had predicted, Zack was passed out, nearly suffocating the wiggling strangers underneath him with his dead weight.

Doing what his instincts were telling him, he ignored the tresspassers and tried to save the innocent children's (wide) eyes.

Cloud dashed to a cupboard and threw it open. He shoved his fist in Yuffie's secret snack stash, grabbing a couple of candy bars. He then went to the window, opened it and drew his arm back as far as humanly possible and launched the candy out of it.

The kids seemed to melt out of their frozen state at the sound of the crinkling wrappers. The goodies hadn't even plopped neatly in the middle of the_-very-_ safe street before they lunged at each others throat.

Cloud walked calmly back to the kitchen and kicked the unconcious Zack off the other bodies. The corpse rolled off the human mountain and made a thump when it collided with the floor.

"Ugh, thank the Goddess. Zack was smelly. . ." a red leather cloaked figure shakily got up and dusted himself off.

"Genesis? What are you doing in my kitchen, getting it on with Zack?" Cloud asked.

Two more figures unraveled themselves of each other and stood next to Genesis. Reno and Sephiroth. Rude had thought their plan was stupid and childish so he stayed back in the apartment with Angeal, drinking coffee and having intelligent adult conversations.

Reno snorted in amusment while Sephiroth was confused. What was 'getting it on'?. Genesis scowled and summoned Firaga threatningly.

"I wasn't doing that! _That_ dumbass fainted when I kicked in the door." Genesis gestured to the limp Zack with his enflamed hand.

"That doesn't explain how you all got on each other in a rape pile." Cloud pointed ot simply. Apparently this matter was more important than the busted door that gave free entry to alcohol crazed robbers.

Sephiroth stepped forward. "Rape? I am not familiar with that word." He looked to Genesis for the definition like the auburn haired man were a living dictionary. The man ignored him.

"Okay, first of all, I was at the BOTTOM of the pile. I got it the worst yo." spoke the Turk. He gestured to his scrawny noodle like body body and Cloud suddenly felt bad for him.

"Plus," the red head added, "Something kept poking my thigh. I prayed the damn thing was Masumune." He looked to Sephiroth, who was previously ontop of him. The silver haired general didn't understand.

Cloud just rubbed his temples. How did they suddenly start talking about rape? These not so normal people were invading his kitchen for Gods sake!

"Anyways," Genesis spoke, Firaga now diminished,"It's not rape if you like it." he pointed out. Reno snorted a 'true'.

"Zack was unconcious. He couldn't have liked it." Wait, why was he going on with this?

The Turk was about to argue and back up Genesis but Zack stirred. The three of them looked over to the man on the ground as he came back to conciousness.

"What happened?" He rubbed his head as he blinked, trying to clear black spots to identify the multiple, different hair colored Cloud's infront of him.

He put his arms out. "Cloud? Why are there three of you? Oh dear Gods, is this the Lifestream? NOOO! I have to deal with a gang of Clouds for the rest of my afterlife?"

The three of them ignored the SOLDIER who was now hyperventilating madly at the concept.

"Why are you even here?" Cloud asked with a sigh. He crossed his arms and out stretched a leg, imitating Tifa's new favourite pose of annoyance.

"Oh, right!" Reno yelled. He nudged Genesis.

Genesis immedietly switched from an anger-fueled redhead to distressed. He clutched Clouds arm like a damsel in distress.

Ugh, this again? Cloud started to wiggle out of the grasp but Genesis gripped harder.

"Cloud, It's bad! Really bad!" Genesis gushed in mock horror. Cloud was confused but didn't find the fakeness in the mans tone.

"Wait, what is it redhead Cloud?" Zack muttered loudly and dazedly. He may have been out of it still, but he knew something was wrong, as misleading as Genesis was being.

Genesis threw a look of disgust at the Puppy. He never liked Zack. More so after being crushed by the alleged "stinky" man.

"Hojo!" Genesis screeched once again in character. Cloud looked to Reno and Sephiroth for an explanation. The two of them failed at playing the part, especially the straight faced Sephiroth. Poor Sephiroth's face was contorted so badly at trying to look terrorfied that he looked constipated instead. Reno...Reno just looked like he was reading a magazine chuck full of mature content.

So far, it was Genesis who won the Drama Award. After all, he was good at it from being a Drama Princess daily.

"And?" Cloud prompted.

Genesis burst into a rushed babble describing the horrific events.

The far fetched story Genesis and Reno conjured back at the apartment (with Sephiroth's supervision) was being told.

Hojo was working in the lab that night. How much more fitting can that be? A mad man conducting experiments on Halloween night.

Unknown 'stuff' happened and Hojo somehow created a new serum. He gave the serum to a human test subject and thats when it happened.

The test subject tuned into a zombie. According to Genesis, the test subject went on a rampage (well, as much as a rampage as a zombies could manage. . .) and infected the whole Shin-Ra building; Sephirtoh, Reno and Genesis escaping the creatures by the skin of their teeth.

"You have to go back there and save everyone, Cloud! You're the only one who can do it!" By now Cloud's ego was the size of the Planet.

Cloud flexed his bicep muscles and tried to act cool, "Hmm, I supposed I could. Because, you know, I AM the best" Sephiroth rolled his eyes while Reno was trying to hold back a 'Chyeah, ok Chocobo.'

"So, will you?" Genesis was becoming irrated with Cloud's conceit.

"Sure. A hero can't back down from saving the world."

Genesis let go of his arm. "Good. Now hurry!"

Cloud got his sword and rushed out the door with a now alert Zack following him.

The three men left behind at the bar snickered. This was going to be _good._

* * *

><p>Kicking open the doors to the companies building, Zack gasped at the sight.<p>

The infected were milling about lazily. The lobby was swamped with them. Zack started to withdraw his sword from the sheath on his back but Cloud held out an arm, stopping him. They couldn't kill these Shin-Ra employee's, even if they were zombies.

The "zombies" were too stupid (or pretended) like they didn't notice the two grown men who bust down the door. Cloud pulled Zack to the side behind a large leafy plant (no doubt fake) and crouched down.

"We can't kill them, Zack." the blonde whispered. Zack's face dropped in dissapointment.

"But why? They're zombies! How cool is this?" the older man whined. Cloud decked him on the side of the head.

"So? They're still people on the inside!" Zack 'eww'ed' in protest at this. "Maybe Hojo has an antidote or something in the Lab." the shorter man continued. Zack considered this.

The porcupine haired SOLDIER sighed. "Ugh, fine." he stood up, muttering something about kicking zombie asses and being in a history book shirtless.

Cloud motioned for Zack to stay quiet and to follow him as to not cause an Undead Stampede. Zack obeyed to the best of his limited ability.

Now, these "zombies" were merely just everyday Shin-Ra employee's in disguise, complete with the gruesome makeup and ripped clothing. When Genesis and Reno got out the plan, via multiple meetings, emails, and mail notices, everyone in the building was all for it. They thought it'd be good payback for the problems the two men caused almost daily.

If the amount of noise Zack was making as he was infiltrating the enemies base didn't wake up the real dead, it didn't alert the disguised employee's. Not that they didn't hear them or anything.

They made it to the elevator. As Cloud was frantically pressing the button to bring the elevator down, Zack tripped a zombie just for the fun of it. The poor employee hit the ground hard with a disgruntled "urgh".

Rushing into the elevator, looking around maniacaly Cloud immedietly jabbed the button for the Lab's floor with his thumb, not even waiting for Zack.

Once freeing his sleeve from the despicable clutches of the elevator door, Zack started to stroll down the empty, never ending, sterile white corridor. Cloud followed behind him, on alert.

"You know, Cloudy." Zack began as he strut fearlessly. "It was always a _dream_ of mine to become a zombie."

The blonde looked at him incrediously and then snorted. "If only you got bitten." If Zack did, the blonde woldn't get in trouble with the law if he murdered him.

They stopped at the thick and heavy metal door that seperated the corridor from the Lab. Zack looked questioningly to his partner in crime.

Zack sized up the door."Uh, did you pack a bazooka with you by any chance?" Cloud ignore him and pulled the unnecessarily large handle. The door was unlocked. The blonde quietly stalked in.

The ravenette scoffed. "Pfft, I knew that." He sheepishly scampered in after his friend.

A heavy silence greeted them in the unusually clean Lab. Cloud cringed. Something was wrong, he could feel it from his toes to the tipity top of his spikes.

He could sense something _bad_ was going to happen.

"Zack, I think we-"

And from out of nowhere, objects were immedietly flung at them; from deadly scalpels to flimsy IV tubes. Some metal items hit the ground with a loud clatter.

The animated dead had ambushed them and were now limping startlingly fast towards them.

The duo backed up, having almost been completely cornered into a wall.

"I change my mind. I don't want to be a zombie anymore!" Zack cried out.

Cloud blocked out Zack's abnoxious whining. There had to be a way out, there always was.

And thats when he saw it. Cloud had frantically looked to his left and found numbered doors. He grabbed Zacks arm and dragged him over to a door labeled 14 in military-like font.

He put his hand on the handle and closed his eyes. **_Please let it be unlocked._**

When he violently yanked on the handle, he heard a click. Throwing the door open he threw Zack into the room first and tripped in after him. He scrambled up clumsily to slam the door shut, rudely cutting of the zombies who were nearing the entrance. The door locked them in.

Cloud let himself slide down against the door and brought his shaking hands up to thread through his locks. He was almost positive that he was scared shitless so much, 10 years had been docked from his life.

Everything was silent, not a sound came from the other side of the door. Not even banging like the cliche movies where the zombies wanted in.

"Oh no, Cloud. . ." came Zack's hushed voice. Cloud snapped his head up. Did one of those creatures weasel in here?

This was when Coud regretted opening the door and saving their lives.

They were in Hojo's specimen bay.

And in the room with them was a giant, mutated squid creation.

* * *

><p><strong>I MADE THE DEADLINE.(This is the last part by the way) Hah, poor Cloud and his fear of Squid! I'll never let that one down. . . ^_^ <strong>**By the way I kept forgetting to mention. Back a couple o' chapters where it starts off with Cloud watching a comedian on the computer, those of you who don't get the reference go to Youtube and type in 'Dane Cook why women win fights' and make sure you watch the live one! It's funnier when you see him run around the stage xD**

**Also, this story will be officially on Hiatus for, about 2 weeks? I have SOOO many other things I want to start (and also have a couple things to continue that I've been neglecting) one of my new projects will be Zack &Cloud centered ^_^ I promise laughs and a chance of scare with then new fic(I'll let you know when it's up!). ALSO, if any of you have read my story, Homework (If you haven't, CHECK IT OUT. NOW. AFTER YOU REVIEW OF COURSE ;D) because I will be making a sequel type thing soon like I promised! ****I hope I mentioned everything I had too. . . maybe if you guys are lucky i'll drop a ToR here or there when I have the chance. MAYBE.**

**Review please!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	17. Tidbits of Randomness 4

Tidbits of Randomness 4

A holler of pure, heated rage. "Fuck this, I quit!" Cloud got up from the floor after placing the game controller on the ground gently as if handling a newborn. As he was about to storm off to the kitchen, he stopped and stooped down, picking up the controller again. To show just how pissed he was, he slammed the controller down as hard as he could into the carpeted ground. The 'newborn' cried out, a bunch of clicks and beeps before it stopped.

Pleased with the (odd) scene he created, he stomped off to the kitchen. Zack blinked, sitting crosslegged on the ground next to were the blonde was previously sitting.

Did Cloud just get pissed and endangered the innocent controllers life just because he couldn't get the fat Italian plumber's green, over-sized salamander pet to jump over a pipe?

Zack shook his head. Cloud's video game skills were jumping off the cliff like his red plumber character before he abandoned the game, only to land in the dark forbidding abyss beneath the fluffy, deceiving clouds.

Cloud should spend more late night hours damaging his eyes while they were glued to the screen like he did. That'd improve his skills while it made him blind and a loser. The blonde could be his apprentice! Or, 'young grasshopper'. Yeah, that sounded cooler.

The ravenette resumed the game, continuing the two player mode without the blonde.

A scent started to tickle at Zack's tissue-chapped nostrils. He sniffed loudly trying to identify the scent like a Teacup Chocobo. What was that odd smell and where was it coming from? He lifted an arm and took a whiff of his armpit. Nope, his scent couldn't compare with the other that smelled pleasant when put up against his.

Not being able to identify it, he started to try and taste the air particles floating about. He slurped at the air. Something tasted burnt. . .

The previously angered blonde floated back into the room with a calm smile and a big bowl of something in his hands. The mysterious aroma drifted in along with the blonde, only to assult Zack's nose.

Yup, no doubt about it. It was the horrid smell of burnt popcorn. Now why did Cloud leave just to put on Tifa's foul smelling perfume? That kid had problems. . .

The blonde smiled wider, "I made us some popcorn!" he said, suddenly chipper. He set the bowl of charred, unhealthy excuse of a snack made from vegetables in front of Zack. Oh, Cloud made popcorn. THAT made more sense.

"Eat before it gets cold!" he urged. Zack stared at the burnt nub-like things in disgust. It looked like a failure occured in Hojo's kitchen followed by a toxic spill.

Cloud frowned and narrowed his eyes. "I said eat it." the slightly demonic-altered voice rumbled out of the blondes mouth.

Zack was so ungrateful! He had gone out of his way to shove a package of popcorn into the microwave, lazily press a couple of buttons and then burn the tips of his fingers trying to open the steaming bag.

Zack looked at his blonde friend with a blasphemous look. Was the blonde being visited by Father Nature this month or something?

Nervously, Zack brought out a hand and plunged it into the bowl of unfortunate rubble that got caught in a nuclear meltdown, all without looking away from the blonde.

Warily, he popped a few pieces in his mouth and grimaced at the bitter taste of microwaving-gone-bad. He crunched on the pebbles. Zack uneasily smiled at Cloud as he made a thumbs up sign, black chunks lodged in his teeth.

Cloud beamed at how thankful Zack was for the almighty gift of his backbreaking effort at making the popcorn. He patted the others spiky head. "Good Puppy!"

They continued to play the game, Zack eating whenever Cloud urged-or more like DEMANDED- him to, the blonde not nibbling on it himself. Zack suddenly paused the game.

"Cloud?" Zack asked, testing the waters. . ."Have you ever heard of the term 'Tsundere?'" the ravenette continued slowly.

The blonde tilted his head to the side, confused. "Tifa told me something about thinking Aerith was a Yandere. . .Is that the same thing?" Cloud asked innocently.

Zack was slightly insulted. Aerith? His girlfriend? A Yandere?

"Uh, no buddy. It's not." He clarified bluntly.

"So what's a Tsundere then?" Cloud prodded. Was it a new upgrade for Fenrir?

Zack sighed. He was going to get pummeled by Cloud's small fists for this. "You." he said simply.

Cloud immedietly activated Defensive and Slightly Miffed mode. Never a good sign. Zack better not be insulting him with a fancy term he's never heard of!

"What's that supposed to mean?" he announced to the world, fist's clenched and poised to attack.

Zack returned to the television screen. "Exactly my point."

* * *

><p><strong>For those who don't know, a Tsundere is like a character whose hostile, but then shows a soft side, like Cloud just did multiple times. I don't know why, but I think Cloud would be this way with Zack a lot if he had a normal life and hadn't got screwed over so much. Yandere is when someone starts off as loving and gentle then becomes insane and has the urge to murder people quite violently. But don't you think that'd be likely for Aerith? Shot.**

**Anyway, class dismissed! xD Hope you liked this little ToR (AND IT'S FINALLY 'tidbit-ty!')! So far i'm enjoying my hiatus. Getting tons done! SPEAKING OF! **_I have a new story that includes Zack and Cloud called Spooky Tales. And for any Professor Layton fans out there, I have a new crossover featuring some characters of FFVII (yes, Zack is there)_** Check it out! I decided to leave this little bit here because I felt plain bad on the inside D: Take advantage of my pushover-ness and review! :D **

**~Sabby-Sama**


	18. Tidbits of Randomness 5

Tidbits of Randomness 5

There was no way asking outright would get him the answer he wanted. Even though it might be considered 'rude' to bring up a question like it up out of no where, whatever 'rude' meant. If there was no such thing as stupid questions, then rude questions didn't exist either.

The only strategy that would work in curbing his appetite for knowing the answer to his random little thought was using trickery. Tricksters made the world go 'round, afterall. Anyone who said otherwise was a filthy liar and didn't have the guts to be dishonest like Zack was prepared to do at any moment.

Coincidentally, that was a lesson he had tought the kids when the women in the household were out of earshot. Yuffie didn't count, despite her age. She'd never be a woman. Being a child _wasn't_ only skin deep.

Oh so sneakily, an uber high lever of sneakability only achievable by a Midgar Zolom, was needed for his deceitful plan. But he was Zack Fair, the greatest thing on Gaia and could do anything. And no, Gods don't count as being _on_ Gaia. They were somewhere in the Lifestream, or something.

Zack crinkled his brow. Where did Gods live anyways? A thought worth pondering. It was like the age old question of 'the meaning of life'. But this was Zack here, he knew the answer to the meaning of life after watching some cartoon movie with the kids about a fat pig-thing and foolish lion clubs. It had something to do with a circle of somesort.

**_Focus, Zack._ **He slapped his cheeks. Daydreaming during the most crucial point of his plan was a big no-no.

He listened. Nothing. Cloud must have been in the garage, leaving the rest of the upstairs living area deserted. The ravenette smirked. Everything was going according to plan.

Ever so slowly he opened the mirror-faced medicine cabinet. He didn't even have to look for what he was looking for, knowing exactly where it was. Cloud's fancy shaving razor (which the ravenette shared with him since he was too lazy to use the perfectly new and still packaged one in his room) imported from somewhere in Wutai was rested on the top shelf.

He couldn't help but give a diabolic, very Grinc-like grin. Razor in hand, he snuck out of the bathroom like a spy and crept into his room shared with Cloud.

All he had to do was hide Cloud's razor so the blonde couldn't find it. The only time he would take it out of the clever hiding place under the dirty clothes landmark that officially labeled Zack's side of the room was for when _he_ needed to shave.

He ended his mission with a manic cackle. Now all that was left, was to wait.

* * *

><p><span>Fast forward to 2 weeks.<span>

* * *

><p>"Tifa, I still can't found my razor!" the blonde complained, on the verge of a fullblown mantrum. She roleld her syrupy, garnet eyes, sensing said immature mantrum.<p>

"And I've told you, razors don't just magically walk out of a cabinet! Try looking again, it's probably right under your nose. That was made in Wutai, and it was really expensive." she scolded. Cloud stomped out of the bar and up the stairs grumbling moodily to himself.

When Zack saw the blonde man grudge past him, he held in a childish giggle.

So he was right! If the blonde grew a beard, it would resemble the hair on his head perfectly, down to the very last ridiculous spike!

* * *

><p>I had a smidget of time so I typed down this little ToR! Hope you all like it! I've always wondered what Cloud's beard would look like. Hmm.<p>

Anyways, review to tell me what you thought! I'm thinking about cutting my hiatus a bit short, also. But it all depends.

~Sabby-Sama


	19. Tidbits of Randomness 6

Tidbits of Randomness

Dead. Thats what the blonde was going to be when Tifa finally see's what he's done to her precious bar. Cloud knew this and tried his hardest to cover up the mishap.

For reasons unknown, Cloud had accidently created a giant hole in the drywall of the bar. One minute the cream colored, slightly peeling wall was intact, the next there was a hole that seemed to have been created by a mini Meteor

Why him? Him of all people in the household, why him? Cloud would be the last one in the whole building that would dismantle the bar's walls. Cid; definetly. Barett; ARE YOU KIDDING? Vincent; perhaps.

Even Yuffie would have some kind of Materia related incident and cause the giant boo-boo in the drywall.

Zack; ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY. It'd be 150% likely that the ravenette would do something like this. Wherever the ravenette went, disaster trailed, ironically like a devious puppy at his heels.

For example, the man would have started out brushing his teeth in the upstairs bathroom (which he HARDLY did anyways. Cheap-o gum was the answer for everything.) and somehow decide to go downstairs. He would then most likely jab the wall for fun with said toothbrush, causing the jagged edge wall.

Cloud was almost sure that Zack used his toothbrush like he used his razor too. . .

He cringed at the thought and gagged.

Briefly, the fear of getting his vital man parts removed by Tifa dissappeared with the thoughts about Zack's stupidity. Terror seized him once again. Why did blondes have to be so unfortunate? Cloud ran a hand through his wilting spikes and wimpered. Today was just NOT his day.

He stared at the hole as it stared back angrily. Maybe. . .Maybe Tifa wouldn't notice? All he had to do was move something in front of the disaster.

No, that wouldn't work. He reasoned with himself. Tifa was a woman. And women were smart and could notice a poorly disguised pit in the wall.

Footsteps were heard from above, slowly bounding down the stairs. Instantly, he thought it was Tifa. Not knowing what to do, he stood in front of the wrecked spot and smiled nervously, sweat pouring down his face in anxiety. Hopefully his scrawny body would cover it.

At first he thought the person was Marlene when she rounded the corner. Good thing Cloud didn't call out her name or he would have been Wutai Slapped by Yuffie.

"Heya Cloud! Do you know where the brownies- HOLY LEVIATHAN! Cloud, what did you do?" the young woman shrieked. He lunged at her and made a vain effort at muffling her cries.

"Shh! Don't tell Tifa!" He whispered as he looked over his shoulder, scouting for the woman. Yuffie wrestled free.

Apparently that wasn't enough persuasion to change her mind. She wanted to see Cloud SUFFER. "I'll just go to the garage and tell Tifa, if you'll excuse me!"she spun on her heel and headed in the direction of the garage.

Cloud had sneakily pick pocketed her of her materia when he was holding her in a hostage-like position. "I wouldn't if I were you." he said threatningly. Yuffie turned to see Cloud dangling one of her Materia mockingly in the air.

She had piles of the stuff, but she was greedy and couldn't be missing a single piece. He held the orb up higher and farther away from her grubby clutches.

"Take your damn brownies and go upstairs. If you tell, I WILL stick this Materia in my pants. Don't think I won't."

Yuffie ran up the stairs faster than a whirling tornado at the threat, leaving behind her gooey snack. Grinning in victory, Cloud placed the glowing orb in his back pocket for safe keeping.

So Tifa was in the garage? He figured she might be in there training. If he were right, she'll probably be in there for the next hour.

What was he going to do? He pondered all his options.

Suddenly, it hit him. In Zack's closet there was an extra board of drywall. When they built the garage there was extra so they stored it in the man's empty closet, since Zack prefered to litter the floor with his clothing.

Taking the stairs two at a time, he practically bust down the door to the shared bedroom.

The last thought the blonde had once he opened the door to the ravenettes closet was, 'Holy fucking Snowballs, Batman!'.

It took three months for Cloud's broken bones to heal from the landslide of pink, marshmallow-y goodness secretely stashed in Zack's closet.

* * *

><p><strong>Though i'd do another ToR! Don't you just love how Zack still has the ability to cause trouble, even indirectly? xD Thought I'd write Cloud doing the 'destructive' part in this fic for once. Was it good? :D I'm sorry, but I don't remember who gave me the idea of the hole in the wall! I tried looking through my PM's but I must have deleted the Message with the user and their idea by accident. So so sorry! Dx But you know who you are, awesome idea person!<strong>

** On a brighter note, I'm officialy off hiatus! I miss this fic and my reviewers too much! **_Since the 20th Chapter is coming up (I can't believe it's last this long!) I want to write something super-duper special, but i'm not sure just what yet. I have some ideas from a reviewer, but I want you guy's imput on this too! Because who knows better then the readers? So leave a Review and tell me what you thought of this chapter, AND YOUR IDEA!_

**~Sabby-Sama**


	20. Fueled Antics

Fueled Antic's

"My mouth hurts."

Cloud looked over his shoulder to stare blankly at Zack. He looked fine to him.

He turned around again to continue playing Sorry with Marlene. "If it hurts so much then you shouldn't be talking. Go away." Marlene giggled and moved her piece ahead of Cloud's.

Reluctantly, the ravenette left. Cloud sighed. He didn't feel like dealing with him today. Cloud smiled at Marlene and then stuck out his tongue at her when he moved multiple spaces ahead of hers. She pouted.

A pain-filled shout came from the kitchen, interrupting Clouds intricate mental strategy to beat the 9 year old at the board game. Not knowing who it was, he jumped up and sprinted to the kitchen. The only ones currently home were the kids, Zack and himself.

Thinking it was possibly Denzel who hurt himself, he saw Zack clutching his face in agony. Beside him was a slightly bitten grilled cheese sandwhich thrown on the bar. Cloud would have to clean up those crumbs before Tifa started to nag at him. . .

"I tried eating my lunch, but the thing hurt me!" Zack pointed at the offending cheesy, very soft and easy to bite sandwhich. while looking betrayed.

False alarm. He had accidently knocked over the game board for nothing. As he was turning around to go and fix up the board,demanded of him by a pissed off Marlene while she gave him an ear full, Zack called out to him.

"Please, oh baby, don't go!" Cloud tensed and turned around.

"How many times have I told you to stop saying that? It's not a normal thing to say!" He scolded harshly. Zack shrinked at the tone.

"B-but my teeth hurt!" he whined quietly, clutching his jaw with his hands. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"Get your coat, we're going to the dentist." he instructed. Cloud grabbed his own coat and car keys. Zack shouted out a 'No!' and ducked under one of the heavy wooden bar booth's while he clutched the legs. He gave Cloud a wide-eyed mad man like stare.

Even though he thought the way Zack was lurking under the shadows of the table was extremely creepy, he had no time for playing games.

"Come on Zack, lets go." Cloud urged like a parent running out of patience. Zack was his child who refused to go to school on the first day.

Zack shook his head, banged it by accident on the table above him and grabbed the oak leg tighter.

**_Think, Cloud think. How to get him from out under the table?_**

A light bulb flickered on. He grinned evily.

"Zack, the dentist's has all those fun toys to play with. You know, like the one with cubes and wires that you like?" Zack's ears perked up. He was listening.

"Yeah." Cloud said temptingly. "He also has those fresh chocolate chip cookies for the patients."

That was enough persuasion for the man. Without a word he scrambled from under the table and ran upstairs to get his stuff.

Denzel had appeared in the living room and was helping Marlene clean up. Cloud told them he and Zack were going to the dentist and that they should find Aerith out in the garden so she can watch them. The kids nodded and scurried out back with their aunt.

Once Zack was ready, they were off on their little adventure.

* * *

><p>Before Cloud could put the car in park, Zack had flung open the door and jumped out. He continued to skip to the dentist's office while humming happily.<p>

**_I'm gonna get cookies~!_** was his only thought, not knowing he was just a few hours away from being in an even worse pain.

The waiting portion went quite smoothly. Despite Zack fighting a child over one of the toys.

"Give it!" Zack shouted. He was cross legged on the floor, wrestling a fat 10 year old for one of those toys Cloud bribed him with back at the bar.

Said blonde was sitting a ways off, watching. He knew something bad was going to happen, and he prefered not to tangle with possible annoyed moms.

The fat child used his weight to his advantage. He planted his blubbery butt deeper into the bean bag. "No!" He shouted. "Aren't you too old to be playing with toys, old fart?"

That struck a nerve in Zack. "Old fart?" He repeated. He suddenly let go of the object, ending the tug of war. The chunky boy lolled backwards slowly like a round ball, trying vainly to keep himself upright. He failed.

Just when the boy started to burst into tears, Zacks name was called by a graying assistant. Before the child's mother could stomp over and strangle the man, Zack jumped up and dashed to the elderly woman who smiled nervously at the hyper patient. Cloud followed calmly behind, apologizing for the behaviour of his 'man-child'.

Zack had never been to the dentist before, so he didn't know what to expect to be done to his teeth. Once he saw the fancy, very expensive looking chair in the middle of the room, he immedietly plopped down on it and started fiddling with the controls. He spun the chair in different directions and reclined it and brought it back up.

He even pretended to be Frankenstein's Monster.

"Hey, Cloud! Check this out!" he shouted enthusiastically. Cloud watched him. The room was dull and didn't contain _a single_ cooking magazine for him to skim through. The only other option was for him to observe the man in the chair.

Zack's chair was reclined all the way back. An eerily calm and stoic look came across the man's face, which worried the blonde. Slowly, he brought up his chair. Halfway up he started to twitch and flail about in seizure-like ways.

Juggling between both roles, Zack exclaimed "IT'S ALIIIIVE!" He then reverted back to the blank expression and continued to twitch. He emitted low mumbling, gurgling sounds as if answering his the exclamation.

Cloud couldn't help but chuckle a bit. It _was_ kinda funny.

Before Zack could wreck the professional dentist chair, he tossed a plastic baggy with a cookie inside at his friend. The blonde figured he'd snatch it from the little bin in the waiting area just in case Zack was rowdy.

As predicted, the cookie busied the ravenette. It was hard for him to eat the cookie with the pain in his mouth, but it was a _cookie_. It HAD to be eaten.

The dentist walked in on Zack mid-hamster nibble. The surprisingly young man smiled at his patient.

Zack listened to the adults discuss the pain he was feeling while he looked on, eagerly eating his treat like the typical puppy. If Angeal weren't all the way in Wutai on vacation, he would be proud.

'Dr. Bill', as he was called around his workplace, examined Zack's chocolatey, crumb crusted mouth. Retracting his shiny examination instrument, he announced the problem.

"Cavities." He spoke. "Something you get when you eat too many sweets." he gazed at Zack scoldingly.

Cloud instantly felt his blood boiling, the dentist's words reminding him of the Snowball Incident. Feeling guilty, the ravenette tried hidding in his seat.

Something about the look on the dentist's face demanded an answer.

"I. . .Sorta have a problem. A snowball addiction. . ." Zack explained while shyly pushing his index fingers against one another. Dr. Bill 'tsk-tsk'ed him.

"Either way, we're going to have to do some work on your your teeth." Zack groaned and let his head drop back onto the seat.

"Work? I hate work. I'm too lazy of a person." he moaned gloomily. Cloud face-palmed while the dentist chuckled at the man's attitude.

"No, no. Not physical work. I'll have to drill your teeth." he said simply. Cloud felt pure joy in the terrored expression on Zack's face.

"D-drill?" Zack stuttered nervously. He invisioned a jack hammer gouging out his pearly whites. The dentist laughed.

"Don't worry, we'll numb you up and then use some nitrous oxide." He reassured. With the clueless tilt of the head from Zack, he explained.

"Laughing gas?" he asked his patient.

Zack heard that before somewhere, but didn't know what it meant. He looked to Cloud. "Wassat?" he questioned. Something popped into the blondes head and he smiled sinisterly. This would be interesting.

"Oh, nothing." the blonde replied smoothly. Zack shrugged.

"Drug me up, Doc."

* * *

><p>After the procedure, Cloud re-entered the room to see how Zack was doing.<p>

The ravenette was a mess. Drool was oozing out of his still numbed mouth, which had cotton balls galore cramed in it.

**_Those balls should shut him up for now. _**Cloud snickered to himself.

Zack was clutching onto the rests of the chair weakly as his head bobbed from side to side, as if the room were spinning. His unfocused, blurred gaze was halfheartedly casted on the blonde.

"Was the surgery a success? How do my boobs look?" Zack slurred around the cotton. The poor man had no idea it was a dental surgery performed on him, not a plastic surgery.

Playing along and wanting to mess with his drugged up friend, Cloud pretended to be sympathetic. "Sorry, buddy. They found out you were pregnant so they couldn't do it."

Zack frowned in dissapointment. The typical fan girl would have thought he looked adorable with his puffed up cheeks. He rubbed his chest lovingly, mistaking it for his stomach.

"So. . .my baby has boobies now?" Cloud chuckled at the dopey-eyed ravenette. The man looked like he was about to cry for some unknown reason.

"No, buddy. They worked on your teeth, remember?" Cloud said softly and patiently. Zack's eyes widened gradually.

"Ooooh." he drawed out. A blob of spit flew out of his mouth and soared through the air shortly, only to land on the bib still around his neck.

"How do my teeth's boobs look then?" he murmured. He tried to smile to show Cloud. "Eeee" the sound effect made more spittle fly like shrapnel.

Cloud cringed. the sight was gruesome. Blood was mixed with gooey spit. "Gorgeous, Zack. Gorgeous." Zack nodded feebly and said something like 'coolio'.

A slight pause while Zack miserably stared at cloud with his dull unfocused eyes, as if he were looking through tthe blondes soul.

Cloud shifted uncomftorably to the side, only for the raventtes gaze to follow him eerily.

"Wait, if i'm Zack, you're. . .?" Zack prompted suddenly, wanting an answer from Cloud.

"Cloud." the blonde replied. He realised for once that he was _almost_ being nice to Zack. As he leaned against the wall, Zack spoke sleepily. "Cloudy. I know you from a past life time." he stated. "Remember our kingdom in Egypt?"

Laughing loudly, he nodded. This was hilarious. If Zack was this calm after those drugs, he'd have to 'borrow' some from the dentist and sneak the medicine in Zack's food.

Zack laughed randomley. The ghoulish chortle sent shivers down Cloud's spine. As Cloud was going to snatch a pointy dental tool to defend himself from the suddenly possessed-like Zack, a knock came from the door. Dr. Bill walked in. Zack's eyes lit up.

"Hi, Docky Doc! How those rhino's of your's doin'?" he slurred. 'Docky Doc' beamed at his patient and nodded.

Cloud figured they were talking about something from after Zack woke from the anestisia and was fully doped up.

As the dentist walked over to the corner of the room and grabbed a canister of something, he spoke to Cloud about Zack's condition and intructions to keep his mouth from getting infected. The doctor hauled the metal canister over to Zack, who was oblivious.

Cloud smirked. "Laughing gas?" he asked the dentist. A chuckle was his answer. The blonde took out his phone and started to record Zack in his current unattractive state. The laughing gas was just going to make things even better.

Zack took deep breaths of the gas distrubuted by the mask as instructed by the dentist. Dr. Bill then left, saying he would check up on Zack in about ten minutes.

There was about a minute of silence before the gas took control of Zack's brain, and body.

A miscivious glint took over Zack's once fogged and confused eyes. "Hey, Cloudy." Zack called to him around the cotton. Cloud couldn't hear him, so he got closer to Zack.

"Guess what me and Tifa did last weekend." the man singsonged.

_**Oh? Zack was coming out about something? I swear, if he did something with Tifa. . .**_

Cloud clenched his teeth as Zack spoke slowly. "We. Made-" Cloud didn't have time for this.

"What!" the blonde demanded. His friend bursted into a giggling fit.

"TOAST!" the ravenette giggled some more. Cloud still felt like punching Zack in the face.

Zack stopped and suddenly turned serious. "Got ya there, didn't I Cloudy?" The blonde grunted in disgust.

That only made Zack laugh wildly again.

Cloud looked away from Zack and out the giant window in the room. Having your back turned on Zack was never good. It meant two things;

Zack could accidentaly harm himself (especially in his current state)

Or. . .He could hurt you.

Cloud wasn't so lucky.

A heavy weight suddenly attacked Cloud's back and shoulders. The blonde jerked forward from the sudden attack. He steadily stood up, knee's cracking and popping in protest.

A manic giggle was heard from above him.

"Open up, Cloudy! Looks like your teeth are ROTTEN!" Zack had sounded so silly when he would speak because of all the drugs and his mouth being slightly swollen, but now. . .Now he sounded TERRIFYING.

Zack's legs were wrapped around Cloud's lower back in a vice grip while his arms were occupied with nearly choking the poor spiky blonde.

Poking Cloud's cheek with his hand, he shouted "Open up!" Cloud did what he was told, only to bring his teeth down harshly on Zack's prodding finger.

The ravenette withdrew his hand in pain and shook it as if that'd make the hurt go away. "Ouch!" he cried. A cotton ball flew out of his mouth and bounced off the blonde's temple, leaving behind a saliva/blood mix blob.

Cloud struggled with his insane friend as he tried to jostle him off his back like a crazed bull would. The struggle led to a nearby tray of dental instruments getting knocked to the floor with a clatter. With swift dexterity, Zack snatched a lethal instrument before it hit the ground.

The blonde saw it happen with wide, scared eyes. This wasn't good. And it was ironoic how coordinated the usually clutzy man was when he was doped up!

Jamming his bitten finger past Cloud's lips, he pried his mouth open. "I SAID, open your mouth!" he demanded. With his other hand he held the weapon.

Mustering all his strength, Cloud flipped the man over his head and on the cold tile floor. Zack whooped in amusment.

"Again! Do that again!" the ravenette chanted as he scrambled up and was about to hop on Cloud's back again.

Dr. Bill decided to check up on Zack at that moment. The door opened slightly, only to be donkey kicked shut again by Zack as he tried to climp on Cloud.

On the other side of the door, the kind dentist crumpled to the floor in a heap, being officialy knocked out from the door slamming into his head.

Cloud wrestled with Zack on the ground and finally got him into a position where he couldn't move by gripping him around the neck and arms and sitting on the man's legs. It was silent for a couple of minutes as Zack tried to catch his breath. The only sound was the frantic female assistants outside the door when they found their unconcious employer.

Zack had calmed down and finally asked dumbly, "Is this real life?"

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry for the wait! I really wanted to do something special for Chapter 20, so. . .TADA! I want to thank all my reviewers and readers. You guys were my motivation to keep this going for so long, and I plan on continuing it for a while! I'd also like to thank Lartovio for this idea xD I truly hope you wonderfdul people enjoyed this cpectacular chapter. So leave a review and tell me about it! ;D<strong>

**~Sabby-Sama**


	21. Underpayed

Underpayed.

It was that time of week again. Payday.

Zack frowned down at his paycheck. He had patrolled the building for ten hours and gone on dozens of missions and all he got was 100 Gil? He couldn't feed his Snowball addiction with this! Ahem, he meant; buy a wonderful gift for his wonderful girlfriend.

After all, Cloud got seven times his amount and he called in sick all week! Which was all a lie! Fibbery!

Furious, he marched up to his mentor's office to whine and beg to have the older man's paycheck. He was under-payed because he was sexy and everyone else was just jealous!

He threw open the door. Once Angeal looked up from his intricate crotchet and at Zack through his tiny Granny specs, Zack melted into a blob of babbling, annoying goo.

"'Geal! I'm poor 'cause I'm sexy!" The ravenette cried as he hurried into the office. He threw the check on the man's desk and plopped on a nearby sofa, miserably burying his face in a pillow.

The older man rolled his eyes and spoke to his apprentice who was shedding dramatic tears onto his favorite pillow he crafted himself. He scowled at Zack's salty eye water ruining his pillow.

"Isn't that what street corners are for?" he answered the mess on the couch. Immediately Zack's shaky blubbering movements stopped, his body becoming solid with an idea.

Angeal knew he had said the wrong thing. "That's not what I meant!" he shouted before Zack could bound up and happily skip to the nearest Edge corner, as if reading his mind.

Zack sat up instead. His red, tear streaked face an ugly sight for Angeal. The older man grimaced in disgust and continued his paperwork, not bothering to look at the measly paycheck in front of him.

Before he could open his mouth to complain, or demand Angeal to reassure him by saying he _was_ indeed sexy, The Granny lifted a finger to the door that led out of his office."Sephiroth." he said. The grandchild obeyed, knowing that familiar tone meant Angeal didn't have much patience left and was about to slice his appendix out with the seemingly innocent designer fountain pen.

Grudging gloomily to the General, the Head Paycheck Master, Zack finally found out why he was so poor this week.

"Your wages were docked." The General said flatly. "Just be thankful I learned my humanity from Genesis and didn't dock everything but a penny." If it wasn't for the seriously straight face, Zack would have thought Sephiroth was trying to make a joke. Genesis having humanity? Impossible! And the redhead _would_ leave him with a stinkin' penny!

But docked? He was an angel all week and did everything he was told like a good little puppy would!

"But for why?" Zack asked. Sephiroth wanted to rub the young SOLDIER's tongue raw with a bar of soap for the improper English. Instead, he resorted to clenching the sides of the desk, nails digging into the expensive Costa Del Sol palm wood in agitation.

Removing his nails ebbed into the desk, Sephiroth brought out a folder and explained.

"The exploding toilet 'accident'," he read from a long list from within the crisp folder. "'accidentally' spray painting the lobby, 'accidentally' decking Genesis's pet hamster out the window of the fifty second story window. . ." he could continue on, but decided to stop there.

Zack had opened his mouth multiple times to object the claims Sephiroth was ticking off, but couldn't think of good excuses, so he shut it. He had told them all of those were accidents, which they were! Well, maybe the hamster one was the only accident. Genesis still wouldn't look in his direction after the death of Chunky.

Defeated, Zack left the office without speaking a word as he hung his head in shame. Sephiroth sighed in relief.

The only option left was to go see Cloud.

* * *

><p>"So, you want to join the family business." the blonde seated in the chair confirmed in a very Godfather-ish way.<p>

"Er, yeah?" Zack answered. Since when was the Strife Delivery Service a family thing? It was just the Chocobo.

Zack had explained his situation to Cloud and asked if he could help deliver some things for extra cash. And Cloud agreed. Extra help would be nice.

"You start now." Cloud said in a way that showed him and Zack had no relation whatsoever. He must have been watching to many movies lately, Zack concluded.

And off they went, Cloud slowly riding his motorcycle so Zack could keep up while on Marlene's bicycle.

If you thought the blonde was going to let the clueless, accident prone ravenette actually ride on Fenrir with him, you must be crazier than Hojo hopped up on energy drinks.

For one, it was absolutely gay. And two, Zack was bad luck. Just being near him might get you hit by a bus that somehow materializes out of nothingness.

So for Zack to be on the miniscule, basket and bell bicycle complete with the sparkly streamers on the handlebars, solved both of those problems. Cloud's manliness would be safe and Zack would get smooshed under large vehicle tires without him.

Zack forcefully wheeled the petals, trying vainly to keep up with the motorcycle only going 3MPH in a 35MPH zone, the opposing traffic staring at the odd sight. At first Zack despised the idea when Cloud firmly told him he was going on the bicycle, so the ravenette started to pla on trying to mowdown the much bigger motorcycle. But now, Zack had warmed up to the itsy-bitsy bike. Especially after how he discovered the plastic bell on the bike pissed the blonde off.

_Tink Tink!_ the faggy sounding chime came from behind the blonde. Cloud tensed his shoulders at the annoying sound.

_Tink!_ Zack tried to get his attention. The blonde stayed fixated on the road, knowing Zack's intentions.

_**TINKTINKTINKTINKTINKTINKTINK!**_

Cloud was starting to get fed up and wished he had something to chuck at the nuisance behind him. Zack grinned to himself at how much he irked his friend.

Cloud clenched Fenrir's bars tighter and gritted his teeth. The needle on the speed gauge rose ever so slightly, practically leaving the sweaty and exhausted ravenette in the dust. The man on the children's bicycle forced his noodling legs to pedal faster as to not get caught in the traffic and lose Cloud. After all, he didn't know where the package resting in the bike's sparkle coated basket was supposed to be delivered!

Eventually, after Cloud's leisurely ride and Zack's backbreaking expedition, they finally made it to their destination.

The fancy apartment building looked familiar to Zack, but he just couldn't put his finger on it. Cloud dismounted Fenrir and nudged his head in the buildings direction and then pointed to the medium sized box that hardly fit in Zack's basket.

"Gotta deliver that to Sephiroth." The blonde explained. And that's when Zack remembered the building.

Once when Zack was wasted, Angeal tried to bring him to Sephiroth's apartment -the closest building at the time- to calm down and relax. But Zack refused to go inside so instead he declared he had to 'take a piss' and marked the side of the building's lovely exterior as his territory.

Upon entering the building, the young woman at the receptionist's desk greeted Cloud by his first name and smiled. Cloud raised his hand in salutation.

"Heya, Barb." Cloud said in a friendly matter that made Zack jealous. Why was it that Cloud was so nice to young pretty ladies with ugly old lady names and he was such a meanie to him, his _best_ friend?

And why was he on such goody-goody terms with her anyway? He was gonna have to rat him out to Tifa when they get back to the bar.

They made their way across the lobby and entered the elevator. Cloud pressed the button to a floor somewhere near the top and they slowly ascended upwards, the horrendously catchy elevator music making an awkward atmosphere as Zack pondered the womans relations with Cloud.

Said blonde noticed the smoke coming out of the ravenette's ears as his brain worked over time, so he stayed silent not wanting to break the precious and rare moment in which Zack actually thought about something. No matter how pointless those thoughts may be.

The door to Sephiroth's apartment was the last one down the corridor, a strange vibe emanating from it. Zack looked to Cloud to see if he noticed. His friend seemed unfazed.

But, it was the door to Sephiroth's home. It was _supposed_ to feel intimidating. Even the silver haired General's dirty laundry had a intimidating, funky vibe drifting from it. And it wasn't because of the smell of the sweaty-from-training socks, either.

Cloud knocked. No one answered. One side of his lips curved downwards into a half-frown. Sephiroth was always home to pick up the monthly delivery. He tried the doorknob, and found that it was unlocked.

Pushing the door open quietly, he crept in. Why would the General just leave his door open? That gives fangirls access to his underwear drawer!

Zack followed the paranoid blonde in normally and quite noisily as he obnoxious clomped behind him like a cow as he read the label on the package:

OJOH'S SHAMPOO-ING HAIR PRODUCTS.

So this was Sephiroth's secret to gorgeously flowing, cliche commercial-like hair? Zack continued to read, thoroughly interested.

"_Grow hair now! Conditions, moisturizes, cleanses, smooths, de-tangles, prims! Makes the ladies love you! Does everything, except cooks!"_ It read.

Oh yeah! He was definitely ordering himself some of this! Tiny black font caught his eye and crushed his hopes of having amazing hair.

_-May give your hair an old man-ish color. Use at own risk-_

Zack paled at the thought of his hair greying. Aerith would leave him!

A worried ravenette stood inside the building with Cloud. The blonde looked around and into every room, seeking out the silver haired man.

"Shouldn't we just leave this in the bathroom?" Zack finally asked. He wanted the box out of his hands as soon as possible. Holding it by the edges by the tips of his fingers in disgust, as if the silver hair disease was contagious through the box.

Cloud shrugged, not wanting to give too much praise for Zack's semi-logical answer.

The duo was in awe once they opened the door to the humongous bathroom. Hair products GALORE. It was like a freaking beauty parlor with the variety of hair brushes, shampoos, serums, creams, mousses, sprays and at least nineteen hairdryers!

"Whoa, this is so cool-!" Zack marveled at all the colorful packaging of the jars and tubes that decorated the amazingly neat and organized mansion-sized bathroom. Until he slipped on one of those prettyful tubes.

He skid across the floor as some sort of gel squirted out of the plastic container with a farting noise, influencing his skating trip down the massive space of tiling. Flailing arms knocked down the items lined up in their pristine and orderly rows on the shelves.

They clattered to the ground, glass jars shattering and plastic bottles exploding upon impact with the floor. The whole display of splattering hair products as Zack unwillingly figure skated down the never ending length of the bathroom was almost majestic-looking to Cloud. But also frightening. What if Sephiroth happened to stroll in and witness the catastrophe currently taking place?

Zack shouted in pain as he finally collided with a wall, unable to stop himself during the slip-and-slide fiasco earlier. Cloud flinched, as if feeling Zack's pain. The ravenette crumpled to the floor in a greasy, sticky concoction heap of mousse and shampoo.

Footsteps is what brought Cloud out of his stunned daze. Heavy boots were coming from a room somewhere on the other side of the surprisingly vast apartment, and were coming towards the bathroom.

In a worried frenzy, Cloud snatched a roll of toilet paper from the little holder and crudely wrapped it around his shoes thickly. He then made a mad dash for Zack, the effective three ply paper around his shoes preventing him from slipping and ending up like his friend.

He hauled Zack up, and ran for the door as he dragged the confused ravenette who might possibly have a concussion along through the muck. Cloud chucked the package carelessly over his shoulder once he snatched it from Zack's limp grasp. Leaving a track of goop on the carpet as he exited the bathroom, Cloud finally made it to the outside of the apartment door just as Sephiroth rounded the corner of the living room and entrance to the bathroom.

Cloud sighed once they made it back outside. Marlene was not gong to be a happy child when she got her bike back covered in gunk once Zack was forced to pedal it all the way back home.

Not only was Sephiroth _extremely_ pissed at the mess that somehow happened while he disappeared for two minutes, but when he finally had to use the toilet, he cursed. Cloud had taken the toilet paper roll with him out of nervousness and left Sephiroth stranded on the toilet, paper-less.

* * *

><p><strong>Here's another chapter ^_^ I'd like to thank my awesome new Beta, Lartovio for editing this out for me! Thank You! Tell me what you thought through a review! 8D<strong>

**~Sabby-Sama**


	22. Crazed Temper

Crazed Temper

Every little innocent occurance pushed him closer and closer to the deep end.

The slow nerve wracking tick of the clock;

Toast popping out of the toaster with a start;

The upstairs toilet flushing after Cid went all out at the Mexican buffet.

He had to do _something._ He _had_ to curb that insane being in the back of his head just _screaming_ at him for what it so desired, but couldn't obtain.

Words can't describe how badly Zack wanted to shank his blonde friend with the blunt edge of the Buster Sword once he told him he was cut off. Cut off from Snowballs, that is. The only thing keeping the now slightly blubbery man alive.

The word the blonde had used was _"intervention"_. When the ravenette first heard him say that, he asked for a dictionary. Once looking up the definition(with the help of Cloud) he thought that there was no way the blonde would go through with it.

He shrugged it off with a "Chyeah, sure." and walked out.

But now he knew Cloud was serious when the snack cabinent had a padlock securely locking it, building a heartless concrete wall between him and his happiness.

Zack was too smart though (_ha!_). Walking calmly to the garage he withdrew some sharp oversized plier looking things from a tool box and tried cutting the padlock. It took him a moment of brow furrowing and grunting to realize that the plier part was too big to fit in the small loop of medal wrapped around the handles of the cabinet.

Taking the initiative, he started to whack the padlock, hoping that'd break it. Because after all, Zack was capable of doing everything and anything. That statement was proven false as the padlock stayed where it was, not even dented, forget about scratched. It swung lifelessly from the earlier abuse, as if mocking him.

"Whatever." Zack muttered to himself, thorougly pissed. All he had done was skip happily down the steps, planning on getting some breakfast only to find the damn cabinet on lockdown!

Cloud had locked him in the room he currently was in when the blonde found out the ravenette had gone to the extreme and crafted a homemade flamethrower consisting of Aerith's hairspray and Cid's lighter. Luckily, when the blonde stumbled across the stubborn ravenette, he hadn't used the flamthrower yet, as if it could've possibly melted the metal off. If anything, it would have burnt down the whole building.

Tremors shot through his body brutally, including his hands, on account of being in a sugar withdrawal. It had been three hours since cold turkey was forced upon him.

He gripped the bottom of his chair, hoping that'd stop the wretched shaking. Cloud had gone as far as to freaking restraint him to the chair with rope!

He tried to escape before, he really tried. But Vincent had run to Cloud and told the blonde about the ravenettes plans, which led him being tied to the chair.

Mumbling to himself dazedly, he combed the room with his crazed eyes. There had to be a way out, there always was. It was like those room escape games Yuffie often got fed up with.

Escaping was the only chance he had in feeding his hourly intake of sugar.

Just then, as he was contemplating jumping out the window in a moment of desperation, the Blonde Devil himself unlocked the door and walked in with a smug smile.

An evil chortle left the red-skinned, tailed and horned creatures pointy toothed mouth. He came closer to the defenseless man restrained to the piece of furniture, sharpened trident held out to skewer the human man.

But in reality, Cloud smiled and asked how Zack was doing and if he wanted something to drink. Zack scooted his chair back, only to get the leg caught in the carpet and tumble backwards. He blinked owlishly up at the Blonde Devil that only his eyes could see.

"ST-STAY BACK, SATAN!" the ravenette stuttered madly. He tried to wiggle into the nearest corner, still strapped to the seat. He only succeeding in making his jeans slip, exposing his butt crack. The feeble attempt to flail his legs in warning at the blonde just confused him further.

The blonde man tilted his head, spikes bobbing. "Zack? Are you alright?" he stepped forward to help the fallen man back up, only to have Zack shout wildly in protest. The hallucination created by Zack's sugar deprived, miniscule brain, stopped in his tracks. An image of a blonde demon and his dear friend flickered back and forth, only to puzzle the poor man further.

"It's alright, buddy. It's me, okay?" Cloud had his hands out in a gesture of peace. The apparition of the red creature disappeared, leaving a worried Cloud in it's place.

"Cloud." Zack sighed in realization. The blonde nodded reasuringly and once again tried to upright his friend. Cooperating, the ravenette was now seated straight.

Feeling guilty for seeing how distressed Zack was, Cloud contemplated letting him eat the squishy marshmallow glops again. But he quickly squashed that guilt. This was for Zack's own good. He knelt beside the ravenette, who stared down at him through unseeing eyes. Sweat was dribbling down his forehead as he shook silently.

"I need to go to Genesis's apartment to pick up some paperwork concerning missions." Cloud explained softly "Do you feel up to tagging along? I can't leave you home alone."

Zack perked up, an idea popping into his foggy brain. Preventing a creepy, conniving grin from forming, he nodded feebly in answer to the question.

Smiling softly, Cloud began to untie the drowsy feeling ravenette.

Genesis had a thing for baking. Baking meant bags and bags of sugar were sitting in the redheads pantry, begging to be consumed.

This cursed, dead weight feeling and trembling was going to dissappear once he got his greedy hands on those precious, value sized sacks of premier, crystalized sugar.

An unsettling joker-ish smirk formed on his face.

* * *

><p>The door closed to the apartment.<p>

**_Activating Mission Mode._** Zack cleverly thought with a wobbly smirk.

Genesis greeted Cloud warmly. Once he saw Zack, he frowned and turned on his heel towards the living room. Cloud followed the redhead with a shrug.

As Genesis was occupied with giving Cloud those papers, Zack saw his chance. Looking over his shoulder towards the bending corridor where living room meets kitchen, he saw the coast was clear.

Sneakily lurking into the kitchen, his eyes fixed immedietly on what appeared to be the pantry. He slithered over not-so-smoothly as an earthquake was still wracking the inside of his body.

Opening it as slowly and as quietly as he could, he sought out the bags of deliciousness. His eyes shone once he found his prize.

Summoning strength to overcome the shakiness of his hands, he ripped into the top of the paper package like a savage, a little too loudly.

"What are you doing?" an accusing voice came from the doorway.

Shoulders hunched over, Zack craned his head to look behind him, a strip of packaging in his mouth, while there was a deranged animal look in his eyes.

"Put it down. Now." Cloud demanded with a dissapointed frown. Zack narrowed his eyes.

Why did Cloud have to be such an ass? Here he was practically _dying_ because of his _stupid_ addictions _stupid_ withdrawals, all because of Cloud! He had no idea what it was like to go through this feeling, the feeling of utter **_CRAP!_**

Zack was heated, he could feel his clamy skin heat up and his shaking increase with anger.

At that moment Genesis had strolled in, wondering where Cloud ubruptly disappeared to. What the redhead saw was the usually peppy ravenette who was always happy and ready to annoy, now angry as a Chocobo caught in a downpour.

Zack's chest was heaving with his shaky agitated breaths. Finally, he couldn't take it anymore. His face scrunched up and with a shout of annoyance he punched the nearest thing to him.

Genesis's face dropped when seeing were the punch was aimed. Before he could even shout out in protest, the wired cage containing his dear pet hampster was decked by the angered man. The cage was launched into the air, the table it was currently resting on used as a type of runway. It was flung into the air until it smacked into a nearby window, shattering it.

The final sound Genesis's pet hamster, Chunky, made before it spiraled into a nose dive for the pavement below the fifty second story window was a disheartened, _"Sqweep!"_

Zack stood there, fists still balled in front of his face, teeth clenched. But his eyes showed a look of fear as he stared at the broken window.

Oh shit. . . he just decked _Genesis's_ pet hamster out the window!

"_YOU IDIOT!"_ Genesis screeched harshly at the ravenette. He then crumbled to the floor in a weeping heap.

Cloud was stunned by the Apocolypse that just flashed in front of his eyes in a mere two minutes.

As Genesis continued to cry his eyes out, Zack couldn't help but feel sorta guilty. Afterall, that little brown and furry creature was the only thing that returned the usually pissy Genesis's affection, and opened the redhead's heart.

There was no way that puny and delicate ball of fluff could have survived being punched by a mako and anger fueled SOLDIER as it plumetted to the cold concrete below.

If Genesis hated Zack before (for some reason still unknown to Zack), he was going to loathe his guts now.

Before the emotional redhead could get up and summon a fireball at his gorgeous face, Zack hightailed it out of the apartment.

* * *

><p><strong>I just have to say, writting Pissed Off Zack made me giggle a bit xD Maybe because I pictured him looking like my little cousin when he has a tantrum, I dunno x] This takes place before the last chapter, where it describes the "incident' with Gen's hamster. Review to tell me what you thought about this one! 8D<strong>

**~Sabby-Sama**


	23. Public Displays of Animalism

Public Displays of Animalism

Whoever announced that going out to dinner with everyone, was an idiot. More so that the idiot suggested a fast food joint.

That idiot... was Cloud.

Of course Tifa was all for it; that meant she wouldn't have to cook for the gang of gormandizers who stabbed each other in the hands with lethal utensils for dominance over the bowls of food.

Everyone else, not so much.

Vincent swatted a fly away as he sat miserably in front of the table that had probably never seen a germ disinfecting rag. He rested his hands on his lap as he grimaced at the table, shying away from it. Yuffie however had her head down, lips against the nasty table top as she moaned in hunger.

Grumbling, Cid brushed his hand against the hip of his jeans, where his cigarettes were located. Barrett was -surprisingly- playing Restaurant Eye Spy with the children as Aerith watched with a soft smile.

Nothing could _possibly_ go wrong at a family trip to Chocobo King for lunch.

A man with a red plastic tray piled high with wrapped burgers and fries headed towards the long stretching table everyone was seated at, face obscured by the wax paper-wrapped grease bombs.

Yuffie picked up her head at the sound of the careful footsteps of the man trying to keep everything from toppling off the tray. "Thank Leviathan, FOOD!" The tiny ninja cried out.

A pale face along with blonde spikes poked out from the side of the tower. "Huh? This is for me." Cloud said as he set the tray down and slid into the booth next to Tifa. There was enough food on the tray for the entire ShinRa Army!

The young woman dropped her head back down with a dramatic sigh and whimpered. She would die from starvation before she got her food!

As if reading his other half's mind, Vincent patted her back soothingly, "It's alright. I have a phoenix down." Yuffie smeared her face into the table some more. "And another thing," he added, "Don't put your face on the table." His voice was thick with disgust. Yuffie complied and brought up her now sticky face.

Cid gaped at the tower of fat and grease. "That ain't for you Spikey!" the pilot protested in shock, "Ya can' t even finish half a bowl of mac n' cheese!"

Shrugging, the other blonde began to unwrap a triple-decker burger and take a bite out of it, his mouth widening to an unnatural size that could easily accomidate Barret's 'fat' head. (As he was often teased by Yuffie and sometimes even Marlene.)

"Cloud loves fast food." Tifa explained as she smiled lovingly at the blonde man stuffing his face next to her.

Everyone's attention was turned away from Cloud as a certain ravenette called out to the group.

"Hey guys!" he called enthusiastically. He tried waving his head as he would with his hand in greeting, for his hands were full. Thankfully, Zack had the rest of the crew's food with him. But sadly, Zack was a world renowned KLUTZ.

And the mischievous ravenette knew this just buy how everyone had their eyes trained on him nervously. One slip up and they would all have to wait another whole half hour for their order because of the slower-than-molasses employees.

Suddenly, a -mock- horror expression flashed across Zack's face as he slipped and swerved about on the crumb-ladden tile.

They watched in shock as the klutz with the two left feet known as Zack was about to drop the delicious heart attack-inducing necessities that sustained their very lives.

He shook the tray and grinned as everyone stared at the trembling stacks of fast food, completely frozen. Zack stopped and stood up straight with a cocky smirk.

Daggers were shot at him for goofing around with their food.

"'Yer an ass!" Cid swore at him. Aerith hit him disapprovingly on the arm for using such language in front of the kids.

Zack just rolled his eyes. These old coots never want to have any fun!

As he distributed everyone's meals, Cloud started to crack jokes about the ravenette becoming a waitress. As the blonde was about to vacuum a chicken nugget in his mouth, Zack shoved it down his throat in response to the jokes.

Seated next to Aerith, Zack took his beverage and was about to cap it until she stopped him.

"Babe, what kind of drink did you get. . .?" the brunette asked at the sight of the murky toxic waste that was in the raventte's paper cup.

The cap was now on and a straw inserted. He took a sip. "Oh, just a little something I created." he said breezily. He gestured pridefully at the cup. "Ya know, a bit of Moogle-Aid, Diet Mako-oo, and some fruit punch."

Cloud's gagging, thanks to the chicken nugget lodged in his windpipe, increased at the disgusting concoctions ingredients. Tifa quickly started to pat him on the back as if she were burping a baby. Those 'pats' were so rough and strong that the chicken nugget everyone forgot Cloud was choking on flew out of his mouth and hit the Germ Freak seated across from him smack on the lips. The mucus covered, deep fried chunk of poultry shaped like a crown blobbed off the red-eyed man's mouth slowly.

Not even waiting to ask Yuffie to politely move so he could get out of the booth, Vincent scrambled on top and then over her, elbowing Barrett in the nose on the way while his cape slapped Cid in the face. He rushed to the bathroom, no doubt going to scrub the blondes germs off his mouth, while his lips were clamped shut, afraid of accidentally tasting the mucus.

Denzel and Marlene giggled while Cloud looked the other way, embarrassed.

The disgust induced silence was cured when a straw wrapper was shot at Cloud and bounced off his ear.

Barrett shielded Marlene as Aerith copied his actions with Denzel from the soon-to-be missiles. This was not going to be good.

Cloud turned his head slowly to glare fireballs at the innocently grinning ravenette with the straw held up at his lips.

He had officially declared war. Swiping up a straw from a pyramid containing fifty trillion of the plastic tubes, acquired and fashioned by the man currently trying to act adorable.

Ripping the end of the paper packaging savagely with his teeth, Cloud aimed and fired the paper, hoping to hit the other man in the eye.

It went back and worth, straw wrappings whistling through the air like deadly artillery until someone shouted angrily or howled out in pain.

The straws were thrown carelessly on the table as their hands snatched for more ammunition. Marlene and Denzel collected the discarded tubes to connect together to build one big straw and tried to use it to drink from some strangers cup off to the side of them. Tifa scolded them and apologized to the slightly pedophilic looking man whose drink was getting harassed by the jumbo straw.

Eventually, Zack got fed up at the fact he was losing and tried to kick Cloud in the knee under the table.

Obviously, he missed by a long shot and kicked Barret instead. Barrett grunted and lashed out to kick him back. Instead, Yuffie caught the blow. She screeched like a banshee, her ninja reflexes kicked in and she brought her foot straight into her worse enemy's shin.

"Gah, ya-!" Tifa shot Cid a death glare in warning. He payed no heed. "-fuckin' brat!" Cid finished with the swear.

Tifa ended the kicking train with an under-table-roundhouse at Cid. Thankfully, that also stopped the Duo's childish stare down.

"Can't we just ever go out in public without acting like a bunch of animals?" Tifa shouted at the table full of children. Strangers turned to stare at the red faced woman, including Vincent who just returned from rubbing his face raw and was currently confused.

She abruptly sat back down after suddenly standing in anger and accidentally hit Cloud's elbow who was again stuffing his face. He started to choke yet again on a fry.

Zack looked down at his meal shamefully and dunked a tender once into a multitude of different sauces. The only sound was noisy, cattle-like chewing. Aerith observed her boyfriend carefully dunking his food into the various condiment containers.

"Why don't you just combine them all together?" she asked innocently. Zack's eyes light up at the very smart suggestion.

"That's why I love you, Babe!" Zack exclaimed as he quickly went to work of mixing the sauces like a scientist.

His experiment beaker for the mixing of sauces was his beverage cup.

With the muck colored liquid still inside.

Everyone groaned in disgust and quickly averted their eyes. Zack looked around quickly, was there a naked Genesis somewhere that caused the disgusted gurgles? He would have to take a picture!

Seeing no bare redhead to photograph and blackmail Zack continued to eat. Cloud took a peek of Zack just as the ravenette was swishing a Warker about in the... slime.

"Dude that's gross, you creep!" the blonde said with a grimace that flared his nostrils out like a miffed Moogle.

As Zack was about to protest, he somehow knocked the paper cup over, the lumpy discolored contents spilling and covering on Cloud's tray in gunk.

That was his food! He didn't even finish half of it yet. Now he was going to STARVE!

He threw a fry covered in the goo javelin style at Zack. Unfortunately, the fry poked an old man's eye all the way at the other end of the fast food joint.

"Argh!" the man shouted while he held his eye in pain as the salt started to burn and make is his eye sizzle.

"Alfred!" a young man next to him shouted. The senior citizen apparently named 'Alfred' started to howl in pain and agony.

Tifa gathered her purse and plucked a chicken nugget from Marlene. With a sigh as she bit into the chicken, she stated "I'll be in the car. Exchange insurance information with that man. I expect you two to come and be in the car when you finish with an apology." Everyone but Cloud and Zack followed her out

* * *

><p><strong>WAAAY OVER DUE! I'M SORRY! D: I hope the humour and lovely imagery makes up for the absence? Thinking about putting a little ToR next, expect it to be very itty bitty, but chuckle worthy ^_^ I'd also like to thank my wonderful Beta, Latovio for always putting up with me, Cloud and Zack. xD<strong>

**'till then, Review and tell me your thoughts!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	24. Tidbits of Randomness

Tidbits of Randomness

He was so excited, he could pee himself.

Jumping from foot to foot excitedly, he fixed his hair to spike like porcupine quills.

**_Perfect._**

Bowtie adjusted, one shoe placed on the wrong foot, and currently wrestling with the other darn dress shoe that just wouldn't fit onto his other foot, he was just about ready.

Sneaking another glance into the mirror he grinned and practiced his lines in his head over and over again while making a variety of facial expressions. If he screwed up for real, _he_ would be the one getting decked out the window.

Before he left his room, he ran an extra handful of Aerith's hair gel that he "borrowed" through his coal toned quills.

Finally, Zack dragged the unwilling peace offering who wouldn't stop shouting and kicking at him out the front door, and pushed it into the car.

The prisoner in the car -captured by Zack- wailed out in dread. Oddly, it resembled the ambulance that rushed past them, most likely containing dear old Alfred whose eye was now permanently effected by the sodium saturated french fry that caused his eye to sizzle and frizzle like Pop Rocks in soda.

* * *

><p>Knocking on the door in a rythym made to sound peppy and joyous, Zack cracked his face with the fake, sponsor-like smile. His arm was wrapped around the offering's neck in a headlock while his hand was placed over its mouth to silence it. That just made the feisty thing angrier, which resulted to it trying to nip at Zack's hand. The ravenette just tightened his grip around the creatures neck, the creature grunted in suffocation.<p>

From inside, Genesis slammed down his gallon of coffee flavored ice cream with potaoto chips that he added himself just for that extra _zing!_ of flavor.

He slunk towards the door in nothing but his robe and typical red-leather combat boots. Whoever was interrupting his damn sulking time was going to get a hard kneeing to The Area; male or not.

And if it were Sephiroth or Angeal... Well, they would be getting the _special_ treatment.

The minute he threw opened the door, he noticed the fake smile and pristine suit, not the person wearing it or the person he had in a headlock.

_**Why won't these damn door-to-door sales man go away? **_he thought._** Don't they know I don't want any of their fucking dinky-cheesy calculators!**_

Before he could slam the door in the harassers' faces, Zack yelled out obnoxiously.

"Heya, Gen!" the ravenette shouted a little to loudly and robotic-like. The redhead cringed and glared at the younger man with slitted eyes.

What was HE doing here? He was never any good. Zack was annoying, aggravating, absurd and. . . smelled funny.

That overwhelming peeing-in-pants feeling was _rushing_ back to Zack.

Good thing he put on an extra pair of undies today or Vincent's only normal -yet fancy- pants would be ruined. "May I interest you in this wonderful pet Chocobo today? Free of charge!"

Zack brought up the sacrifice who was previously slumping against his legs and resting on his foot up by the neck, choking it yet again. Cloud grumbled and shook his head, trying to stab Zack with one of the spikes. Zack restrained the shorter man so he couldn't fidget.

The redhead watched the peculiar thing happen with one eyebrow cocked and the other slanted down in intrigued confusion. With the frozen, android like smile as he strangled his friend, Genesis nearly expected the ravenette's head to twitch suddenly to the side in response to a short circuit in his programing.

He tried to back up into his apartment, only to find the ravenette creepily step forward mechanically. Giving the ravenette a mix between a leer, grimace, and a _'get the hell away from me'_ look, the redhead retreated farther into his apartment and slammed the door right into poor Cloud's face, resulting in an ominous crunching sound. Zack had stuck out the blondes delicate, bruise-prone face out to stop the door from closing. Obviously, he failed.

* * *

><p><strong>Just a little something something! When one of my reviewers, Saria(I believe its Saria13?) gave me the idea of Zack getting Gen a replacement pet. So yep, tada! Kinda like a litle continuation to the whole Chunky thing xD As you can see from Genesis's bummy icecream eating, he's still in depression from losing his hamster xD Once again edited by <span>Lartovio<span>, who nearly had a spazm and a half for being 'late'. It's fine, really! ^_^ Anyways, review to tell me what you thought!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	25. Help

**Help**

"That's enough you two! Knock it off!" Tifa shouted.

The duo stopped immediately and smiled sheepishly at the angered woman. Zack released the greasy box containing the last slice of Del Sol pizza. Cloud greedily hugged the cardboard to his chest like a savage, with a Grinch-like smile slowly forming on his face. He finally won in a game of Tug o' War!

"I'm sick of you two fighting all the time!" Tifa spat, thoroughly pissed. Aerith was by her side, arms crossed and a disapproving frown on her face as she nodded in agreement. "You're worse then Cid and Yuffie!"

As if on cue, a southern accent bellowed, "Get outta my room, ya' two by four!" And then an object could be heard hitting a wall.

Some one squealed back an, "I am VOLUPTOUS! Just ask Vinnie!", followed by the sound of a shuriken slicing through the air.

Smoothing down his disheveled hair, thanks to Cloud whacking him earlier, Zack muttered a measly apology.

"We've decided that we're going to get you some help." Aerith announced. The mass of tangled limbs stiffened as their owners eyes widened in horror.

Zack tried to free himself. As he squirmed free from under Cloud's butt, he raised himself from the flipped over couch.

"But Aerith-!" He protested. The woman raised her hand to silence him.

"No buts." She said with finality.

"But you promised I wouldn't going back to that mental psychologist!" He whined anyways.

Cloud rolled the cold slice of bread and sauce and chomped it. His hunger was preventing him from being scared shitless about whatever _'help'_ they were going to receive.

Tifa shook her head. "No, we've made an appointment for you two to go see a marriage counselor." The garnet-eyed woman explained.

The ball of chewed up grease stuck to the inside of the blonde's throat, not fully making it's journey.

Zack and Cloud shouted over each other, "Marriage counselor?" Cloud shouted. "We're not married!" Zack exclaimed. "Or gay!" They added. Cloud gagged and wheezed around the pizza lodged in his throat in astonishment.

Aerith shrugged. "The way that you two act, someone would think you were involved in an _abusive_ relationship. Plus, he's also a therapist."

"Basically, we're getting our Gil's worth at a chance of peacefulness around here." Tifa finished rather bluntly.

Cloud stood "We don't _have_ 'problems'. He _makes_ them." He pushed Zack forcefully out of his way as he strode to the kitchen for a glass of juice. Zack yanked the pale ear behind the tuft of blonde spikes.

Tifa pulled the collar of Cloud's shirt before he could tackle Zack, "No, no." She scolded.

"This is exactly what we're talking about." Aerith said as she glared at Zack. The ravenette raised his hands and pointed to the blonde in a _'He started it!' _gesture.

"Thank Gods their appointment is today..." Aerith muttered to Tifa. The dark haired woman nodded.

"TODAY?" The men shouted.

* * *

><p>They sat as far away from one another as possible. Cloud was in one chair pushed all the way against the wall, in the corner. He noticed with a grimace that the yellow paint that was supposed to be soothing was like the inside of the toilet bowl after Zack went into the bathroom. And didn't flush. LIKE ALWAYS.<p>

Said unhygienic ravenette was practically perched on his chairs armrest, almost perfectly matching that beach scene from the original Karate Kid. Just without the hectic kicking. That wouldn't be pretty.

The counselor/therapist noted the duo's, -_not_ couple's- behavior. He removed his glasses and looked at the two back and forth, since they were on opposite sides of the room. "So, what seems to be the problem?" The man's voice was as calming as the deceiving mellow hue of the room's walls.

Cloud mumbled an incoherent 'nuttin' childishly as his fist was smushed against his cheek. Zack grunted in agreement, the action wobbling his balance.

The therapist sighed. Zack's eyes were suddenly drawn to the colorful Dippy Bird's hypnotic movements. His eyes followed it as the bird set itself upright, and then slowly drifted back down to drown itself in the pool of water.

"Okay..." the silence made the therapist uncomfortable. Normally, his patients would immediately begin ranting and complaining while foaming at the mouth the minute they sat down. "How about I start?" He suggested.

For the first time ever, the two men were silent.

"How did this all start? Cloud?" The counselor prompted. The blonde pointed to the ravenette without removing his eyes from a crevice in the wall.

The greying man turned his head in the other direction, "Zack?"

Zack took a shaky breath and looked into the therapists eyes. The counselor was startled to see tears brimming the electric blue surrounding the man's pupils.

"It's all because of Cloud." He responded shakily, sounding uncharacteristically depressed.

Cloud straightened his back. "Me?" He yelled. "What did_ I_ ever do to _YOU_?" The ravenette was the one always causing him trouble!

The therapist hushed him quickly. "Mrs. Fair," the therapist started scoldingly.

Mrs. Fair? What the HELL? They weren't married! Didn't Tifa tell him this when she made the appointment? And even _if_ he was in a relationship with Zack, HE would be the man wearing the pants!

"You remembered what we talked about earlier, about interrupting?" The man went on maliciously. Cloud paled, hands immediately clawing at the 'accessory' around his wrist.

There was a reason why this man was the best counselor in Edge, he used bracelets that emitted bolts of electricity to have his patients behave. How inhumane was _that_?

Now that Cloud was silent, the therapist gave an encouraging nod to Zack to continue. "Mr. Fair."

Zack started to speak woefully "Well, It all started back when I was a SOLDIER second class, and Cloudy was just a little Infantryman..."

* * *

><p>"Hey, Gen" Cloud greeted his redheaded friend, as they did their new swag-a-licious handshake.<p>

Even though Cloud just started his lowly position a week before, he and Genesis had become close.

"You know who Zack is, right?" the redheaded literature maniac suddenly asked, a glint in his eyes.

The blonde thought for a moment, "That dude who's Angeal's protege?"A smirk and a nod answered the blonde.

Genesis was looking awfully suspicious...

"Why do you want to know?" Cloud asked cautiously as he eyed the older man.

"I want to play a little...prank, on him." He started to chuckle to himself. Cloud just shrugged at the insane outburst. Genesis was known to despise the ravenette.

"Sure, what do you have in mind?" he asked. Genesis bent down to the shorter boys height and whispered his plan into his ear. Cloud snickered when Genesis pulled away.

That brilliant idea was going to crush that ravenette's cocky, overconfident ego. Maybe it'll even knock some sense into him so he would act more like his age instead of his shoe size.

Once night had fallen, the halls of the Shinra employee's living quarters were dark and confusing like a never ending abyss.

Somewhere along this hallway abyss, was Zack Fair's room.

Cloud lugged all the materials they had gathered earlier that day like the midget pack mule he was. Genesis crept the halls slowly in front of him, his mako enhanced eyes aiding him in the darkness. His leather boots didn't make a sound as he floated above the floor.

The blonde, however, was a different story.

He lugged the big bag filled with all the objects as it made loud clunky sounds. He winced at how loud everything seemed to be when he was trying to be sneaky.

Something rolled out of the bag and into Cloud's clumsy path. Being at a disadvantage since he couldn't see in the dark, he tripped over the item and face planted into the ground.

Genesis whipped around and hissed between his teeth for the blonde Infantryman to be quiet. And if not, he would have to toss Cloud into a training room with a Level 100 Cactuar. Cloud quickly got up and placed the fallen item back into the bag. Genesis was known for his harsh -and_ bizarre_- punishments on lowly Infantrymen.

Coming to a door decorated with shiny stickers (which went against the dorm rules), Genesis knelt down and picked the lock. The redhead snuck in.

Cloud stayed outside the room and patiently waited for Genesis to return. Even though he had to be silent and prevent the floor from creaking underneath him, he couldn't help but shift nervously from foot to foot.

They were _kidnapping_ a SOLDIER! A Second Class one, at that. And if that wasn't enough, his mentor Angeal was like Zack's other _very_ large and _very_ burly father!

Why did he even agree to this? It's not like the ravenette directly annoyed him. Just _in_directly.

For example, Zack had annoyed the redhead one day by switching the sugar with salt. Genesis was not pleased when he took a sip of his coffee that afternoon. For the rest of the day Genesis was a moody teenage girl and took it out on Cloud.

He scratched his forehead with his hyperactive twitching hand that was pulsing from anxious adrenaline.

The realization of how creepy this situation he was stuck in was hit him like a sack of steel bricks when Genesis strolled back out of the ravenette's dorm room.

The redhead exited the room with the six foot something man slung over his shoulder, just dangling there.

"Genesis!" Cloud whispered. "He can't just walk around with him like that!" It never really occurred to Cloud before how they would actually manage bringing the man to the Lobby without waking him.

He titled his head. "Why not?"

The blonde stumbled for an answer "What if he wakes up? You are carrying him like a bag of meat or something!"

Genesis shrugged. The snoring man moved with the action. Cloud gritted his teeth and prayed that it wouldn't wake up Zack. Thankfully it didn't.

If anything, it just increased the chainsaw sound emanating from the ravenette. Zack slept like a drugged up Chocobo.

Cloud sighed and followed after Genesis who was now parading to the elevator with an odd limp from under the weight of the SOLDIER.

As the sun appeared that morning, along with the corporations workers, plan _'Zack's Embarrassment'_ began.

Mmm, was that pancakes he could smell? He licked his lips and started to awake from the state of deep sleep.

He blinked a few times and wiped his eyes as he yawned and stretched. He tried to tuck his foot back into bed since it felt like it was hanging off in the air.

Zack's eyes shot open and he jumped. Snickers and rude laughing was coming from below him.

His thoughts went in this order;

**_Sweet! I was sleep flying!_**

**_Wait, no! I'm going to fall and splat into a sexy puddle!_**

"Get me down!" He shouted his final thought in panic as he flailed about, restrained. Cloud and Genesis were in the crowd below him, laughing along to the SOLDIER's fear.

All of Cloud's feelings of guilt went out the window along with Zack's dignity. After all, how can you not laugh at a sight like this?

Zack was suspended in mid air, connected only to a bungee cord strapped to the center of the hand rail that lined the edges of the second floor as a safety precaution. What made it worse was that it was in the main lobby, which that was right at the entrance of the building.

Every distressed movement made the bungee cord wiggle and sway crazily as he bounced from side to side.

But that wasn't all.

Cloud and Genesis had tore apart Sephiroth's unusually vast wardrobe searching for the embarrassing pink Lolita dress he had somehow decided to wear to the Shinra Christmas party that year. They also bought a princess crown and lipstick. Clunky clown shoes accented the whole outfit flob.

Zack was dressed as so. The pink, itchy looking dress was tossed on over his blue footsie PJs The lipstick was smeared all across his face in a gruesome Joker-ish fashion. The clashing cheeto orange (and probably just as crusty) clown shoes were thrown on his feet, while the bedazzled crown was tangled in his bed-head spikes.

He was now bouncing wildly from side to side now, still not realizing he wasn't getting down anytime soon.

* * *

><p>The therapist leaned back in his chair, aghast.<p>

"Cloud...You are horrible." the therapist spoke slowly, still trying to comprehend everything Zack just gushed out.

Zack's shoulders shook and he sniffled. "And since then, I've never been the same." the ravenette concluded, increasing the one attendant to his pity party's hate and disgust towards Cloud.

"Wh-what? I am not horrible!" Cloud protested as he hit the armrest.

"Now Cloud, no need to get angry-" the counselor tried to calm him down. His hand was hovering over the remote that controlled the electrocuting bracelets.

Cloud stood, "It wasn't like that! He's exaggerating!" he shouted, getting worked up. Why did Zack have to be such an ass like that? "It was all Genesis's idea, I hardly did a thing!" The blonde's angry rant ended in him making a peculiar gurgling sound and collapsing to the floor, as he went through a fit of spasms.

The remote was in the grey-haired therapists hand, a satisfying look in his eyes. Zack's eyes went wide as he saw his friend flopping around like a fish out of water.

"That...was so cool!" Zack claimed. Cloud deserved it for being such a douch, anyways.

They watched as Cloud shakily rose himself as if he were drunk. He feebly succeeded in swiping the other remote that controlled Zack's bracelet from the therapists desk. Jabbing his thumb manically on the button, Zack tipped off his chair and started to convulse on the ground.

Stunned into silence, the counselor could only watch helplessly. They were far beyond help, they...they were animals!

And the poor man had a right to fear for his own life and safety.

Zack took the remote into his hands after weakly going over to the desk. The older man behind it did nothing to stop it.

Pressing the button, Zack watched as Cloud flopped over and gripped the desk as electricity surged through his body. He gritted his teeth and reached out for the dipping bird that was oblivious to the whole scene as it happily continued to drown itself.

The ravenette watched curiously. What was this chocobo head doing?

Cloud stumbled as he attempted to get closer to Zack, the seemingly harmless decoration clutched in his hand. His friends blue eyes were full of evil intent.

The beak sliced through the air so fast it almost broke the sound barrier like a whip. A howl of pain.

The howl of pain did not come from Zack, the intended target.

Clasping his shoulder in agony, the therapist stumbled backwards and into the bookcase that stood behind his desk, filled with heavy looking books.

As if getting nailed in the shoulder by a plastic bird wasn't already painful enough, getting a concussion from an unhealthy amount of Dictionaries and Encyclopedias would do the trick.

He dropped to the floor, a complete dead weight. The thick mahogany bookcase swayed, but thankfully stayed upright.

"You know I hardly did anything, right Zack?" Cloud asked heartfeltly as he launched a Newton Balls display at the ravenette. Zack dodged, his lower lip begining to twitch again.

"No one told you to follow along with Genesis! I don't even know why he hates me..." Zack whimpered as he bent to pick up more ammo; a.k.a the coma-inducing books of knowledge. Zack accidentally grabbed the therapist's nose as his face began to appear from under the mountain of paper and leather covers.

Cloud just shook his head, carefully eying the books Zack was collecting. "Well, I don't hate you. You're my best friend. You know that, right? I actually kinda hate that I didn't stop Gen." Cloud added. "After all, that prank changed you, like you said. If it wasn't for you getting humiliated, you might have actually been normal now instead of an immature ten year old in a grown man's body."

Thankfully, Zack chuckled at that like Cloud hoped.

"Am I really your best buddy?" Zack asked carefully. Cloud rolled his eyes.

"No, sorry. I lied." he replied sarcastically. Zack's eyes widened in hurt. "It's that creepy next door neighbor of ours." Cloud finished.

Zack snickered, finally getting the joke. Their neighbor was extremely odd.

Zack suddenly stepped forward. Cloud shielded his face from Zack, thinking he was going to get attacked by one of the slightly bloody books.

Instead, Zack squeezed him in a bear hug. "D'aww, Cloudy. I love ya man." he gushed. "No homo." He added in a serious tone.

"I'm just going to treasure this moment of peace before we start going at each others throats again." Even though Cloud said it in a joking tone, it was the truth.

Apparently, Zack thought so too. "Hell yeah!" he agreed.

They continued to hug it out while their therapist was being crushed in the background by fifty two Encyclopedias.

* * *

><p><strong>I haven't updated this in sooo long! Sorry, sorry! Dx By the way, keep yer eyes peeled for a Christmas special coming up veeery soon! Hopefully, if things go according to plan, I'll have it up on Christmas Eve :3<strong>

**But for now, leave a review with your thoughts about this chapter!**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	26. Christmas Stress

Christmas Stress

Everyone finished picking a paper out from the red Santa hat. Some of their faces crinkled in disgust when they saw the name written on their paper, while others grew a devilish grin on their face.

Christmas was a week from now, and everyone in the household decided it'd be fun to shake things up this year with a little game of Secret Santa. Now it was three days before Christmas Eve. And Cloud still hadn't got a gift for the person he was being a Secret Santa for; Tifa. He realized this when he and Zack were goofing around in their shared room.

"I wonder who they're wrapping gifts for?" Zack mused to himself. Aerith and Tifa were both downstairs somewhere, gift wrapping. The duo had been sent to their room because they were forbidden from taking a peek.

"Marlene and Denzel?" Cloud guessed as he carefully balanced another card atop of his impressive house of cards.

Zack shook his head. "No, they finished wrapping their gifts last week. And even if they hadn't, why wouldn't they let us watch as they wrapped them?" he asked, surprisingly logically

Cloud was just about to finish the impressive house that he had been working on for the last hour. Just this last king of spades...

"THATS IT!" the ravenette shouted enthusiastically. He jumped up, causing a gust of wind that made the card house teeter and fold in on itself, resulting in a messy pile of cards.

Cloud gritted his teeth and balled his fists into his spikes in frustration.

"The Secret Santa thingy, remember?" Zack asked innocently, oblivious to his blonde pals aggrivaition. "They're our Secret Santas!" He face palmed in a 'duh!' fashion. Why hadn't he realized that earlier?

"Oh shit!" Cloud exclaimed as he too slapped his own hand over his pale forehead. Tifa's gift!

Cloud moaned as he put his hand down. "I forgot all about it. I didn't get Tifa anything yet!"

"Oooh, that's bad." Zack chuckled. "That's why I made Aerith a card. Simple!" He smiled cunningly and folded his arms across his chest.

Cloud rolled his eyes.

Just the other day. yesterday in fact, Zack was in a frantic frenzy when he realised Christmas Eve, when everyone was supposed to exchange gifts, was in a few days.

Cloud had found his raven-haired friend that day in Marlene's room, lying on her fluffy white throw rug, scribbling away on a folded piece of neon green construction paper. To Cloud, Zack looked utterly pathetic as he crudely created his last minute gift like the cheap boyfriend he was.

"I'm not cheap!" Zack had protested while he wrote 'I LOVE U!' in alternating red and green crayon. "Just sentimental. Homemade gifts are from the heart and better than anything from the store, you know." he added. And anyways, didn't Cloud know it saved wrapping paper and tape by just making a simple card? It'll especially save all the hassle of winding the paper around a gift, especially after last year's incident...

Snorting, Cloud answered back with, "Aerith is going to be super dissapointed. She really wanted a Crock Pot."

Zack cringed at the mention of the cooking utility "Have you ever had Aerith's cooking? I'm sorry, but I don't want to stimulate her urge to make more Surprise Stew!" he muttered in disgust.

Marlene, who was dressing a doll beside her favorite uncle, gasped.

Before the little girl could run down the stairs and tattle on him to Aerith, Zack clasped his hand over her mouth like a hostage and whispered, "This stays between you and me, alright? If Auntie Aerith hears about this she'll kick me so hard in the no-no spot I won't be able to bike with you anymore."

The young girls eyes widened in horror at the thought. She loved to chase Zack on her mini tricycle!

She quickly nodded her head and zipped her lips. "I won't!" she chirped convincingly. Zack smiled and patted her on the head.

Zack went over to the hardly used hamper in the room and brought out the completed card from its hiding spot. He shoved it in Cloud's face mockingly.

"Can't you cut straight Zack? The front cover looks more like a triangle than a rectangle!" Cloud exclaimed at the card obviously made without much talent.

Pulling the card protectively to his chest, Zack defended himself. "It's not my fault they almost held me back in kindergarten 'cause I couldn't cut right!"

Shaking his head, Cloud sighed. You learned more and more about Zack, even when you thought it was already impossible by how much he talked about himself.

"Do you have any idea what to even get her?" Zack asked, suddenly changing the subject. He tossed the card back into the hamper, only to get crumpled.

Cloud flicked a playing card and watched it as it skittered across the table and shot right into the empty card pack. "I don't even know. I don't want to get her something crummy compared to whatever spectacular gift she has in mind for me." he answered glumly. Knowing Tifa, she'd probably buy him another Fenrir.

"Hmm, I got an idea!" Zack exclaimed as he hopped up from his cross-legged position on the floor "I'll just go downstairs and see." he answered simply.

"I don't think they'd just let you-"

Zack waved his hand rudely at him. "Shush, I got this!" he reassured him in a sing-song voice.

Cloud stayed in the room as Zack sauntered over to the top of the stairs. The blonde heard the other man hollared down, "HEY! CAN I GO TO THE BATHROOM?"

From downstairs, Cloud could hear Aerith yell back, "I don't know, can you? Or are you having those problems again?" she and Tifa giggled from somewhere on the first floor.

"NOT FUNNY!" Zack shouted back, embarrassed. The whole household didnt need to know about that!

"Nice try, Zack. There's a bathroom up there!" Tifa called impatiently.

Zack slunked back into their room in defeat and shut the door.

"Did you see anything?" Cloud asked sarcastically. Since when would a plan formed by Zack actually work?

"Negatory." the ravenette confirmed.

Cloud thought for a moment. What did women like? Especially someone like Tifa...

New gloves? No, thats a cheesy gift. . . Oh, a gift card to one of those Wutain Massage places! That won't be a good idea, Tifa just might punch the masseuse in the jaw for feeling on her or something. But Tifa does like jewelry. That'd be perfect! She treasures the tear-drop earrings she always wears given to her by her father. Maybe Cloud could find a beautiful bracelet to match?

Grabbing his wallet and coat, Cloud announced, "I know what to get her!" and quickly rushed out the door. He was a man on a mission.

* * *

><p>"Whoa, is this the North Pole?" Zack marveled, jaw dropped.<p>

To little children (and grown men with the mentality of one), it was. Santa was still visiting the Edge Mall, asking little kiddies what they wanted for Christmas as he 'ho-ho-ho'-ed almost wickedly.

The gargantuan North Pole set-up was in the middle of the mall. There was a giant gingerbread mansion complete with gumdrop roof tiles and licorice window drapes. The garden was covered in fluffy fake snow and was fenced in. Children were throwing tantrums in the line for waiting over two minutes as they waited to sit on the fat, disguised pedo's lap.

A strange snorting sound attracted Zack's attention. He ran around the side of the fake gingerbread house and stopped cold when he reached the back of it.

"Look, Cloudy! Mooses!" the man exclaimed as he gripped the fencing that penned in the many 'mooses' excitedly and hoped up and down in glee. They were HUGE!

Cloud glanced over, unintrested in the herd of moose wearing fake reindeer antlers upon their heads, over the already exsisting ones. Cloud shook his head. Why not get regular reindeer? This ghetto attempt of incognito moose was just pathetic.

"Meese." Cloud wrongly corrected the ravenette.

Zack looked _down_ at the shorter man with pleading eyes. "Cloudy, can you buy me it?" he asked, sticking his lower lip out for emphasis.

Cloud made the most deadpanliest deapan face in the history of deadpan faces. "I left the buy-one-get-one free coupon at home." Cloud responded bitterly. Zack frowned in disappointment.

"Can we go back and get it then?" Zack asked seriously, hope flooding his eyes pitifully.

Suddenly, before Cloud could respond with a very sarcastic Vincent Valentine-like remark, a child shrieked from the front of the gingerbread house, where Santa Claus was located.

"Nooooo!" a ten year old boy shouted as he was kicked down the slide connected to Santa's throne by the 'jolly' man himself.

Wasn't that child abuse? Cloud started to pull his cellphone out of his pocket to do the most over-reacting thing, and call the cops.

Zack jumped at the random squawk from the child, his elbow unlatching the gate of the moose pen.

The child's shout echoed and boomed due to the mall's odd architecture.

A moose stampede was the result.

Mothers shouted for their children and workers from nearby stores poked their heads out from their store of employment to see what all the hubabaloo was about.

The duo dodged the angered crew of moose as they bulldozed their way out of confinement, the silly reindeer horns adorned with bells flying off everywhich way.

"No, come back!" Zack shouted to the renegade beasts as they rushed past him. Just as he was going to lasso the closest one with a string of sparkly tinsel, Cloud dragged him out of it's path. A second later and Zack would have been like an annoying piece of gum under it's hoof.

Cloud made a mad dash to the mall's jewelry stole, poor unfortunate Zack getting dragged along for the ride as he was being clutched practically by the neck.

The store filled with valuable jewels was in complete pandemonium when a midget dressed as an elf from Santa's gingerbread house warned them of the moose on the loose. People screamed and bolted out of the store, trying to save their lives once they saw the large animals change their course towards the store.

Cloud and Zack were the only idiots who stayed within Stampede Central. The blonde frantically peered into each glass container, searching for something decent. His eyes widened when he finally saw what he was seeking.

A dainty silver chain made with teardrop-shaped links was embellished with diamonds, as creamy pearls were set into the bracelete's heart shaped clasp.

There was just one tiny problem. How was he going to get it out of the case and purchase it? All of the sales personal had fled the store.

He bit his lip thoughtfully. He looked over his shoulder to locate Zack, who was stunned by the sparkliness of something under the briliant lights of the display case.

Normally, he wouldn't do this. _Not at all._

His conscience bickered with him, telling him it was a perfectly a-okay solution to the current situation.

Ah, fuck it. It had to be done, especially if he didn't want Tifa constantly making him feel guilty for not getting her a gift.

Cloud brought up his elbow and smashed it into the top of the glass display. The unattractively lumpy sweater Yuffie had knit him one year did the trick at protecting his arm from the shards. The ugly muave-ish murk-colored monstrosity would probably be the only thing to survive a nuclear war. But the blonde didn't have the heart to attempt throwing it in the furnace. Mainly because Yuffie WOULD find out.

An abnoxious squeaky-sounding alarm blared throughout the stare, notifying no one of the hoodlum robbery.

* * *

><p>Everyone sat anxiously around the living room (except Vincent, the man was a scrooge when it came to Christmas. Even though he promoted it with his festive cape).<p>

"Me first!" Yuffie shouted posesively. Before anyone could object, she crammed something under Scrooge's nose.

Retreating slightly, Vincent mechanically took the package and carefully sliced the tape with surgeon-like precision. Once peeling off the wrapping, he sighed behind the tall collar of the cape.

"What'd ya get, Uncle Vinnie?" Marlene asked eagerly. By the looks of it, her 'uncle' didn't seem to like whatever it was. Which meant she would get first dibs on the present!

Unwillingly, the demonic man lifted the object and displayed it for the rest of the room.

"'How to be a proper emo teenager'." Barret read, slowly pronouncing the syllables with a creased brow.

"' Fer' dummies.' " Cid finished, having as much trouble as Barret with the fourth grade reading level of the title.

Everyone exploded into giggles, except the two children sitting at the base of the Christmas tree. What was 'emo'?

"I wish I could have gotten coal instead." Vincent muttered to himself.

"What is coal, anyways?" Marlene asked.

Vincent answered her from underneath Yuffie, who was sprawled on his lap like an affectionate-not to mention annoying-house cat.

"It is a black graphite-like material used as fuel, formed from fossilized plants and consisting of amorphous carbon with various organic compounds." he defined scientifically for the children.

Yuffie rolled her eyes but snuggled closer to Vincent.

"So, if it's organic, can we eat it?" Denzel asked with a puzzled frown.

The demonic man shook his head. "Not if you plan on missing a front tooth."

No one caught onto the dry humour.

"Auntie Yuffie, will I get coal for Christmas?" the young girl asked with her big brown eyes that could melt _anyones_ soul into a sparkly, rainbow-colored puddle of 'aww!'.

Shrugging, the tiny ninja answered breezily. "Not sure, kiddo." suddenly, a Cheshire smirk formed on her face.

"But why don'tcha ask Old Saint Nick, here?" she said, puting extra emphasis on the word 'old'. Vincent grimaced.

He wiggled to the side, trying to dump Yuffie off of him and onto the couch instead. She clung to his red cape and shook it about.

"That's why you have this, right Santa Claus?"

The childrens eye's lit up. They just found out their uncle was _the_ SANTA CLAUS.

"No." the ravenette simply replied.

From his position across the room, Zack spoke up. "It's for his job as a Matador." The way he mimicked Vincent's deadpan face and flat tone cracked everyone up.

Apparently, everyone had the image of Vincent struggling to flee from an angered bull trying to stomp all over the man, but failed because of the tight pants he wore made from the bull's cousin.

The kids were confused.

"Auntie Yuffie, what's a Matador?" they spoke in unison, stumbling on the unfamiliar word.

Before Yuffie could get him more embarrased than he already was, Vincent quickly replied with "Nothing."

Vincent quickly brought out a bottle of clear colored liquor and silently handed it to Cid.

Cid's eyes went wide when he saw the label, "How'd ya get the cash to buy this, Vince?" Vincent opened his mouth to answer, but Cid thought it'd be wise not to hear the gory details of working for the WRO. He held up a hand, "Never mind" Cid opened the top and took a swig out of the bottle.

Barret shook an un-wrapped box in front of Yuffie's face, who was currently distracted with twirling Vincent's hair around her finger.

She greedily snatched the present, accidentally yanking her boyfriend's hair in the process. Upon opening it, her devious smirk broke and fell off her face. She glared at the darker skinned man.

"Do you think this is supposed to be funny?" she ground out as she held up the bra that she could probably use as pants.

Aerith gasped. "It definetly _isn't_ funny!" she snatched the pink bra out of Yuffie's hand and clutched it to her. "You don't go through a woman's drawers, Barret, especially mine!" the woman scolded him.

Cid whacked Barret on the back of the head and flicked something at the bigger mans face. Before the gunman could back-hand the pilot, he noticed the box that bounced off his face and onto his lap.

"Cigarettes?" the gruff man grumbled. He picked them up only to have them snatched from the blonde, a smirk on the pilot's face.

"Well thanks fer the gift!" Cid chuckled sarcastically. He pocketed the green box. Barret growled at the blonde.

It was now Cloud's turn. He brought out the slender box and handed it to Tifa with a small smile "Merry Christmas, Tifa." the garnet eyed woman 'aww'ed and pecked the blonde on the cheek.

When she opened the box, her hands flew to her mouth. "Oh my God, Cloud! It's so beautiful!" she exclaimed as she quickly clasped it onto her wrist, tracing the pearls. Everyone watched in awe at the beautiful piece of jewelry. "How much was it?" she asked. It seemed like it was something pretty pricey. . .

Cloud froze and fumbled for an answer. "Uh, I got a discount on it. Yeah, a really great discount." he mumbled vaguely. There was no way he was _ever_ going to tell her that he STOLE it. The realization of the robbery suddenly hit him and he instantly felt the heavy guilt drop on his shoulders.

Zack whipped out his little arts and crafts project and presented it to Aerith.

"Oh." she said, half disapointed and half surprised. She took the card and opened it. "How charming." she smiled lightly.

Zack nudged Cloud and mouthed 'homemade, baby!'. Cloud muttered back, "Cheap."

The duo waited for their girlfriend's to hand them their Secret Santa gifts. The girls looked at one another uneasily.

"We sort of. . ." Tifa began but stopped and chewed on her lip, nervously playing with her new bracelet.

"Didn't get you guys anything." Aerith finished. "We forgot."

But. . .Weren't they wrapping gifts for them earlier that week?

Cloud spoke, "Who were you gift wrapping for, then?"

Tifa descreatley pointed to Marlene and Denzel, who still believed in Santa. "We didn't finish fast enough." she said sadly, her face apologetic.

So, in a way, this was all Zack's fault? He was the one who first put the idea in his blonde head that they were wrapping the kid's gifts.

Zack sheepishly looked at the blonde. He giggled nervously. "Heya there, Cloudy."

* * *

><p><strong>Happy Holidays everyone! Pig out to your hearts content and then make it up with long jogging sessions (like I plan on doing xD) I hope Santa Claus treats you all nicely this year ;D Anyone notice the 'A Christmas Story' reference? And I actually have a teacher who almost stayed back because his cutting skills were lacking! xD Also, I'm thinking about making a sequel to this, continuing with this collections of destruction-filled oneshots. What do you guys think? I've been thinking about starting fresh for a whole now.<strong>

**Anyways, review and let me know what you thought! :3**

**~Sabby-Sama**


	27. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT CHAPTER. READ.

Cloud: Fuck off Zack!

Zack: What? -continues to chew loudly in Cloud's ear to annoy him-

Cloud: I swear to God I'll- Oh, hey guys! -notices readers, pretending to be innocent-

Zack: -Also notices you and smiles with gloppy chunks of sticky marshmallow in teeth- Howdy! -swallows-

Cloud: -elbows in ribs- Learn some manners, douche. No one wants to see food in that ugly smile of yours.

Zack: -Is hurt- But Cloudy! -Marshmallow flings out mouth and splats on Cloud's forehead-

Cloud: -Trys to restrain self. Speaks through gritted teeth- Can you be NOT annoying for a moment? I have an announcement to make to the readers, you idiot.

Zack: No!_ I_ want to make the announcement!

Cloud: You can't even chew properly. You'll just fuck up the announcement and confuse the readers.

Zack -Opens mouth to protest, but shuts it with Clouds glare- To readers: See? I don't know why Cloudy doesn't love me. -Puppy eyes- you guys love me, right?

Cloud: -Rolls eyes- You're an idiot, they obviously _don't_ love you.

Before Zack can interupt again, Cloud speaks quickly.

Cloud: Anyways, like I was saying before I got cut off by this idiot with the IQ of .50-

Zack: Hey!

Cloud -Ignores. Immedietly turns glum and speaks flatly, continuing.- Sabby-Sama is making a sequel to this story. -sighs-

Zack: Why are you so depressed? Were coming back into a story that'll be bigger and better than this one! Did someone forget to take their happy pills?

Cloud: Happy pills as in laughing gas? After seeing you make an ass out of yourself, i'll never take that crap.

Cloud: And i'm not depressed! I just. . .don't wanna be in another story filled with mishaps where I'll possibly end up getting hurt again -sobs-

Zack: -Is oblivious to Cloud as he ponders to himself, deep in thought- What kinda name is Sabby-Sama anyways? I hope it's not her real name-

Me: -Glares at Zack- It isn't my real name. If ya got a problem with it, i'll just make you "accidently" break all your outer limbs in the first chapter of the new story.

Zack: -Eyes go wide. Gulps.- A-all. . ._OUTER_ limbs? I'll be quiet now.

Me: -Disappears-

Zack: -Shifts eyes around nervously and covers crotch in preparation- Um. . .So yeah, Sabby-Sama; which is an awesome name, is making a sequel! -laughs awkwardly-

Cloud: -Wipes tears with tissue- So keep a look out for 'He did it!'. Oh God, another story! -bawls again-

Zack: -Waves goodbye, one hand still cupping crotch area-

* * *

><p><strong>So there you have it, proof that i'm cruel to the both of them! Haha, anyways like Zack said, keep your eyes peeled for<strong> _**"He did it!"**_

_**Do you have an idea that you want to see written by yours truly in the sequel? Just leave it in a review!**_

**~Sabby-Sama**


End file.
